Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Owen Wilson Nose and Kissylips Pollute Sandy

Doucheface and Rayon Shirt piddle hyperbole like a salami on roller skates.

# posted by douchebag1
1:52 pm July, 11 creature said...

hot has Hep C

2:21 pm July, 11 The Dude said...

He’s giving the Mayan Lips of monkey hole.

3:00 pm July, 11 Stephanie said...

What he does is pour his drink down his nose and then catch it in his mouth. Classy fucker,huh?

4:04 pm July, 11 FredN. said...

She looks just like Paul L’Astnamé, Jenna’s boyfriend on 30 Rock.

.

http://bit.ly/Labsix

5:15 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

Oh snap for a second I thought you were clowning on Sandy’s nose.

5:58 pm July, 11 DoucheyWallnuts said...

They are sipping a joint urine sample out of the finest Riedel Brandy Snifter. And Sandy, that rhymes with Tranny. Kind of.

6:54 pm July, 11 Troy Tempest said...

I once knew a girl who looked a lot like Sandy. Fucked her. Once. Met her in a bar. Got hammered. She said “let’s go to MY place…” I’m like “sure thing babeeee” and so we go to her place (fuck I am SO drunk right now, but not nearly as hammered as I was that night…) and she’s like “let’s get naked” and I’m totally down with that, and she’s like slurping my dick and we’re having all kinds of fun when she says “I like it in a SPECIAL place” and I’m thinking “BOING! She wants it up the poop chute! YOWZA!” So I pull out and go to lick her brown zone when she says “No silly, follow me!” So we leave the bed room to this hall closet. She opens it up and it has a four foot section of 3/4 inch plywood across the doorway. And the entire closet (which goes back a good 7 or 8 feet and about 4 ft wide) is FILLED with styrofoam peanuts.

.

.

.

Seriously.

.

And she giggles her boobies and says “Jump in, honey!” So, I’m like thinkin’ “OK, WTF” And I dive in and she dives in after me and we fuck like crazed weasels in this floating ocean of styrofoam peanuts. And as we fuck, we work our way down, and it gets darker and tigher, and her kegels went to work on my dick and we would come up for air and then roll around and fuck our way down. I filled her pussy with enough baby batter to fill a jam jar.

.

Afterwords, we had some coffee and munchies, and chatted. While we talked, I realised “This was not for my edification or entertainment, it was all about her, and there had been many more before me.” And then I realised why some of the peanuts were a bit “yellower” and why many were broken and crushed.

.

I never saw her again.

It was the single weirdest fuck I ever had. I’ve done stranger things, but that was just so out there and creepy… shivers…

7:41 pm July, 11 Nancy Dreuche said...

@ Troy, high five? I’m not sure what the appropriate response is after a tale like that. Maybe her Dad worked in a peanut packing plant and he never had time for her? Not exactly DWallnuts class material but it was an okay read.

8:02 pm July, 11 Said said...

I fucked Sandy twice the first time, yo. <- trying on the Badass Hat as opposed to the Bad AssHat hat.

8:03 pm July, 11 The Dude said...

Fuck! The sign in thing gets me every time.

12:59 am July, 12 The Dude said...

Hey, I’m still signed in! Troy, you’re really fuck’n weird, and if there’s a good way to be weird, you’re on that path. That’s funny stuff dude!

4:21 am July, 12 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Troy, that’s one pazzo puttana! Pazzo, I says. Stay out of the peanuts….

6:24 am July, 12 Sir Huddleston Fuddleston said...

@Troy. Well, that was nauseating.

7:06 am July, 12 Troy Tempest said...

@Nancy – I don’t write “stories”. That actually happened. I just tried to describe it as best as possible, given the fact I was completely drunk off my ass on 12 year old rhum.

@Dude – thanks!

@DW – pazzo? Totally. Puttana? I don’t know. Selfish, weird and kinky as fuck? Yeah. Whore? Not really. But crazy? Pazzo – penultima pazzo… (Ultima pazzo is a different memory)

6:14 pm July, 12 Guid is Good said...

When did HCwDB become Penthouse Letters?

6:14 pm July, 12 Guid is Good said...

I didn’t get the email.

10:23 pm July, 12 DarkSock said...

His nose puts the “peen” in “ball peen nose”.

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