Dumbass
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Monday, June 3, 2013
Derp Guy Wastes Everyone's Time
Brothabag Juan in the back introduces himself as a “Body Environmentalist.” When the ladies ask what that is, he explains that he doesn’t like to see boobies wasted.
This pickup line has been known to work.
Never.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012Livin' the Beard
I’m not sure it qualifies as classically douchey, but for those men losing their hair who do the inverted shaved-head/beard thing, uhm no. Please stop.
Dominatrix Monica suffocates me with the tatted thigh, and I thank her for it and ask for more.
Thursday, November 1, 2012Mr. Skidoo Takes Sophie on a Most Expensive First Date
Sophie ordered the lobster.
Mr. Skidoo had the crabs.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012Joey Takes Umbrage
Joey does not appreciate dead baby jokes.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012Champagne Katie Vs. Nipstachio
Speaking of HCwDB legends, for those wondering what’s up with confused HCwDB hottie, failed Hall of Hott Candidate, lawsuit filer, and all around internet attention ho’, Champagne Katie, turns out she’s currently in congress with failed Lucho Libre sensation Nipstachio.
Oh well.
There’s always tautpooch chew toy C.K. Beach Pear to help us recover.
Thursday, August 2, 2012Chester and Lana Pose for a Self Portrait Using a Bathroom Mirror
Bustiers and Aqua Shirts suggest they are attending an academic conference on post-Derridean deconstruction in the reconfiguration of global praxis.
Either that, or the $4.99 hot wings all-you-can-eat special at Surfer’s Delight off of Pico.
Friday, June 29, 2012Friday Haiku
“Mmmm…nice firm Buddhas“…
Far away, angry monks
beat a Dolly Llama.
At my inner peace
With outer hostility
bitch-slapping this tool
— Charles Nelson Douchely
Crunches not working
For brunette. Salty diet caused
Stroke then she picked him.
— The Reverend Chad Kroeger
Douchebag cops a feel
Tibetans spin prayer wheels.
Buddha clubs a seal.
— hermit
“I am destroyer
of dignity”. Bleeths giggle
but no enlightenment.
— Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche
Friday, April 27, 2012Places to Store Your Cigarettes #42
Well, I suppose it’s better than the pooper.
Yup. That’s as creative as it gets on a Friday.
I shouldn’ta eaten all those Twinkies yesterday.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012Wrong Drink Roofied, Rufus?
Rufus ain’t feelin’ so good…things are getting a little hazy…wait, is this HER appletini?
Oh no…not again…
*thump*….zzzzzzzzz
Friday, March 16, 2012Froey Buttafucco
What’s that?…
In the distance…
That strange buzzing noise…
Why… it’s a Blueberry Snot Pie!!
And it’s whizzing… right… towards… Winkolio’s face…
SPLAT!!
I would chew through legion of intertwined dancing licorice koalas just for the chance to softly rub the childhood blankie of the Malaysian seamstress who helped vulcanize the rubber that produced Lindsey’s taut boobal sweat. And then I would repose with a port wine, and read her Chaucer.
