Orange
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Saturday, January 10, 2015
Breaking: Tom Jones is a Tangerine
The proper caption for this image is:
A) “It’s not unusual to be bronzed by anyone…”
B) What’s New, Skincancer? Whoooa whooa whoooohaaa…”
C) “She’s marmalady… whoa whoa whoa… she’s marmalady.”
D) “I just want your extra time and your…. Sunkist.”
Answer now!
Monday, January 27, 2014The Real Orangemen of Orange County
Very, very orange.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013Chudwick The Boiled Cuddles with Lacey
Shut it down!!
Shut it all down!
For God’s sake, someone pull the plug!!
The internet is lost, good sirs and madams.
It’s over, Johnny.
Over.
Get thee to the Closet of Poo, Chudwick the Boiled. And Lacey, thy thighs be done.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013Honorary Douchebag of the Month: The Orange Twatpancake
If you have to ask why, then you ain’t been paying attention.
Like a rotting pustule on the decaying carcass of white privilege, these racist ghosts of American past will do their best to take the rest of us down as they go screaming into the dustbin of history.
Thursday, July 25, 2013Mister Tony Shows Off His Orange Package to the Real Housewives of Suburban Malaise
Yeah. This guy sucks.
Lets move on.
Thursday, July 25, 2013Bro's Be Pumpin'
Don’t be hatin’.
Actually, wait, yes, be hatin’. That’s the point of HCwDB. Like that famous 80s white, British reggae band, WEBH8N. You know. They had that hit. Yellow Yellow Pabst.
Okay, got nuthin’.
These muscle bros aren’t even that douchey. Except for the blackface, that is.
Bonus points for the first person to find the severed Bleeth carcass hidden somewhere in this image.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013Average Vaguely Orange Guy
We haven’t seen a lot of orangebaggery since the skin-burning over-tanning douche vortex of the late 2000s.
Theo here isn’t even really that orange. Hell, he doesn’t remotely approach the Peak Orangeness that we have witnessed and now enshrine in our Closet of Poo.
In fact, I’m not sure why I’m even bringing Orangebaggery up.
Tell me Sweet Jenny Sucklethigh, do I mock for naught?
Can I fondle a booble proddle?
Or would that be inappropriate given our professional relationship as co-chairs of the Sheboygan Chess-for-Charity team?
Yup. No idea what I’m saying. Time for coffee.
Just ignore the text.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013"Fellini's Sadoucheicon" (1978)
Sorry undergrads, they only screen this one in grad-level classes.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013Vinny Farfalla Approves of Slutty Suzette's Bumper
Good news! Unlike the DB1’s old broken down 1995 Toyota Celica, owned from 2001-2007, Slutty Suzette’s bumper passed its California smog emissions test.
Chalk up one benefit to gluten-free dieting.
Friday, January 25, 2013Head Shop: The Dye that Binds
Over the past few years the commonality that is douche has fractured, diversified, and multiplied. Like a true virus, the Grieco strain has mutated from simple Jersey Bag to Muscle bag, Eurobag, White trash bag, and the more recent hypsterbag. And while each sack of genetic poo strives to maintain its own distinct identity, common elements remain that tie them unapologetically back to their ancestral progenitor. I speak of ink and orange. While some may rock the v-neck tee, and others the lip of duck and hair of gel, while others will have cones of sila, or biceps of ‘roid, every one of them will have skin of carrot adorned with stars, skulls, and Asian script.
To the tune of “People Who Died” by Jim Carroll [RIP]
Teddy smearing poo, he was 12 years old
Spread the tone from his own behind
Arty was 11 when he caught the drug
His tangerine sheen didn’t have no tan lines
Bobby hit the tanning booth, 14 years old
He looked like pumpkin pie when he dyed
He was a bro’ of mine
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Mickey and Paulie let their six-packs all soften
So they inked them up with nonsense words as a distraction
Sly in Wildwood, “THUG LIFF” on his head
Bobby leaves a full-sized smear of cocoa in his bed
They were three more bros of mine
Three more bros that dyed
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Karly shows her back tatts in the Boom Boom Room
Britney inked herself from her head to her womb
Judy’s skin color was hard to explain
Eddie matched hers to a cheddar cheese stain
And Eddie, you’re orangier than all the others
And I salute you mother
Those are hot chicks who dyed, dyed
They were all my hos, and they dyed
Herbie inked Tony on the high school roof
Tony thought that a skull would show the truth
‘So Herbie serve up Tony some, some bitchin’ proof
“Hey,” Herbie said, “Tony, are you fly?”
But Tony wasn’t fly, Tony dyed
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
Bennie inked his guns with a Poly wrap
He flashed the tatt while raging at some bikers
He said, “Hey, I know it’s obvious, I’m a steel cage fighter”
But the next day he got raped by those very same bikers
Those are douchebags who dyed, dyed
They were all my bros, and they dyed
