Vegas
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Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Spy on Vegas: The Muted Mutation
So where did all those rank stench pics that fueled the HCwDB run (2006-2014) actually come from?
A question I used to get a lot. The short answer: submissions. I was (and am) far too lazy to do any real work on the internets. So I relied on the kindness of douche mocking strangers to fill my site with mock fuel.
However, in a loaf pinch, there was one main go-to source if a pic of toxic cohabit was needed on short notice. The always hot-or-twatriffic Spy on Vegas.
That weekly smorgasboard of professionally photographed flop sweat and overpriced bottle service fueled many a rant on this humble corner of pop culture detritus oh so many moons ago.
Sadly for Douche Mock, happy for real life, a recent visit to Spy on Vegas shows how much things have changed. When Douches became sentient, sometime around late 2011 (my working theory is that Cyberdyne installed social media filtration behavior modification nanobots in their Axe hair-gel), douche face, ‘bag hand gesture, and all remaining simian asswafflery receded to the memories of a simpler, more mock-worthy era.
Today, modern Day ‘bags have learned to blend when camera is present. For example: Smile politely. Dress only in black. Make no hand gestures. Display only minimal peacockery to signal the females of the species that their alpha dog status remains hugamabob and grindular.
In checking my old stomping grounds, the Vegas Wonkery is still present.
But far more muted than in its hair spike heyday.
And so it goes in the age of post-postbaggery.
Monday, September 29, 2014As the Nimrod Turns
Fear not, fellow ‘bag hunter.
HCwDB may no longer be updating on the reg.
But no matter how complex world events become, no matter how many facets of our eternal journey to know thyself and thy world splinter into diachronic contradictions, there will always be Martin The Nim making Stupidface ™ with Sophia during Spring Break in Vegas.
Let this toxic cohabit of crazy choadward eyes and sweet suckle thigh remind you that no matter how dark life becomes, the hottie/douchey dialectics will always be there for us to mock.
Carry on my wayward sons and daughters…
Tuesday, January 7, 2014Captain Rehab Says, "It's Cold Out Where You Are, But Not in Vegas!"
For those of you suffering in ridic cold today, let it bring you solace to know that Captain Rehab is scoring at 60% among the greater Las Vegas skankhott population.
Yeah, I guess that didn’t really bring you any solace.
Okay, how about some StreetPear?
See now? It’s not so bad.
Thursday, December 26, 2013Asian David Arquette Zeroes in on Perky Camille
Asian David Arquette does not stop until Asian David Arquette is ready to stop.
Perky Camille offers the glorious glories of all that is holy and reverent in a land in which carnality trumps culture. She is my pincushion cherubic fantasy. Although, while she ranks highly on the human scale, she’s no Fluffy.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013John Largeman Gets His Christmas On
At the beginning of the evening, John Largeman had five nieces.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013Legs n' Faux
Wasn’t “Legsnfaux” one of the Gelflings in The Dark Crystal?
Wednesday, November 13, 2013Adventures in Las Vegas on a Tuesday
It’s like watching a soulless ritual performed by numbed zombies in tribute to a god that never was.
Thursday, November 7, 2013A Greasepitzer Cuddles With Perfect Eve
If ever you indulged the thought that hottie/douchey cohabit was fading as we enter the teenage years of this new century, banish that conceit from your pretty little head.
Because professional Vegas Douchclownsians are greasing the suckle bobble pokes. Lo, a Greasepitzer is cuddling somewhere with Perfect Eve.
Eve’s ful lips and sultry Mayan Eye of Coitus offer harpsichord Beethoven sex music run through stereophonic musak elevator to butt fondle.
Okay. So that last sentence got away from me.
But regardless, Ganesh and Vishnu rend their garments and spittle on a Torah at this evidence of wrong.
Monday, October 28, 2013Vegas Is Filled with Douchefluff
Stop the presses. Wait, what? Who dat say what?
I’m in Vegas.
And everyone looks like these two.
Amish faux punk doucheclowns and stripper hotts who smell like glitter, cheap hand sanitizer, and wet tobacco.
‘Tis true. Your humb narrs has chosen to return to the land of douche mecca that I first came to, so long ago, with notebook (and camera) in hand in the dark days of 2006. Back when I first began to document the emerging hottie/douchey plague.
And now I return, seven years later, to see from whenst the scrotal/hott cohabit has mutated, grown, shrunk, or otherwise stank up the strip.
HC1 and I dropped off the poop machine with the grandma and hit the road.
Vegas, baby.
I’m talking Swingers Vegas.
Not Hard Rock Douche Mecca Vegas.
The battle continues. HC1 and I will be mocking.
From a safe distance, of course.
EDIT: Good news from the front lines
Wednesday, October 16, 2013Asian David Arquette Parties Like A Rock Star
There’s David Arquette.
And then there’s Asian David Arquette.
And somewhere in the middle, there’s a cinnabon.
