Friday, December 28, 2012

Benzino’s Hittin’ the Road, Thong Pear In Tow

Benzino12

Benzino heard he didn’t win the HCwDB of the Year and he’s outtie. One (or six) Vegas Cocktail Hottie(s) later, and it’s all good.

No respek brings limo time in Vegas.

It’s enough to make the Greico cry.

Portland has donuts. Voodoo Donuts.

Your humb narrs is now joyously ill from overconsumption. Take that, Hostess, what with your strike and all.

Dinner with The Baron awaits tonight.

Site’s been a bit wiggy lately, off-line every so often. I’mma look into it.

But for now, donuts.

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# posted by douchebag1
Links n' stuff:
9:07 am December, 28 Ted Brogan said...

Nice eyebrows, jerk. We don’t suspect nuthin’

9:18 am December, 28 ehcuodouche said...

They like their coffee and donuts in the great Northwest. If you want Asian food go to Beaverton/Hillsboro. Don’t go to that joke of a Chinatown they have downtown. You’ll just get mugged.

9:45 am December, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

With each picture I am more and more comfortable with my pick of Benzino for the Yearly win (loss). And by that I mean I will pleasure myself with the accompaniment of this pear thrice more before I resume my Black Ops marathon. Thrice more, I says.

9:45 am December, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Hey, he can’t carry her off the premises. No, I mean literally… he has the muscles of a 12 year old bulimic girl, he’ll never make it.

9:46 am December, 28 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Is it just me or does this site have the side effect of breeding unnatural and impure ass sex fantasies? Or Peanut Butter stirring fantasies?

9:54 am December, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I don’t know about youse all, but for me a strong breeze, a ticking clock, me breathing and being conscious stirs ass sex fantasies…

10:11 am December, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Booty banging fantasies are as wholesome and normal as grandma’s homemade cookies. And when grandma bends over to take them out of the oven… watchout!

10:14 am December, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Benzino suffers from Manorexia

10:21 am December, 28 The Dude said...

I don’t care if her pink whale tail makes chunky peanut butter – that girl got me outta bed! Long enough to type some important notes….*konk*
.
Chadnam style

11:06 am December, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

What if the Illuminati put Juliette Lewis’s face on Jessica Simpson’s 2009 body when she was just starting one of her upswings but wasn’t yet at full-on Mama Cass seizmomagraphy… nah, that could never happen.

11:16 am December, 28 Dickie Fingers said...

Benzino has his eye on a 2013 title. I hope his trust fund holds up.

11:20 am December, 28 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Looks as if the front of thongette’s jeans are undone- leading me to assume she was getting pounded on the hood of some guys car Benzino just parked, when the hotel manager showed up and snapped this photo for the unemployment hearing when Benzino screams he was unjustly fired.

11:26 am December, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

I wonder how that interview went?
Vegas Club Manager: I’ve been tasked to bring some respectability back to this club and I could use a DBag like you to help attract the ladies.
Benzino: Look no further, I’m the DBag you’ve been looking for.
Vegas Club Manager: What makes you think your qualified?
Benzino: Well I studied at the feet of King Douchious the IV for many years and I’m a narcissistic, self serving kind of guy.
Vegas Club Manager: Really? King Douchious the IV? he is a legend. You’re hired and here’s hoping you can live up to his lofty exploits.
Benzino: Great!!, now let’s talk compensation.
Vegas Club Manager: Free drinks, well drinks that is, I’ll spring for a tanning membership, you can use the gym and access to our in house doctor. I’ll also pay you $100 a night. How does that sound?
Benzino: That sounds great!!, especially the doctor part. I’ll be utilizing that on the reg seeing as all the scabies, warts, rash’s I’ll be contracting tends to cost a lot of money and prescriptions for Valtrex® is worth it’s weight in silver. You got a deal.
Vegas Club Manager: Great!!, now get to work and dredge up some skank as we need to get this place classy again.
Benzino: Yes sir, I’ll get right on it after I get yet another garish tattoo to celebrate this momentous career opportunity. You won’t regret this.
Vegas Club Manager: I know I won’t, can’t say the same though for your soul, health and general sense of well being.

11:42 am December, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Me walking in Vegas: (Thinking) I am JUST fucked up enough to kill the craps table
.
Benznio: (handing out a 4″x6″ glossy advert) Hey you wanna come to our club tonight?
.
Me walking in Vegas: Uh, I don’t know, do all the people there look and act like you?
.
Benzino: Hell yeah! We party!
.
Me walking in Vegas: No thanks , I have to take a shit

11:55 am December, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

You just can’t make this stuff up…
.
“Everybody else is talking about what their ideas are. They want new laws. This is immediate. I don’t need a new law to send out my posse,”
- Sheriff Joe Arpaio on sending a posse of 3,000 armed volunteers into Arizona schools.
.
What could possibly go wrong?

12:41 pm December, 28 Douche Wayne said...

“I’m Doug, and I’m ouuuuttttaaaaa here.”
Little known fact: Benzino is a huge fan of The State.

12:50 pm December, 28 Merle Baggard said...

I don’t get vodoo donuts. Why the line? They’re just donuts.

1:08 pm December, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She wears low riders
Since the gyroscope was put
In her Monkey Hole.

1:49 pm December, 28 creature said...

I understand the proper way to serve voodoo donuts is to thread your talliwacker through the center, then display on the hostessessess chest….so I’m told
.
confectioneers

2:26 pm December, 28 Magnum Douche P. I. said...

The Rev can’t go without his Friday haiku.
.
.
And I think that’s King D the IV driving the limo. It all makes sense now

2:37 pm December, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Her ass crack sings the Canadian National Anthem at Las Vegas Wranglers games

2:38 pm December, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Her ass crack can translate Latin chants to Mandarin

2:42 pm December, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Her ass crack steals catylitic converters from Toyota Sequoias

2:42 pm December, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Her ass crack is accused of horseplay everywhere it goes

3:07 pm December, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Her ass crack, on numerous occasions, has been drunkenly mistaken for 25 cent progressive slot machine.

3:09 pm December, 28 Douchble Helix said...

If y’all can divert your eye from her ass, check out Benito’s watch. Massive.

3:39 pm December, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Her ass crack whistles dixie

4:25 pm December, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her ass crack could house my renoB 24/7.

4:26 pm December, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her ass crack tastes like pink vanilla and sounds like angels.

4:27 pm December, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her ass crack could keep the country from falling off the fiscal cliff.

4:28 pm December, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her ass crack could help the Kansas City Chiefs get to the Super Bowl.

4:35 pm December, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I was just watching the first of the new Star Wars movies while taking a day off from my Christmas Spectacle of drunkeness and remembered this video of semetic (respect) debauchery.
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TntcARPp1OE.
.
Amidalas

4:36 pm December, 28 The Dude said...

Her ass crack is fool-proof, but apparently not tool-proof

6:48 pm December, 28 creature said...

her ass crack volcanically spews fecal spackle & centipedes roost in there

6:49 pm December, 28 creature said...

her ass crack funnels wasted dna

6:51 pm December, 28 creature said...

her ass crack inspires poetry scrawled on the walls of Hussong Cantina’s mens room

8:13 pm December, 28 Ted Brogan said...

He spends more time on his face than she does on hers.
.
(Is what I was implying from my first post)

9:06 pm December, 28 Et Tu Douche? said...

Her ass crack, If you get close enough, has been known to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

11:21 pm December, 28 Little Willie said...

Reasonably nice piece of ass there from what we can see. Johnny queer is running around with this babe tossing salad while blondie sucks him off from the front.

1:15 am December, 29 Douchble Helix said...

“Benito, can you remember where we put the Penske file?” asked no one, ever.

4:30 am December, 29 plus size lingerie said...

A very hot ass there.

6:55 am December, 29 The Dude said...

Penske file? Sheet I woke up in this gurlz assho;e! Reasonable, you bet. Sweet nuthins in my ear? Shur! Po.otry? What precisely connotes po.otry?

10:06 am December, 29 Vin J Douchal said...

Her ass crack can aggressively peel 47 hard boiled eggs per minute

10:13 am December, 29 Vin J Douchal said...

Her ass crack is a plumb bob for employment

10:16 am December, 29 Vin J Douchal said...

Her ass crack wrote the “Django Unleashed” movie review for the L.A. Weekly.

10:18 am December, 29 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Her ass crack could strip the chrome off a ’57 Chevy.

10:22 am December, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Just the thought of her ass crack kept me up last night.

10:30 am December, 29 Billy The Scrote said...

At the ass crack of dusk, Benzino carries a princess.

10:32 am December, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Her ass crack farts in your general direction.

11:01 am December, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Her ass crack has been rented to bicycle couriers

12:53 pm December, 29 Ted Brogan said...

I’m craving ham for some reason.

5:29 am December, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev
What game are we betting on today? Let me know by 12EST I’m not sure what time that is for you in Canadia but I figured this should give you enough heads up.
.
Her ass crack is a thing of beauty.

7:33 am December, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Her ass crack got 40 Partridges in a Pear Tree for Christmas.

5:34 am December, 31 The Dude said...

Her ass crack has temporarily cured me of my ass fetish.

4:42 pm December, 31 Douchble Helix said...

S’pose them britches are comin’ or goin’?

5:51 pm December, 31 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Her ass crack can sink a 35 ft putt using only a rubber band and a stick of butter.

6:02 pm January, 2 JustMC said...

I see so much, but mostly hear Al Qaedouche muttering “get your own” a-la Borat. And I think to myself “he’s right.”

11:55 pm March, 2 Natashawalker said...

Perfect couple!

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