Monday, October 28, 2013

Vegas Is Filled with Douchefluff

when the amish go douche

Stop the presses. Wait, what? Who dat say what?

I’m in Vegas.

And everyone looks like these two.

Amish faux punk doucheclowns and stripper hotts who smell like glitter, cheap hand sanitizer, and wet tobacco.

‘Tis true. Your humb narrs has chosen to return to the land of douche mecca that I first came to, so long ago, with notebook (and camera) in hand in the dark days of 2006. Back when I first began to document the emerging hottie/douchey plague.

And now I return, seven years later, to see from whenst the scrotal/hott cohabit has mutated, grown, shrunk, or otherwise stank up the strip.

HC1 and I dropped off the poop machine with the grandma and hit the road.

Vegas, baby.

I’m talking Swingers Vegas.

Not Hard Rock Douche Mecca Vegas.

The battle continues. HC1 and I will be mocking.

From a safe distance, of course.

EDIT: Good news from the front lines

# posted by douchebag1
7:15 am October, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Jenna Jameson and Lars Ulrich want you to know they are still alive and semi-relevant.

7:19 am October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If you see Jon Favreau, pay some big dude to nad stomp him from the Rev and forward the bill to RCK Investment Trust (Isle of Man).

8:06 am October, 28 Charles Douchewin said...

Don’t be a pussy, DB1.

.

Unless you and HC1 are going for replacement, you’ve already increased your inclusive fitness (nicely done!).

.

Plus, BC1 has extra-paternal care.

.

So long as you’re recording good data – take some risks.

.

You don’t have to stay at a safe distance anymore, just a potentially escapable one.

8:55 am October, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Corey Feldman get’s his gay on, blames pills, others, and enlists dead pal’s memory to add a few chapters to his book.

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http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/22/showbiz/celebrity-news-gossip/corey-feldman-sexual-abuse-book-ew

9:03 am October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

What does it mean if a potential Tranny gives you the renoBs?

9:15 am October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I got $50 bucks that says Corey Feldman gets found dead David Carridine-style by 2015.

9:15 am October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

After yesterday’s public admission that I was molested my The Rev’s mother, memories have been flooding back.

.

One day during Purim The Rev’s mother molested me with a bushel of pickled cumquats, a mature deer antler, a 5-pound Indian Club, and a down marker from the old Three-Rivers Stadium.

9:22 am October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The noon edition of TMZ says Lou Reed died of shame after he was molested by my mother Jane Kroeger during a trippy gig at Utica in the summer of 62.

9:23 am October, 28 Charles Douchewin said...

@ DW 9:03

.

It just means the Tranny’s doing it right.

.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

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If one isn’t satisfied stopping there, I professionally recommend the Dundee Test.

9:49 am October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

He oils up his head, dons a snorkel and goes shoulders deep up her goo shaft. Seen it at YouJizz

10:08 am October, 28 Charles Douchewin said...

I’ve also seen these two at:

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Hot Chicks with Turkey Vultures.com

10:12 am October, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Lou Reed died? Is this the first time?

10:14 am October, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Feldman says this is Hollywood’s biggest danger… apparently he didn’t see Transformers 2, or is still repressing that memory.

10:24 am October, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Wallnuts, I think you need to test your IQ. Your Tranny IQ.

http://joeschwartz.net/shemale/index.html#

10:25 am October, 28 FoghornLeghorn said...

I was getting pissed about this guy’s molestation you were talking about. Then I realized it’s not really about Marty Feldman.

.

My bad.

10:38 am October, 28 jonezy said...

Just try not to make a BC2 while you’re there. Actually, do TRY to make one, just put the blocker on that. Your body will be out of whack from a full night’s sleep, leading your mind to believe there are no repercussions to the boobie fondle suck.

10:48 am October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Marty Feldman got more pussy than Dark Sock.

.

10:48 am October, 28 The Dude said...

One day at Rite Aid, Rev’s mother started chatting me up in the checkout line. She was buying Cheetah pants, a toilet plunger and a disposable camera. Pretty easy to tell what happened next.

11:09 am October, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I admit it can be difficult at times to tell when one is dealing with a convincing female facade until you find yourself in an embarrassing predicament.

.

Just try to be gracious and tactfully remove yourself from the situation before things get out of hand.

11:11 am October, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

The Rev’s mother sexually abused me with a early ’90s cellular phone, a cheese grater, a quart of Greek yoghurt, and a copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

11:31 am October, 28 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

The Rev’s mother once tied my left testicle to the banana seat of the 1972 Schwinn banana seat and rode it from Mexicali to Tijuana while I ran behind wearing nothing but a pink sombrero and yellow wellingtons.

12:13 pm October, 28 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

You all had it easy. Rev Chad’s mother kidnapped me from my high school graduation in a windowless van and made me gargle a fresh-picked bushel of elederberries while a coconut-laden swallow flew right-handed circles with my scrotum in its beak and her forcing a large wooden badger into my bum.

.

I proposed right then and there but unfortunately she declined.

.

True story

12:32 pm October, 28 Dickie Fingers said...

Apparently the Rev’s mother lies a lot too. She told I was the only she would use that badger on.

2:15 pm October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

I once oiled up my head, donned a snorkel and went shoulders deep up the Rev’s mother’s goo shaft.

2:24 pm October, 28 DarkSock said...

Rabbi’s badger?

3:14 pm October, 28 DarkSock said...

Also…why do I continue to click on Jacque’s links?

.

Why.

3:30 pm October, 28 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

AFFLICTED with poor sales!

3:31 pm October, 28 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

The priests sure look funny in Vegas!

3:36 pm October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Amish Faux Punk Doucheclown relives his junior high football glory days as the backup punter while drawing on those Marlboro 100’s and playing the 1¢ Plants vs Zombies slot machine

3:37 pm October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Amish Faux Punk Doucheclown has a Hello Kitty cupcake nipple piercing

3:38 pm October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Amish Faux Punk Doucheclown smokes Swisher Sweets dipped in chocolate milk

3:39 pm October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Amish Faux Punk Doucheclown once stared down a horny Boston Terrier

3:39 pm October, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Amish Faux Punk Doucheclown takes a job as a first base umpire in Little League Softball each March

3:57 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

@McCrude I failed the test. I thought they were all she-maies.

.

I was once sexually abused by a she-male wearing a The Rev’s Mother’s Mask with a bottle of Brut by Faberge, the Mug shot of Robert Mitchum, an under-cooked Calzone, three gallons of Paul Mitchell hair gel and Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon Album.

4:08 pm October, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My mother assaulted Karen Carpenter with an old-fashioned crank mixer while cooking chocolate cake with an Amish Faux Punk Doucheclown and anorexia ensued. Ensued I says. Son.

7:16 pm October, 28 DoucheyWallnuts said...

I once dreamt that I was groped by a Sebastian Cabot look alike wearing a Nehru jacket, whilst waxing the ninns of my Aunt Connie, and humming the theme song to Bewitched.

2:23 pm October, 29 jonezy said...

I thought the edit link read 100% off, which, frankly, seemed even more legit

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