Douchelips

    Thursday, March 16, 2017

    Charles Von Cankersore Gives Ninotchka the Doucheface

    You might presume that a faux tanned Ed Hardy disciple inappropriately cuddle-macking Svetlana is uberdouche precisely because of douche face.

    Not so fast, you cracker!

    Even devoid of doucheface, Charles Von Cankersore retains a high degree of smelly poo.

    Thus proving my theorem that even in the age of Trumpocalypse, douche aura permeates beyond the performative signifiers.

    Now that that’s settled, who wants an Orange Whip?

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, May 16, 2013

    The Rusty Swab

    Rusty Swab

    ‘Beware the swirling sleeve tatts of The Rusty Swab,’ whispered the seagull to the ancient mariner who bid adieu to his granddaughter Sophie at a wizened old port in Westchester.

    And the rest was what Aristotle called tragedy and Marx called farce.

    No not that Marx.

    The other one.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, November 29, 2012

    According to Lorraine, Melvin Is Not Actually a Very Serious Pimp

    According to Melvin, Melvin’s iTunes mix channel is like totally gonna blow up mad serious yo and you just wait.

    According to the DB1, Lorraine’s belly requires immediate pooch spackle.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Tuesday, October 23, 2012

    THE BALLAD OF THUNDERSMIRK MCGEE

    Duckface Molly Sims tries to fit in, but her hair betrays her. She pines for a simpler time when featherbacks reigned supreme, and she longs to have a relevant conversation about the dubious merits of replacing Kate Jackson with Shelley Hack.

    ThunderSmirk McGee spikes his hair high in an attempt to draw attention away from his freakishly large nostrils. It is not working. There is also no reason to wear suspenders when you’ve already got a white belt with a DG buckle the size of a personal pan pizza.

    We don’t need to see it to know it’s there.

    Like the very air we breathe.

    Or this.

    # posted by Steve L.
    Wednesday, August 8, 2012

    Kisseus Vomitorious Has a New Tattoo

    And by “tattoo,” I mean the crotch rash.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, August 3, 2012

    Manuel Uses Doucheface to Hide Deep Insecurities About His Lovemaking Abilities with Kaylie

    Kaylie’s youth filled celebration of female doe-eye hints at winterberries, kaleidoscopic sunrises, tangerine trees, and the DB1 hiding in her closet fondling her used gyroscope.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, July 16, 2012

    Duckhead Hits the Town

    duckhead

    Donkey Douche’s little bro, DuckHead Douche, is celebrating the news that D.D., while being denied parole, at least holds the distinction of being worth 2 cartons of Marlboro Reds. That’s a family record!

    So it’s time to grab Busty McChesty and L’il Cher and hit the club!

    Ducky does miss getting into big bro’s stash of booger sugar though…

    # posted by Bagnonymous
    Wednesday, July 11, 2012

    Owen Wilson Nose and Kissylips Pollute Sandy

    Doucheface and Rayon Shirt piddle hyperbole like a salami on roller skates.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, June 28, 2012

    Manuel Kissylips Ruins Shelley's Debutante Ball

    Look, we’ve all made stupidface in pics back in the day.

    I get that.

    But Kissylips?

    Nope. Can’t say as I have.

    Manuel is a douche. So let it be written. So let it be done.

    Shelley giggles when tickled by an ostrich feather.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Monday, April 23, 2012

    The Punch Brothers Score Over Their Paygrade

    Lets start off this week with a little Punch Brother Twin Doucheface action.

    Angelica and her sexy mom, Sexy Mom Suzie, have clearly stumbled into the wrong club after their car hit a water buffalo.

    This whole scene’ll end with some technicolor dream sequence dubstep masshup of The Gardens of the Fitzi-Continis.

    Yup. Too much sugar with my corn flakes this morning. Please excuse the nonsense.

    # posted by douchebag1
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