hickbags
-
Monday, April 9, 2012
Aqua Vulva Got Game
Douchelockets and stupidface may attach British Sexy Sophia into your Old Spice orbit, Aqua Vulva, but that don’t make you not a countrydouche poseur shoescrape.
Yeah.
Beat that sentence, Young Sexy Stephen Hawking With Game.
Ever since creepy-eyed Blake Shelton “crossed over” on that show The Voice, a plethora of Countrybags have rained down on smoggy Los Angeles like a pestilent plague of frogs.
Plague Frogs that sing about how they miss their small hometown, but they’ll go back there some day, and the local diner juke box played Patsy Cline, and Jews killed their God, and them Mexicans need to be shot, ‘yall, because that’s how ‘Merica is!
At least, that’s what it sounds like they’re saying when I listen to it.
Seriously. Look at Blake Shelton’s eyes. They’re like some mutant android Doctor Who alien spore taking over the body of Nurse Ratched before producing a plastic Talking Tina to take out Telly Savalas on the stairs.
Or something like that.
Yup, I’m having way too much fun with links on my first day back.
Thursday, March 1, 2012Sheboygan HCwDB Is Not Really That Impressive
You want fancy douchebaggery in presence of hot chick in rural Wisconsin? They can’t even get cable TV there.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011The Three Mogos Squash Georgia Kelly
Yes.
That appears to be a tattoo of a six pound watch on Bob Mogo.
Georgia Kelly giggles softly.
But secretly wonders how much longer until her brother Frankie gets back from the bathroom, so she can get that ride to her pilates class like he promised.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011Ever Get the Feeling the Universe Has Indigestion?
Yeah, me too.
Jenny Smiles took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up at a Herpster convention. And now everyone has tiny plastic cups.
Monday, August 1, 2011Hickbags Play Beer Pong, Celebrate the HCwDB of the Week
Poor Farmgirl Betty.
She daydreams by the tractor of being plucked like a dusky jewel from the closed-ended fate of her happenstance and deposited in better surroundings, with potential and future and apple cosmos like she saw on Sex and the City.
But reality intercedes. Jethro pounding shots. Summer pig carnivals. And eighteen kids milking the cows are all that awaits on the other side of that silo in the tractor race of time marching ever onward, inexplicably towards her fate.
Man, that’s depressing. Lets move on.
