Saturday, January 10, 2015

Breaking: Tom Jones is a Tangerine

article-0-19CBC4B000000578-996_634x425

The proper caption for this image is:

A) “It’s not unusual to be bronzed by anyone…”

B) What’s New, Skincancer? Whoooa whooa whoooohaaa…”

C) “She’s marmalady… whoa whoa whoa… she’s marmalady.”

D) “I just want your extra time and your…. Sunkist.”

Answer now!

# posted by douchebag1
7:39 pm January, 10 Ed Hardy Har Har said...

John Oldman in the background can barely conceal his scorn.
.
He’s forgotten he sang the theme to “Thunderball” and not “Goldfinger”.
.
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Hey Nineteen.

8:59 pm January, 10 Et Tu Douche? said...

I remember spending a week in London in 2000 I believe and Tom Jones was everywhere on the radio, bars etc; The song was “Sex Bomb”. Went to Italia a week later and sure enough that song was being played everywhere. He gets a notta in my book and if he’s bangin that coke fiend Kate Moss well then good on him.

9:02 pm January, 10 The Dude said...

Reminds me of that guy in Congress, Boner.

oh, yeah – A.)

12:06 am January, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

TJ is a Notta with the Rock Star exception. He can do no wrong. One time me and Julie London watched him and Eartha Kitt fuck for 31 hours straight in a bath tub full of heavy cream, a bed covered with Canadian bacon and a swinging from a chandelier made from the bones of rare African caribou.
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He also did this.
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PamO6obWcQk

12:14 am January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

^”A bed covered with Canadian Bacon”?, Eartha Kitt? who else do we know who’s capable of such awesomeness?

4:38 am January, 11 DarkSock said...

Rare Bones, he says…
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20, which is th’ age a th’ quim TJ is gettin on the regular. Regular I says.

4:48 am January, 11 DarkSock said...

hermit won the internet on last week’s Fraiku…and I think youse will like the easter egg I put in his submission….
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Some muslims is hawt…who knew?
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Jihadists

5:06 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I was told, and shown articles, that the woman that plays Elvira “Mistress of the Dark” dated Tom Jones years ago and suffered vaginal and particularly anal tearing that had to be treated with multiple stitches and anti-prolapse medication. She was lactating bat cream at the time. The tearing was supposedly caused by Tom Jones enormous organ size. I thought it quite amusing that a Vegas showgirl would have problems handling any man with the legendary girth of Tom Jones.
.
Babies, compared to penises, are quite large. I find it hard to believe that any man member could be of a size to be more than uncomfortable unless inserted with force into an unwilling or unprepared woman, especially a woman who didn’t have an intact hymen. But some girls dig the forceful filling of their bat caves, especially when the get older and dry up. If they get to loose just throw in a pair of rubber boots for friction.
.
Well, I’ve seen Tom Jones from the front row at a concert when I was six at the Ottawa Agricultural Exhibition and Pop Festival, it was the 70’s man. There is most certainly something sizeable in there. I was about 5 feet away from him (his feet anyway) and I had quite the panoramic view! Now… it could have been a stuffed dark sock for all I know, but I heard women around me talking about how it was…”the size of a heaping plate of Canadian Bacon.” DISCLOSURE: WE CALL IT PEAMEAL BACON
.
Not the size of a baby though. More like one of those 26 oz cans of Arizona Tea my mother clarifies some 45 years later. She’s a slutty drunk and gets buzzed on vodka thinking we all think it’s diet iced tea.
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TJ is notta douche. But he is very orange and has money and a big cock. Pass.
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And he did this.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PamO6obWcQk&app=desktop\
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That chick must be from Boobylon.
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Ali Booby and the 40 DD’s

5:08 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Lebanese Whore^^ ass and boob chick in 2005.

5:12 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

It is clear in the video above that TJ tucks to the left.
.

5:35 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Et Tu
.
Thank you kind sir for redirecting me to the future. I’m taking the Jew pack skiing in the mighty East this month Son. Dog’s dead, time to rip..
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Ifskay Iday getsay an addresskay abroadsky, isskay therebay anyonebay whobay canskay mailtay some weeday to me in Jay, VT.
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Cause I go to jail if I get caught wearing the hemp shirt.

5:47 am January, 11 DarkSock said...

^Stuft Darkk Sockk he says, from wayyy o’dere
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I don’t know if she’s lebanesian or not, Rev, but considering she’s currently #1 on PronHub and shown as incepting lap beef I’m thinkin’ she’s skraight.
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Her name’s Mia Khalifa an’ she best be hiding somewheres safe these days from the la-la-Ahk-Barrs. I would suggest she find safe purchase down south in House Sockk. I would give sanctuary and rub her rib-domes with cocoa butter so as to prevent the relentless encroachment of strech-marks and blue-veins uponst those milke-domes lolling left and right, hither n’ yon. I would dirka-dirka those bhurka-jerkers.
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StepChildren.
.
also
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I’ve discovered that the swarthy taste o’ Michter’s No. 1 Bourbon, my current favorite hunnert proof Kentucky Mouthwash, counters the bitter taste of Norco pillz quite effectlively.
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Hoarders.
.
16

5:50 am January, 11 DarkSock said...

Team Canada vs. Team Deep South in the Alka-Limpics
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Drunkards dream if i e’er did see one
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*funky keyboard break*

6:09 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Emmanuel Kant always put it best back in the Enlightenment.
Kant believed that the concepts of space and time are integral to all human experience, as are our concepts of cause and effect. One important consequence of Kants socio-economic theorems was that the world may return to the rule of those damn, damn, dirty apes. Apes I says. As follows:
.

6:37 am January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

The Democrat party is controlled by rich old white guys who give the base just enough to eat to prevent them from turning on their Democrat masters. Fucking cartoon hating Yuppies! LBJ, (a communist Jew) famously said, ““I’ll have those niggers (for historical context, respect) voting Democratic for the next 200 years.”
.
The blacks got play.
.
John Lockians. Late night super drunk. I’m sure as hell I was just trying to pick-up Tammy Fae Bakkers ghost while banging that hijab chick in the defuct Escalade with the dead sticker behind the barn. My thoughts turned to the hatred only a drunk irishman can feel when they get drunk and proudly go to work. Then my 7 year old woke me up.

2:30 pm January, 11 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev,
If you’re heading to The Northeast Kingdom make a detour into Burlington. Should be easy thus negating having to mess around with the USPS.
.
I’m partial to Lebanese Blonde however I’d thoroughly enjoy spackling my man Hummus all over Mia’s Khalifa’s.

4:41 pm January, 11 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Here is the dirty Mia eating her stepmom’s falafel.
.
http://porn69.org/horny-babe-julianna-vega-wants-a-cock.808ofd6.html
.
Mooslims

6:31 am January, 12 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Phil Collins isn’t looking to great these days either.

6:58 am January, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Jacques is one fucked up dude. How can he find this shit?
.
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/grace_jones_sings_little_drummer_boy_to_a_mesmerized_pee-wee_herman

4:53 pm January, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Why, why, why, burnt orange?
.
15

4:56 pm January, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The orange, orange tan of cancer.
.
11

4:59 pm January, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Sock
.
if you got the $ burnin’ a hole in yo pocket get you some of this
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https://www.caskers.com/prichard-s-double-chocolate-bourbon/
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It’s very fuccen tasty.
.
14 shots is enough for one night

7:34 pm January, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

9 out of 10 reverends would not understand Dr. Bunsen’s lyrics.
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Old fuckers
.

2:48 pm January, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Sorry Rev. These were my ultra-lame attempts at Delilah and Green Green Grass of Home.
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17 tries later…

2:53 pm January, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Why doesn’t that guy from the movie “Up” tie some balloons to Tom Jones before Kate Moss to him to the nursing home? Tom Jones rocks!

6:44 pm January, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ there should be a” take” in there somewhere. Good going dumbass…
.
And now for the take your own advice award, I present:
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PC52toizz8U#t=135
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7 x 10^7 brain cells lost watching this one

9:45 pm January, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Dr. bunsen
.
I was the reverend who got it.
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Can you explain this math to me?
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http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/233107/two-body-builders-argue-on-the-internet-about-how-many-days-are-in-the-week/

10:12 pm January, 13 Charles Douchewin said...

^That reminds me: http://www.the-scientist.com/?articles.view/articleNo/13037/title/Is-Pollution-Causing-Cancer-in-Beluga-Whales-/
.
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24 = # of Kegel reps done by Tom Jones, since 5pm.

11:58 pm January, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

“This female beluga whale was found dead floating in the St. Lawrence near Tadoussac, Quebec. The head of her calf was visible at the external genital opening when the whale was submitted for postmortem.
The St. Lawrence River is so polluted, the New York State Department of Environmental Conservation warns people who fish the river off New York’s shores not to eat any American eel, channel catfish, carp, Chinook salmon, lake trout over 25 inches in length, or brown trout over 20 inches in length. The department further warns that white perch, white sucker, rainbow trout, smaller lake and brown trout, and coho salmon over 25 inches taken from the river should be eaten, at most, only one time per month.”
.
**Most of the shit comes from Montreal, downstream about 60 miles from here. Except for goose poop and seasonal kelp, the Mighty St.Lawrence has cleaned thanks to Chinese zebra mussels and gobi fish from the Sault to sweet Glengarry my home, with yellow perch of world acclaim. Frenchmen still blow all the crap into the river. Perhaps Dark Sock could team with some of his inferiors, engineers or industrial designers, to build secondary waste water treatment plants to save the Belugi.
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In prospect, the Beluga’s may be fucked, nut Marineland down in Niagara has a bunch of retarded Belugi.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5SnZnjxL2o
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Nobody puts shit in the river through Glengarry, Son. Pristine fertile soil, stonemasons, and reverends all of us. But the cottagers sometimes through poop into the bay. I hope that answered your question.
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Sir Charles

12:32 am January, 14 hermit said...

Beluga whales are an important food source for Korean-Amërïkän dissidents and pet food producers. I believe the more important issue here, as we move up the food chain, concerns the carcinogenetic effect on domestic housecats and undocumented manicurists.
According to the NOAA, Japanese freighter ships deadheading out of Lake Superior fill their hulls with fresh lake water for sale on the black market to bootleg rice paddy irrigators.
More importantly, this dovetails into the ethical questions regarding the consumption of soft-shelled mollusks and goat tendons.

12:33 am January, 14 hermit said...

Not to mention porch beef.^

12:44 am January, 14 hermit said...

Regarding Tom Jones’ orange face; It ain’t shit compared to Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay’s purple face.
I saw that pill-popper’s mug on TV after the Colts’ glorious victory Sunday night and thought my TV was broke.

12:51 am January, 14 hermit said...

Andrew Luck’s neckbeard has magical powers and will get the Colts past the evil New England Tea-Baggers.
.
.
.
maybe

8:31 am January, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

4:15 pm January, 14 Charles Douchewin said...

Thank you, Rev, for that insight into St. Lawrence ecodynamics. I concur that the occasional healthy poop in the river by cottagers/villagers is natural, and harms nothing but the pointless sensibilities of the stodgy. And maybe your chances if you’re skinny-dipping on a date. But otherwise, the native Guelphites around me (demonym correctly applied) migrate to Fergus for their ScottCulture.
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In other news, Jim Irsay should know it’s poor taste to match your tie with your pocket square, and face.
.
.

In conclusion, I say we call Tom Jones’ case of orange a youthful indiscretion, and move on.

5:33 pm January, 14 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@Rev
.
It’s usually at times like this when I jump into the TARDIS and explore another world where people like this don’t exist. I’m surprised they didn’t try to break it down into hours or even minutes. Wait, is it 60 minutes in a day or 24 hours in a minute?
.
11 is considered higher math

9:25 pm January, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

That article about the days in a week and the ensuing fuckery was equal parts comical and soul crushing. I laughed and cried at the same time reading it.

1:47 am January, 15 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That Fergus festival is a muddy fag mess. Bad Clan.
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But this is one hot cancer survivor 60 year old commie broadcaster.
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http://www.keynotespeakerscanada.ca/speaker/wendy-mesley
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I’d lick her old ass.nSons. Stoooooned. 17

4:01 am January, 15 DarkSock said...

Meanwhile on April 04, 2005, desperate house ex-wives are attracted to rancid douche-hooba-stank like piranha to a can of opened vienna sausages tossed haphazardly into the Amazon….
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/friday-haiku-364/

8:22 pm January, 15 Et Tu Douche? said...

I needed a chuckle after a long day so I decides to reread the bodybuilder argument and i gotta say this still cracks me up.
.
“In case you forgot, ONE WEEK is Sunday-Sat, NOT Sun-sun, that’s 8 days moron.”

2:18 am January, 17 Vin J Douchal said...

Tonight’s headphone track, play it loud and fuccen groove:

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Jonny Lang – Not Right

2:18 am January, 17 Vin J Douchal said...

Tonight’s headphone track, play it loud and fuccen groove:

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Jonny Lang – Not Right

12:32 pm January, 18 douche equis said...

It’s like someone knew the mere mention of Julie London would bring me back here.

Anything new?

3:01 pm January, 18 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Stupid people again
.
http://time.com/3670647/qvc-moon-planet-or-star/

11:44 pm January, 18 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I guess Scooter is still around.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVbziARikfs
.
As Mrs. Doucheteau so deftly noted, “why does it have a mustache?”

11:08 am January, 19 Kai said...

Here is the thing http://goo.gl/Y0nPxi

3:24 pm January, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@Rev
.
Stop. Just stop. I’m pretty sure that if I asked my students the same question, they would say the moon was an asteroid or something.My head and heart shatter every time I have to see/listen to this kind of shit.
.
basic science is dead for most at age 6

8:41 pm January, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...


How did the Rev not know about this?

10:26 pm January, 19 Charles Douchewin said...

@ Doc Bunsen
.
This article (below) showed up on my radar recently. I wish it were in-credible. It has some interesting links, and appears legit, even though the author is a stupidity apologist.

“To be clear, I’m not saying 100% of people perfectly understand DNA, not by a long shot. There are certainly a significant number of people who don’t understand that there is DNA in food.”

3:41 am January, 20 DarkSock said...

hermit won the Internet last Fraiku; his easter egg is a fitness buff named “Prikker”…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/friday-haiku-364/
.
Sorry hermit, that’s her name, not what youse gets to do.

3:00 pm January, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Charles Douchewin
.
My summer home (the 10′ x 12′ cabin I’m building in the Montana plains) is coming along nicely. If you would like to build one next to mine I wouldn’t be adverse to it. I’m stocking up on ammo right now and MRE’s that will last 25 years (or so I’m told). My Uncle Ted gave me the plans for the cabin after his was confiscated.
.
27 amino acids, right?

6:24 pm January, 20 Charles Douchewin said...

^”Uncle Ted” FTW!
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Thanks Doc Bunsen. Dick Proenneke (1916 – ∞) taught me how to build a cabin, so I’m in.
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But if the idiots overtake me, this’ll be my sentiment:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJESLxEd0Tk
.
Because Mike Judge’s “Idiocracy” is a documentary ahead of its time.

9:34 pm January, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Can I come to the hinterlands with you veridical gentlemen? As long as no other Kazinski’s are present.
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We all know that the end is nigh so there is no pussyfootin’ around it anymore. Barry is gonna sink us. KaBlooey!!!!
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I am a skilled builder, economist, and political scientist. I once organized a balloon festival and have other leadership skills, including but not limited to being swole and benevolent. I offer my farming and mad DJ skills to the commune. I have experience in ice fishing, moonshining, hunting, and animal dressing.
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My daughters will soon be of child bearing age and my wife will fuck anybody. I have a large selection of heirloom seeds and silver coin for barter.
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Please respond at your earliest convenience.
.
Please note that I do not have formal military training, but I’m as resilient as Oprah’s clit.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHPURnsNPew
.
That hot chicks with corpses is a great way to see the up and coming whores.

11:52 pm January, 20 hermit said...

I read an article recently whose author lamented the fact that Amërïkä’s students were ranked twenty-seventh in overall test scores, behind several third world countries. The author then went on to plead for more money to “invest in early and high school education.” I know for a fact that when school boards get additional money they promptly spend it on lavish football stadiums, glassed atriums with marble floors.
.
These kids aren’t stupid for lack of funding, THEY’RE STUPID FOR LACK OF INTEREST! They flat don’t give a shit ‘cause the rich ones never had to work for anything, and the poor ones are told from birth that they can’t possibly succeed. There’s no way teachers can educate kids, whose dimwit parents don’t hold them accountable (after all, they were never held accountable) and suckle from the swollen breasts of pop-culture materialism and a sense of entitlement.
.
When little Johnny misbehaves he’s tranquilized and medicated ‘til he’s left drooling in the corner, slumped over in a puddle of Elmer’s™ Glue and stale urine.
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These problems can only be solved through mass sterilization, remote-controlled shock collars and harsh corporal punishment……………………… with rubber hoses and shit.
.
.
During an argument about jumper cables, my first ex-wife once hit me in the head with a can of chili.

11:53 pm January, 20 hermit said...

Doesn’t really matter though, soon artificial intelligence will be taking over the controls and we’ll all bow down at the foot of The Machine.

1:48 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

Whilst I agree with the gist of hermit’s posit above, as an architect whose firm’s bread and butter is publicly funded projects I am all for school boards commissioning lavish football stadiums and glassed atriums with marble floors.
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Because JUSTICE must be done.
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But not to me.
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Gist, I says. And posit. I says posit too. I says. Said.
.
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And mass-sterilization abattoirs. As long as I get to pick the finishes and appointments.
.
appointments I says.
.
18

1:49 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

And I’m for The Machine, as long as it pays 8% fees with allowable reimbursables.

2:00 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

I just caught the tail end of the Presidential Address, on MSNBC. It was on that channel not because I’m necessarily a flaming liberal but because on the weekends I keep it on Lock Up so’s I can see mofo’s get they ass whooped for cartons of cigarettes on the regular.
.
Anyway, dunno what was said, but I noticed they had this ridiculous “Do You Agree With What The President Is Saying RIGHT NOW” meter (powered by Bing…oh the humanity…); this idiot bar was wired to hundreds of actual morons, segregated as “liberal”, “conservative” or “idiot”, that peaked and waned like a cheap SparkoMatic™ Wal-Mart™ car stereo booster’s LED display. That shameless pandering feature alone warrants a 10,000 word philosophical screed which I, for one, am too lazy to compose. (Lookin’ at you, DB1)
.
However I am intrigued by this technology and demand that the next address, regardless of whom’s is President, be centered solely upon Reverend Chad, with him featured in a picture-in-picture on lower left, with a button that will allow him to butt in at double volume and rant; with a loudspeaker tower next to the podium in the House chamber, so it can be heard in real time. And I also hereby demand that said Reverend be prepped the hour before the speech by ingestion of one (1) liter of Maker’s Mark™, a canister of ether, 5 surviving tabs of acid hand-crafted by the dearly departed Bear Owlsley™, a case of Molson or whatever Canucks drink, a stack of Oreos™, three (3) Magnum™ condoms, a jar of diet mayonnaise, 3 innocent kittens (or baby marmosets), 3 38 year old strippers named Kandi with matching vertical Cesarean scars, a bag of pubic hairs (color matched), a flask of mescal, 3 coke-laced blunts, 3 gogurts portable yogurt tubes, a loaded hookah, a rough-hewn oak plank, Sarah Palin’s uterus lining, 7 dozen Hooters™ mild wings, an already-opened bottle of absinthe (the REAL shit) and a borderline-under-aged hairy mulatto (respekt).
.
Am I alone in this dream?

2:12 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

And tater tots. Topped with Hormel™ canned chili, with that orange shit scraped off the top before it’s microwaved.

2:14 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

And, obviously, a roll of paper towels. Name brand, like Bounty™.

2:15 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

Just saw the official Republican™ response…man, Sarah Palin™ done got olde. Gray old lady hair cut, and talking in a slow cadence like some Midwestern hawg castrater.
.
She needs advanced protein therapy and some lotion.

2:26 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

And an erection lasting right up to, but NOT exceeding, 4 hours.
.
Talkin’ about RevChad, not the olde chick.
.
Maybe her too.

2:28 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

And GRAIN. Because IT MUST EAT GRAIN™.

2:29 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

And Plinky’s Mom, housed in a large out-building or zeppelin warehouse.

2:29 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

Tethered, if possible.

3:14 am January, 21 admin said...

And a fuccen BEAR

3:16 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

errr, I mean, And a fuccen BEAR.
.
And hermit as co-host. Because it’s cold out there and he needs somewheres warm to roll up in one night.
.
De-homed.

6:46 am January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m in Son. Cause nothing says SOTUA like a light buzz, some tasty Mulatoos, and exploding microwaves full of cheesy french fried taters.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sL6QJSdqlt0
.
I pissed in Sarah Palin’s uterus lining, twice.
.
]Son

10:33 am January, 21 hermit said...

I’ve never watched more than thirty seconds of a presidential address, regardless who’s delivering it, for the same reason I’ve never watched more than thirty seconds of an infomercial. Even the “opposing party rebuttal” smacks of the WWE. Let the politician have his say and be done with it.
.

Put the Rev-O-Meter in there and I’m down for the whole thing.

1:05 pm January, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hermit is a genius, and no DarkSock you are not alone in your dream. A Rev-O-Meter would be brilliant and he’s just the man to to shame throttle that milf Palin.
.
For the Rev
And a 78 Camaro T-top with an 8 track for the Rev to pull up to said proceedings.

1:08 pm January, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

And may the 8 track be Joe’s Garage acts I,II & III.

1:09 pm January, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

And may he be wearing a” stupid looking white sort of male persons conservative kind of middle-of-the-road cotton undergarment”

1:25 pm January, 21 Et Tu Douche? said...

Also I wanna come visit the cabin and drink fine Bourbon with Doc Bunsen. I’m no freeloader so I would bring a well built American made tube amplifier (Dynaco, possibly a H.H. Scott) along with some Klipsch Speakers, a 1 Terabyte HD filled with a multitude of high quality ALAC files spanning multiple music genres. I make a mean soup from scratch so whatever the Rev hath hunted I would use the bones to make a tasty broth to get the process rolling. In other words I would EARN my keep. I know the concept of EARNING is a novel idea these days but I still believe in it and live by it.I work outdoors so I have a plethora of woolen socks I could bring too.

2:06 pm January, 21 Charles Douchewin said...

Woolen Socks, heirloom seeds, musical camaraderie, bourbon, and ammo.
.
If the Kroeger women are present, then we gots ourselves a Kibbutz.

3:03 pm January, 21 The Dude said...

I was literally watching concrete dry, so I missed the SotU thingie. Did the secret muslim terrorist sympathizing peacenik dictator apologist say anything enlightening?

4:56 pm January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@The Dude
.
It was exactly what you expected it to be. That Obama is perhaps the best orator of our times. I gotta give the fatherless Muslim credit for that.
.
I agree to all of the above conjecture and survivalism.
.
Slingblades

5:04 pm January, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

What Hermit said at 11:52pm.
.
“There’s no way teachers can educate kids, whose dimwit parents don’t hold them accountable (after all, they were never held accountable) and suckle from the swollen breasts of pop-culture materialism and a sense of entitlement.”.
.
I can’t motivate you to learn if you a) don’t give a fuccen shit or b) are so starving that you can’t pay attention. It just don’t work. I’ve been in the game too long and I see this shit year after year after year. The only thing that keeps me from blowing my brains out (aside from Dr. Mrs. Doc Bunsen) are those kids who show up, take responsibility for their actions and want to get educated because they know that’s what they need. Too bad that’s hovering at around 1%.
.
Definitely in on the Rev-O-meter idea. He needs theme music to come on just before he starts to talk. Anyone with an idea?
.
Man it’s gettin’ crowded at the cabins. As long as we can keep it under 20 or so I’m cool with it. Crowds piss me off and freak me out a bit. Then again if we’re all drinking hard liccker I ain’t so bad.

11:14 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Next Fraiku is loaded in the chamber; as Sean Connery would say: “Ghet tew it, shonn!”
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/friday-haiku-silicone-edition/

11:26 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Also…perhaps emboldened by my posit last night about the State o’ th’ Union address, I would like to start a civil and polite political discussion in this forum.
.
Oh, yes, I know – you folke don’t come here to roll around in the mudhole of governance, but I would like to start an intellectual and engaging conversation and discourse.
.
So to that effect: Let me mark the following position, and then I will open the floor to dissenting opinion and debate. To wit:
.
I like titties. I really, really do. There. I said it.
.
I yield the floor to the opposition.

11:30 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Clarification: I exclude the following:
.
– Man Titty
– Moose Titty
– Bear Titty
– Lizard Titty
– Fish Titty
– The Tittii of Barack Obama, John “Tangerine Machine” Boehner, and Ted Cruz.
– Insect Titty
– Whitman Mayo, aka “Grady” from Sanford & Son (November 15, 1930 – May 22, 2001, respect)
,.
Please proceed.
.
Governors.

11:31 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

And Tom Brady Titty. And Rachel Maddow. And tree titty.
.
.
.
And dirt titty.

11:34 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Chicken titty.
.
Kim Jong Un titty.
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Goolo titty. (sorry brah; respekt)
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dolphin/porpoise/beluga titty
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MySpace titty

11:35 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

And the rare instances of where, due to genetic hi-jinx and malfeasance, there are titties on titties.
.
And deflated balls titties.

11:38 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

‘kay. I’m done.
.
.
.
.
And Pfah’s titties.
.
Lämp titty.

11:38 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Third titties

11:46 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Chin titties. and BatSuit titties. seriously.

11:48 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

I was going to add Shark Tits. But I did a Google Image Search and you know what? I’m okay with that.

11:50 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

I’m sorry…what were we talking about?

11:58 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

Semantic satiation (also semantic saturation) is a psychological phenomenon in which repetition causes a word or phrase to temporarily lose meaning for the listener, who then perceives the speech as repeated meaningless sounds.
.
Titties.
.
.
.
Say it with me.
.
“Titties”.
.
Titty.
.
.
Titty.
.
TITTY TITTY TITTY VON TITTY
.
.
.
.
.
.
*titty*

11:58 pm January, 21 DarkSock said...

SAY IT WITH ME

12:22 am January, 22 DarkSock said...

tit
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
teee

1:49 am January, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I want to fuck some tight titties on February 19th when I go to Ottawa for my sesquicentennial orgy of exams and hookers. I got the strong Viagra this time. No more three hooker soft cock this year, I’m fucking 50 year old amateurs bare back. The fitness instructor got great titties, likely do her as long as she follows the morally relativistic objectivism I emit when inst the midst of banter with older ladies who know I am married. I might fuck the chick with Lupus (titties), but she got all skinny and pale and got some eye wrinkly shit on account of the coming glaucoma and sun allergies. Maybe I won’t titties her after all. She used to have nice titties but the vegan diet wracked her bad. don’t know if her Heinrich Himmler titties are still fuckable.
.
Eugenie Bouchard has nice titties. Like to get her to the cabin. And by cabin I mean roofies and gin Gatorade’s.
.
Guilt-wracked Catholic renoB.

1:50 am January, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Oops. Stoooooned.
.

1:22 pm January, 22 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Eugenie was asked to twirl cuz she’s a spinner…
.
http://espn.go.com/tennis/aus15/story/_/id/12209833/2015-australian-open-twirl-request-eugenie-bouchard-sparks-controversy

8:50 pm January, 22 DarkSock said...

titty titty bang bang

10:40 pm January, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I met some Canadian hipsters last night as I was trying to get their mother’s poon wet. They looked like manly lumberjacks and told me to treat their mother with more respect (respect). So we may have a different ilk up here. Ilk I says. Their sister, a heroine chic niece of my college buddy, who’s 50th bday party it was, told me I was in. But ya can’t fuck your buddies sister, right? So I got whacked on Lenny’s latest crop and totally failed at my speech cause of the short term memory loss. Fuck.
.
The moral of the story is that you don’t get your bud’s sister wet and then smoke Lenny’s weed after 18 drinks. But this hipster video may be relevant in Bushwick.
.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ez8ri_bushwick-brooklyn-2015_fun

12:19 am January, 24 DarkSock said...

Magnum Douche P.I. won the internet with his Fraiku post this week; check it out, plus the mighty yoga yogurt target easter egg I stashed in his embolded red text post:
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/friday-haiku-silicone-edition/

4:27 am January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m going to 100. Not knowing where we venture, I soldier on. Son.\
.
4

4:28 am January, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

100.
.
Celebration Day

12:12 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Is anyone here still talking aboot Rush?
.
BECAUSE THEY’RE COMING TO N’AWLINS IN MAY BEEYOTCHES FOR THEIR R40 TOUR.
.
I’m so fuccen there.
.
Canucks.
.
40

12:14 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

I got her Bush Wick right here, Rev.
.
Riiiiight here.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I’m talking about my Deep South Weenus.
.
My ding-ding.
.
.
Tally-Whacker.
.
Dongle.

1:34 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he got nominated for Speaker of the House

1:35 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner his girlfriend’s pee looks like Orange Julias™

1:35 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he can’t see at dusk

1:35 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner his blood type is Vitamin C

1:36 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he wipes with tangerines

1:37 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner his maid things his bed sheets are the shroud of Turin

1:37 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he got stuck to George Hamilton once

1:37 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner when he smiles traffic slows down

1:38 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner you can track him by his sweat

1:38 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner you can see his breath

1:39 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner traffic avoids him

1:39 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he’s OSHA’s mascot

1:40 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner when he goes in the ocean he causes fish kills

1:40 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he farts citrus

2:31 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner his toilet bowl looks like an L.A. sunset…

2:32 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he has to soak his dentures in Go-Jo™

2:33 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner that vampires that feed off him are shunned by their in-laws.
.
.
.
wat?

2:34 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner his tee-shirts have to be made of tampons otherwise he forfeits the tux deposit

2:34 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner frackers have to clean his Jacuzzi

2:35 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner Canadians accuse him of witchcraft. Then apologize.
.
.
RevChad…personally fighting the polite Canadian stereotype since birth.

2:35 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner cops shoot at him when he raises his hands

2:36 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner Wesley Snipes makes jokes about him

2:37 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he uses orange sherbet for deodorant.

2:37 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner his nipples look like bleach stains

2:38 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner Crayola made a new color called “Tom Jones Asshole” to replace “burnt sienna”

2:38 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

WHERE Y’ALL AT?

2:39 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner he goes blind in candlelight

2:39 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner when he lays out the sun says FUCK THIS I”M TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT

2:40 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

Tom Jones uses so much self tanner this is the coffin he bought for himself:
orange you glad

2:43 am January, 26 DarkSock said...

^Where does the stick go? Don’t axe, don’t tell.

3:53 am January, 26 Rev Chad of The Future Sandwich Generation said...

Hey Dark Sock. I’ma go see the RUSH in Montreal with Mrs. again, after a meal of horse of course.. I buy my tickets when I return to Canada from skiing, with the Jews I just got out of diapers and the parents I will soon be putting in diapers. I think I was just mooned by Sen. Leahy as he streaked through check-in. Fucking liberals.
.
Ben and Jerry’s
.
http://dangerousminds.net/comments/shelley_winters_dumped_whisky_on_oliver_reed

4:07 am January, 26 Rev Chad of The Future Sandwich Generation said...

Reverend Chad (and REv Chad Sr. (post kidney failure)) have partied like Mr. Leahy lo these many years.
.

3:00 pm January, 27 Charles Douchewin said...

6:58 pm January, 27 hermit said...

“Shelly Winters dumped whisky on Oliver Reed” sounds like a DW story.

3:04 am January, 28 DarkSock said...

Rev – Oliver Reed was an epic mo-fo; he died in Malta during the filming of Gladiator after a night of passionate and heroic drinking with some Brit sailors stationed there:
.

“Oliver Reed died of a heart attack in Malta in 1999 after beating five Royal Navy sailors at arm-wrestling. Not only were the sailors MUCH younger than him, but Reed was also hammered drunk at the time. on his final bar trip, the 61-yr old actor drank 3 (THREE) bottles of Captain Morgans Rum, 8 bottles of German beer, 14 doubles of Famous Grouse whiskey. and all this while on his lunch break!. His bar bill for that final lunch time totaled 270 Maltese lira, almost £450.”
.
Nancies
.
other notables of Mr. Reed’s raucous life:
.
“He was severely injured and almost died during the filming of The Three Musketeers (1973) when he was stabbed in the throat during the windmill duel scene.”
.
He puked on Steve McQueen.
.
“My only regret is that I didn’t drink every pub dry and sleep with every woman on the planet.” – Oliver Reed.

3:15 am January, 28 DarkSock said...

Say it with me…
.
http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/blog/2005/04/fraiku-3/

12:12 pm January, 28 hermit said...

Once, on the set of Merv Griffin, Oliver Reed arm- wrestled Moms Mabley and lost, but then proceeded to drink her under the table and bang her in the woman’s rest room right through her cotton dress.

9:41 pm January, 28 Rev Chad of The Future Sandwich Generation said...

Some young hippie chicks today, told me that there is a restaurant here at the greatly modernized Jay Peak called Alice’s Restaurant.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m57gzA2JCcM
.
Fuck you Father Time. Mother Nature gots my back.
16

4:35 am February, 20 creature said...

…Think I bettah scratch now!
.
.
.& et tu, don’t ferrite the Creedence in rev chads camaro, or z car, or subaru, or what’re ah tha fuck kinda whip he is tunnelin’ into snowbanks big ennuff to freeze the hemoroids of jeebus’s crusty crack these days…wha?

4:36 am February, 20 creature said...

Fergit…don’t freight the Creedence, sez I…son

4:41 am February, 20 creature said...

Fergit, goddamn it…I fergit!

1:22 am March, 26 Ayneeda Douche said...

Oompa Lompa doom pa de poooo….

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