Thursday, March 1, 2012

Sheboygan HCwDB Is Not Really That Impressive

You want fancy douchebaggery in presence of hot chick in rural Wisconsin? They can’t even get cable TV there.

# posted by douchebag1
12:56 pm March, 1 Southern Scrotic said...

That’s some fine looking teets on the heifer.

12:58 pm March, 1 Wheezer said...

“Just douche it.”

1:00 pm March, 1 Wheezer said...

Is it an error of some kind to refer to her boobies as “corn-fed taters”? I don’t think I’d then be able to tell if she were from the Midwest or Idaho.

1:12 pm March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

She must be banging him on account of his sweet truck. I know that’s what I would tell him. You know if he could handle 10 minutes in heaven with the Dreuchinator.

1:13 pm March, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Either way Wheezer she is good ol fashioned country yumminess the kind that keeps you warm and occupied on many a cold winter night out in the heartland.

1:19 pm March, 1 Eponymous Douche said...

Mommy got milk’ums!

1:25 pm March, 1 DarkSock said...

Mmmm….spinners.

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This lady looks very much like Mrs. Sock looked when we first met. So if she’s a Mrs. DarkSock, then he can be algebraically confirmed via his DarkSock X to my Y to be a doppelganger douchebag.

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Is that how the equation would work? Mr. White? Dr. Bunsen? You both know math, and play D&D.

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I use consultants and engineers; fuck math.

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Gygaxes.

1:38 pm March, 1 tall guy said...

At least this pair of hayseeds aren’t fat.

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Dreuche, so anyone who makes a weight related comment is by default actively encouraging eating disorders? Funny how everything is a disorder these days. I remember when I first heard about ADD. My initial thought was sheesh, just what the world needs: Another Dumb Disorder.

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1:40 pm March, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Cleetus did not know you couldn’t bequeath your daughter and son to each other, but here are the lovebirds on their honeymoon ready to consumate in the hay barn. Fuck you , indeed, townie fops

1:47 pm March, 1 tall guy said...

Plus Dreuche, that truck sure is a sweet looking ride. But compare it to the Dreuchinator? Fergeddaboutit!

1:51 pm March, 1 douche-da-douche said...

looks like a Country Bumpkin version of Tiny Dancer

1:51 pm March, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Bobbie Jean keeps a spittoon between her milk muppets otherwise Daryl will spit all over the carpet. And she keeps a shotgun under the bed in case of Canadians.

1:53 pm March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, sorry for the delay, I had to take a ham out of the oven before it got too overcooked. I’m just saying the chick in that previous was hardly a porker and ADD is pretty real as well as anorexia and bulimia. Women already fixate far too much on their weight and just going for the hambeast jab makes you kinda come off assholey. Now if this part of your game playing technique, fine whatevs but seeing as how your didjereedong hasnt yet penetrated the German’s Vulvawagon, you might wanna consider changing up your tactics.

1:55 pm March, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

10 minutes in heaven with drueche = 1 minute handjob, 5 minutes hosing of with a garden hose in the back yard, 4 minutes of uncontrolled sobbing.

2:00 pm March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, that’s 3 minutes of uncontrolled sobbing followed by one minute of pudding cup consumption afterwards.

2:04 pm March, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

@dreuche, I stand corrected. I suppose there is always time for more sobbing and regretful self reproach later. Preferably over a nice Bordeaux.

2:18 pm March, 1 Capt. James T. Douche said...

Promo still from MTVs hot new show 16 and a douchebag!

2:29 pm March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

@McCrudeshoes, a fine aged boxed wine (’09 was a good year) will also suffice.

2:32 pm March, 1 Doucheywallnuts said...

You think Sheboygan is the sticks, you should have seen Nevada back in the late 1950s early 1960s. I tagged along with Sinatra and his Hoboken muscle on a trip out there when he was looking to buy up properties and had some hot leads from the East Coast families. He had a meeting with two Cali jomokes, Bones Renner and Wingy Grober, who were in dutch with the Feds and owed a ton of back taxes. To make a long story a bit longer, Frank used his pal Skinny D’Amato to “convince” Grober to sell his stake in the Cal Neva Lodge. And by “convince” I mean Skinny punched Wingy in the ass, and by punched Wingy in the ass I mean Skinny’s arm pretty much disappeared, and when he pulled it out he had a handful of Wingy’s intestines.

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Wingy signed the papers literally with his own blood and guts leaking out of his ass. Good times. So, word gets around that Old Blue Eyes bought this party house and before long anyone who is everyone starts showing up. Mobsters and Hollywood types, losers from the Catskills and Borscht Belt, Broadway serious actor types, you name it. It was a friggin’ schlep to get out there, Crystal Bay on the Nevada side of Lake Tahoe. Which made it the perfect destination for deviants from the celebrity crowd.

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Marilyn Monroe gave JFK a rim job on the deck of her cabin one night when I was visiting, and if you thought hearing a coyote’s howl in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere is scary, you haven’t heard a Kennedy scream when a broad works her tongue up his bazoo. Bazoo, I says. Anyways….

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Cal Neva was the hippest hick town ever. And I spent one of the craziest nights of my life there. Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong had just recorded their second album of American classic songs, which by the way was just a cover so the two of them could fuck. The big secret in those days were that duets and collaborations were just excuses for these stars to bang like wild dogs. Ella was a great broad, but looked like a guy up close. And from the front, with her pants off, she looked like Louis Armstrong from the back. She didn’t have meat curtains, as you kids say, she had meat pillows. meat pillows, I says. 

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There were these big, wild orgies at Cal Neva. Everyone running around naked, screwing, drinking, some doing drugs. Now I never did drugs. That was for the coloreds and PRs. But this night in Lake T I downed some Peyote Buttons along with about 8 Jack and Cokes. I was off my nut. I got the buttons from Bing Crosby, who was a huge fan of the psychedelics, who also introduced me to Phyllis Diller. So I wind up canoodling with Phyllis and we had all kinds of fun. I got a little crazy, and could have been whacked, would have been whacked in any other setting. I got up to take a leak after getting head from Diller, and wound up pissing on Fat Tony Salerno, a big mob boss from the Big Apple, by mistake. He was wearing a big fedora and in my state it looked like a Toilet.

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He stood up with this look on his face. I thought he was gonna kill me. I was so terrified, for an instant, I wasn’t hallucinating, as we was sticking me with something – hard – in my gut. I says to myself that this is it. Then I realize Fat Tony is buck naked. Then I realize he has an enormous boner. Then I realize he’s stickin’ me with his enormous boner. My lucky day, he loves getting pissed on, and turns to the broad he’s with and says, “Honey, that’s how you piss on a guy!” The luckiest day of my life! I shoulda bet the trifecta at Santa Anita that day, my friends…My life was saved by a made guy who loves to get pissed on. Whatta world.

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So I get back to Phyllis, and Bing is making moves on her, and has his bean bag, or “Bing Bag” as he called it, it her face. I says, ” Take a fuckin’ powder singer man,” and he blows. After some more canoodling, canoodling I says, I down another dose of buttons, and I says to Phyllis that these buttons are so much more chewy than the first batch. And she says to me, “Those aren’t Peyote Buttons you dumb guinea, they are my nipples!” At this instant I feel the churn in my belly and all 8 Jack and Cokes and about two pounds of linguini with white clam come shooting out of my pie hole. Needless to say that was the last time I saw Phyllis until she played the Playboy Club in AC back in 1979 and she needed some personal security. The years weren’t kind to her, as without the wig and make-up she looked like Lou “The Toe” Groza.

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So if you kids think Sheboygan is the sticks, you got another thing coming.

2:42 pm March, 1 Nancy Dreuche said...

^Sammy D Jr. would be sobbing salty fuccen tears out of his one good eye if he were still around today to read that. Bravo I says.

2:44 pm March, 1 The Dude said...

Country Boy needs an Extreme Doucheover. Her mounds REALLY stand out in that landscape, and by that I mean those are some big cans.

2:50 pm March, 1 CB Popped said...

Always likes me a good Doucheywallnuts beat down from time to time,,,good work.

Was in Vegas in ’93,,,then in 07, what a difference. The 50’s were Godfather 2 times, the Wild West for sure.

2:51 pm March, 1 CB Popped said...

Casino, etc. Peschi.

2:51 pm March, 1 Wedgie said...

Nice cankles. Hitch those two up to a plow.

2:57 pm March, 1 Capt. James T. Douche said...

@DW I heard a story once about an incident involving Sammy Davis Jr. popping out his glass eye and allowing John Holmes to fuck his empty eye socket to full, glazed completion whilst Linda Lovelace rubbed off in the corner next to them. Truth or urban legend I wanna know I says??

3:05 pm March, 1 Stephanie said...

You can actually surf the shores of Lake Michigan in Sheboygan. And yes they do have electricity and cable,and fine German sausages and cheese.

3:14 pm March, 1 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

I hate to burst anyone’s bubble (least of all DB1’s) but Homer and Ellie Mae look to be from Eustis, Florida (or Useless, FL as we used to call it) the Cantaloupe Capital of the world.

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.Like the soon-to-bud crop behind them, her cantaloupes look firm and juicy and ripe for plucking. And by “ripe for plucking” I mean ejaculating between them.

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.Vedders

3:21 pm March, 1 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Gotta give Daryl Bobby a pass here. Just a dumb hick thinking he looks cool flipping off the camera. And that is a sweeeet 91′ Chevy S-10 pickup

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Hott is 4’11” and has a phenom set of DD’s. But if she keeps up with the bratwurst , fried cheese curds and hanging with this mental midget, she will look like shit in 10 years.

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Packers suck !

3:43 pm March, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Douchey Wallnuts needs Michael Mann and David Milch to bring his particular magic to the small screen, HBO-style

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Hoffmans

3:47 pm March, 1 Doucheywallnuts said...

The Rat Pack never hung with the porn biz schevotzes. Although Sammy was known to pop the eye out after he had had one too many Manichevitz’s. Another point of note, he did not share the gift that his people are known for, if you catch my drift. And I ain’t talkin’ about his sense of rhythm.

4:50 pm March, 1 Evilmoose said...

“See this is my best nose pickin’ finger”

5:30 pm March, 1 Nostradouchus said...

As someone who did his undergrad in WI, I take issue with their being hot chicks from there. Not possible.

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Amazing globes? Yes, They have an extra layer of blubber up there. But hot? Only if you consider fake tans and bottle blond hot. They do that like Jersey.

5:36 pm March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

If Douchie Wallnuts keeps this shit going I’m cancelling cable and going old school antenna box. Antenna box I says.

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Soprano style I says.

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5:41 pm March, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That blonde chick is perfect in every way if she stays relatively trim yet succulently plump and breasty. Breasty I says. Son.

8:53 pm March, 1 Blah said...

If Doucheywallnuts had worked Fatty Arbuckle and Judge Crater into his narrative, he’d get a movie deal.

8:58 pm March, 1 Wheezer said...

Doucheywallnuts is pretty much the frontrunner for Comment of the Year™ right now.

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But which comment? Hmmmmm…..

9:39 pm March, 1 DarkSock said...

@ Dreuche:

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Hambeast Jab?

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Didjereedong?

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German VulvaWagon?

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I want to go out and start three different bands just so I can give them these names.

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Sign me up for my three minutes and pudding cup.

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And by “three minutes” I mean “32 seconds”, and by “pudding cup” I mean “tube sock”. A dark one.

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Lap Taffies.

10:02 pm March, 1 Douchble Helix said...

@DW – Wow!

11:01 pm March, 1 tall guy said...

Dreuche, you have shifted your focus slightly from women as potential (and disappointed) sex partners to women as victims of their own ravenously devouring appetites. Is this some sort of business plan? Fun fact time: The term ‘cretin’ came about because the people of the isle of Crete for a very long time DIDN’T expose their malformed young.

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Incidentally, I tend to prefer athletic women, not rakes. Thus, I always keep a secret stash of ham to fatten the overly athletic chicks up when I plan on knocking them up so to speak. It’s really all about the breeding. I have superior genes and should breed as much as possible. A guy I once knew, who really fucking hates my guts but is quite into science said that I should knock as many chicks up as possible due to my physiologies superior nitrogen use. Whatever the fuck that means. Pity I never wanted kids; but that’s the world’s loss and my gain.

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The German’s walking around on cloud nine. Coincidence? Hardly.

11:01 pm March, 1 Lady Godiva's Piebald said...

i am going to go out on a limb and guess that the hott has never in her life made an attempt to tame or trim her bush. in fact, i bet reaching into that matted mess of ecstacy is exactly like going to the luby’s salad bar, finding the stoners in the night crew have forgotten, or decided not to put out the serving utensils, and reaching your hand into the day old cole slaw and putting a heaping handful on your plate.

this also reminds me of the time i hosed brett somers and fanny flagg on mescaline and methadrine. some significant bush on those ladies.

dumb doras explorahs

6:50 am March, 2 Nancy Dreuche said...

@tall guy, all well and good and the German should be ecstatic about it. But I’m afraid I’m sticking with my original theory that a fat chick killed your Dad until I receive documentation as to otherwise. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some ham that needs sandwiching and since the Jamaican bobsled team that I employ as my butlers are off today I must make it myself.

7:14 am March, 2 Hurl Scheibe said...

Rotten Johnsonville Bratwurst.

10:32 am March, 2 Douchetros Douchetros Ghali said...

Its been a looong time since my last post. Thanks for that, great firewall. Lucky for me, my VPN really comes through just in time to let me say BOOOOOOOOOOBS! Back in high school we used to play drinking games to 21 Jump Street as an excuse to get the girls drunk and topless. Bet this gem of a ‘scony doesn’t need Depp and Blatz as an excuse to bare those rambunctious twins.

1:18 pm March, 2 Wedgie said...

Hey, I bet she has a gyroscope in her monkey hole.

5:13 am March, 3 CB Popped said...

John Boy Walton is giving us all the finger,,,,lol.

4:53 pm March, 3 eric said...

I have to say this guy doesn’t look like a douchebag, just dumb for flipping off the camera.

9:00 pm March, 3 stovepiper said...

Sheboygan is an hour away from Milwaukee, which makes it less than three hours from Chicago… we’re not talking about hillbillies here… She is hot, and he does suck, though.

10:29 pm March, 3 Douchble Helix said...

Yes, Milwaukee only *seems* like a boring-ass town because it pales in comparison to…Sheboygan!!

6:56 pm March, 4 Random lady commenter said...

Sheboyganites may not be able to get cable, but clearly they can get cosmetic surgery. Ain’t no way those girls are real.

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