2010 Douchie Awards
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Tuesday, August 8, 2017
The Starblazer Uvulates the Life Force from Kelly-Lynn
Going through the ole’ HCwDB archives one day and I stumbled into an assortment of unholy steaming ferret load of a toad pimple from way back in the dark days of Hottie/Douchey defenestration in 2010.
This simmering simpering simian shreds any sense of societal dignity and post-Nietzschean respek by pretending he doesn’t care about the very optic gaze for whom he seeks refractive corporeal validation.
By not giving a canary fling, he flings his canary. He bops his Bopeep. An inversion of a mystery wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by Enigma, all not changing the delightful life force that is Kelly-Lynn after Pilates class.
Megods, me-pantaloons, this buffonic douchetool chews scenery worse than Richard Crenna in First Blood.
Ask not for whom the billy goat pukes. It pukes for thee.
The Starblazer seeks sustenance
The Starblazer orange-u-tans Kelly-Lynne’s tonsils
And, going solo, the Starblazer wears zebra pants and poses like a crispy mirrored twigwaffle.
Yup. It’s like an X-Games Windex gargle in the clogged arteries of life.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011The Starry Blight Classes It Up
Our 2010 Douchie Award winner for Douchiest Tatt, The Starry Blight, aka The King of Sears, doesn’t always hang with Hello Kitty Hott and a gaggle of ‘bags by the pool.
Sometimes, The Starry Blight likes to class up the joint. All with a tie on and shizz. Looking like a gangster Soviet-era meth dealer on Ambien.
Hello Kitty Hott is all that is contradictorially Bleethy/Hott in the douchadox.
Thursday, October 28, 2010Reader Mail: The Legend of John Largeman
Et Tu Douche? writes in regarding June’s hovering spectral watcher, the legend in the making that is John Largeman:
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Dear DB1,
Is John Largeman a figment of our collective imagination or a real entity???
While I’ve become disenchanted that D-Baggery has become a runaway cultural train I fight on and find solace that the idea of a John Largeman IS out in the theater of operations, in our corner doing his best to help stem the tsunami toxic tide, mocking as best he can in between munching on cheese burgers at his local watering hole and finding the time to snatch a good flex WR off the waiver wire for his fantasy football team currently 2nd in his division and 4th overall in his league.
I implore you to find away to bestow an award for John Largeman, maybe even name an award after him for his valiant efforts that our collective psyche oh so needs.
I know the Douchies are fast approaching and this year has seen quality mammalian protuberances, yummy Anjou pear and a plethora of poo. I for one am looking forward to the awards, the voting in the yearly and the yearly recap. You’re doing a great job!!!.
– Et Tu Douche?
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The Legend of John Largeman will most certainly receive a 2010 Douchie Award in December. For being our collective protector in abstract spectral form. His gaze is our gaze. His disgust, our disgust.
