Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Champagne Katie Vs. Nipstachio

Speaking of HCwDB legends, for those wondering what’s up with confused HCwDB hottie, failed Hall of Hott Candidate, lawsuit filer, and all around internet attention ho’, Champagne Katie, turns out she’s currently in congress with failed Lucho Libre sensation Nipstachio.

Oh well.

There’s always tautpooch chew toy C.K. Beach Pear to help us recover.

# posted by douchebag1
4:01 pm August, 8 Vin Douchal said...

Just because CK, The Female Stackhouse, is a tight little firecracker that likes to cocck tease for a living doesn’t mean she’s getting the votes for the HoH *

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Nipstachio is all kinds of wrong

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*- unless she goes the sapphic porno route, then we have a winner

4:14 pm August, 8 Dickie Fingers said...

You are so tiny and cute and feminine.

And then you end up standing next to CK.

4:26 pm August, 8 Jeet Kune Douche said...

I like her hair.

But what’s going on with her left wrist?

And that belt – what’s going on there?

Is CK turning into a douchebaguette?

4:40 pm August, 8 Vincenzio said...

Mustache rides are never free. Who is this goddess of boobiosity and thigh pie? She is indeed a delight. I rate her an 8.9 (See my previous rule on how she could quickly become a 10 by sucking my schwantz.) Place her into the place that she should go after her looks have been judged! Extra credit for bikini. I love me!

5:29 pm August, 8 Said said...

CK is indelibly etched in the etch-a-sketch called my mind. smoooch!

5:45 pm August, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Alfonso Ribeiro sure can pull the Cuban ultra-hotts.

5:49 pm August, 8 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Everybody has to go slumin every once in a while I guess, even a hott like CK. I mean everyone, as in only the fools whose pics grace this dear site.

5:56 pm August, 8 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Still hott, but the fried blonde thing is about as necessary as a lime green paint job on a Ferrari.

6:33 pm August, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I would wear a Gene Shalitt moustache for the chance to have Champagne Katie give me a Blumpkin.

6:53 pm August, 8 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Sure CK looks like a total sex bomb but I’m betting she’s as much fun in the sack as a cold flounder! Hypothetically speaking, if you managed to survive the rigorous Champagne Katie mate selection gauntlet which involves all of your W2’s from the past 5 years as well as current career status (meaning anyone not with atleast an MD plus advanced specialization or in the financial industry with atleast the title of VP or have an annual take home of 500k or less need not apply *plastic surgeon a huge plus) also body fat analysis, credit history and score (Amex Centurion card gets bonus points) and the tags on your clothes down to your socks and underwear better have designer names on the label Nordstrom and Saks are fine for a nice casual day out or if you’re going to the gym but designer only! Also don’t plan on getting oral ever again except on special occasions such as your birthday or Christmas and that’s a tenative maybe, anal is out of the question as she doesn’t want to scuff her backdoor bleach job, don’t expect any kind of dirty talk, dressing in the lingerie she models, strip teases, sex with lights on even, etc, etc, etc. So if you manage to somehow meet those requirements and find yourself in her 2000 thread count sheets trying every technique known to man to get a woman off since time began all the way back to when our ancestors in Africa first painted a pair of boobs on a cave wall somewher and find yourself pumping and sweating trying to give her that mind blowing orgasm don’t be surprised when she says “Hurry up and cum already Keeping up with Kardashians is new tonight and is coming on in 5 minutes!” while she is reading this months issue of whatever inane fashion magazine was at arms reach.

7:17 pm August, 8 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Capt., you just nailed it with that one. Props brother.

7:26 pm August, 8 The Dude said...

Geez, I had something vaguely funny, but I forgot it encountering the “backdoor bleach job”. Crikes!

8:10 pm August, 8 Troy Tempest said...

CHampagne Katie’s a fucking airheaded dimbulb with all the cultural skills you might find on TV. No biggie – by the time she’s 40 she’ll resemble a love seat.

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As far as the mustaches go – I hope and prey that those are drawn in with sharpies. Because the idea that someone had that tatted onto their moobs is just too depressing to consider.

9:04 pm August, 8 Little Willie said...

The stick on mustache tats over the nips scream “jerkoff”. Katie can do better than that steaming pile of excrement.

10:09 pm August, 8 Jeet Kune Douche said...

@Little Willie – then again, maybe she can’t….. ;-)

11:51 pm August, 8 The Dude said...

This is the perfect place to announce that I am going to marry CK.

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If I can find her before the authorities restrain me.

11:55 pm August, 8 Jacques Doucheteau said...

@ Capt. James T. Douche

Replace “total sex bomb” with “4-foot-9-inch hook nosed Jewish bitch machine”, and you just described my marriage.

12:04 am August, 9 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Speaking seriously for a moment, I don’t think even given a genuine opportunity, I would ever let my gentile-proportioned cawk anywhere near CK’s monkey hole. Not that the temptation wouldn’t be there, but like when a stripper brings you to the edge during an extended lap dance and offers something “the rest of the girls don’t give out”, you just know the post-coital guilt and antibiotics don’t justify the 10 minutes of flesh crunching slop pistoning.

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I would still jerk off and cum up her nostril.

12:58 am August, 9 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Well I have to say CK has her detractors: she is as facile with the written English as a retarded third grader (from Mongolia). Whoever said “the pen is mightier than the sword” obviously never contemplated our TK. In her hands, the pen is not even as mighty as a broken pencil.

And I love the “He’s not a douchebag because he’s my friend and he’s in a photo with me” defense. [like the Comment of the Weak from last week]

But in the end, every guy with higher testosterone levels than Samurai Scrote who watches this site wants of a piece of that action… :|

1:52 am August, 9 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Jacques Doucheteau @ 11:55 Oi Vey! Let me guess she went from looking like Mila Kunis with the sex drive of a nymphomaniac on an ecstasy drip to Golda Meir as soon as you slipped the ring on her finger? Tsk tsk tsk, they all tend to do that. Back in the day I was with this hot Hispanic girl, nice year round tan, flat velvety belly, silky black hair great for pulling, nice round bubble butt and ample, perky cans with little pink nips. Other than not being able to manage money for shit she was great, she would let me stick my Anglo chorizo wherever, whenever, however and begged for more. Pretty soon two years flys by, we realize we get along well and have alot in common etc, etc, etc so we start to go engagement ring shopping and poof!! As soon as she starts trying that shit on through some form of twat magic she went from looking like a much less c@nty Eva Longoria to one of those old trolls fresh from across the border standing on Las Vegas Blvd handing out hooker ads with the sex drive of a menopausal nun. Everything changed, all the fuckin’ ceased, I had to unlcog the drain on a weekly basis when her hair started falling out, all her clothes tags changed from single to double digits and we would fight about nothing on a daily basis. Another 9 months goes by I’m sleeping the guest bedroom of the house we rented, we don’t speak unless we need to and pretty soon I come home from visiting my parents in another state on a sunday night and find the place trashed where she and her idiot brother had cleaned out everything that was hers plus some and left me a huge fuckin’ mess! So the epilogue to all this is within like a month she’s dropped every pound and was back to how she use to look and out trolling for cock and is married expecting her first kid within a year. There really is no moral to this story I suppose except those commericials should say “Every violent breakup begins with Kays.” or “He went to Jared… IDIOT!” I sympathize JD I sympathize!

4:07 am August, 9 Sir Douche said...

Are those tattoos above his nips?

4:43 am August, 9 The Dude said...

The Capt. has gone all f’kn nuclear now! eeek!!

6:46 am August, 9 Vincenzio said...

Oh pisanos! Let me tell you about my wife. She works all day and uses her own money to buy stuff. She let’s me do whatever the fuck I want. She is not that great a cook though. Also ix-a-nay on the butt play, but since it looks her butthole swallowed Elvira feet first and stopped at the scalp I am cool with it. But she can suck the chrome off a bumper hitch pisanos and those have never stopped. I couldn’t suck my own better if I tried. And trust me I’ve tried. Her HJs however are only 3 and a quarter star I’m afraid.

7:36 am August, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Looks like we have a little bit of an Eyetie problem here. I’ll go fetch some Raid Ant, Roach, and Mediterranean killer. We don’t want to end up like Jersey.

7:50 am August, 9 CB Popped said...

CK Beach Pear, fwappington.

7:52 am August, 9 CB Popped said...

I still wonder what Champagne Katie’s rectal polyp thinks about all of this….

9:09 am August, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

You poor stupid bastards. Those aren’t moustaches, they’re little cowboy hats. You know so when his bros come over they can see who wins the Brokeback Mountain Yogurt Roping Contest as he lays there and squeals “Do it again! Do it again!”

11:04 am August, 9 FredN. said...

Vincenzio = Nancy D

12:20 pm August, 9 The Dude said...

I was considering to have my hemorrhoids pierced. Naw.

12:25 pm August, 9 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Fred, you are a genius. And by genius I mean master of the obvious.

1:07 pm August, 9 FredN. said...

Sadly, that is all of which I am Master, so I use this skill as often as possible.

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6:23 am August, 10 Douche Wayne said...

Huge and belated “propers” to Dr. Bunsen Honeydouche’s photo-realistic 2011 Douchie description. It’s like I actually went broke while reading it.

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