Tuesday, August 8, 2017

The Starblazer Uvulates the Life Force from Kelly-Lynn

Going through the ole’ HCwDB archives one day and I stumbled into an assortment of unholy steaming ferret load of a toad pimple from way back in the dark days of Hottie/Douchey defenestration in 2010.

This simmering simpering simian shreds any sense of societal dignity and post-Nietzschean respek by pretending he doesn’t care about the very optic gaze for whom he seeks refractive corporeal validation.

By not giving a canary fling, he flings his canary. He bops his Bopeep. An inversion of a mystery wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by Enigma, all not changing the delightful life force that is Kelly-Lynn after Pilates class.

Megods, me-pantaloons, this buffonic douchetool chews scenery worse than Richard Crenna in First Blood.

Ask not for whom the billy goat pukes. It pukes for thee.

But wait, there’s more!

The Starblazer seeks sustenance

The Starblazer orange-u-tans Kelly-Lynne’s tonsils

And, going solo, the Starblazer wears zebra pants and poses like a crispy mirrored twigwaffle.

Yup. It’s like an X-Games Windex gargle in the clogged arteries of life.

# posted by douchebag1
10:25 pm August, 11 skrag2112 said...

No one wants to comment? Okay, I will.
Starblazer shows off his favorite prostate ticking finger.

12:22 am August, 14 Douchesdownunder said...

Subsequent photos shows Kelly Lynn to be just as trashy as he is.

2:32 pm August, 14 Vin Douchal said...

He is Douche.
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Kelly-Lynn is in a Jessica Simpson tribute band. Luckily, they can’t get booked anywhere

8:55 pm August, 14 Charles Douchewin said...

“No. Not tonight.” She said. “You’re not wearing the duck shoes.”
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https://www.gucci.com/us/en/pr/men/mens-shoes/leather-boot-with-appliqus-p-459086DKG001000?gclid=Cj0KCQjwlMXMBRC1ARIsAKKGuwhbsfQLAzJUb4ejE6mqKPXef6U-a093hYwHQ4877ZEpzd9txWL1mTkaAr2iEALw_wcB

12:58 am August, 15 the reverend chad said...

The Daily Stormer needs our hekp. DDos attact like Zyzz.

3:36 am August, 17 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Here in Oregon the bottle deposit/return increased to 10 cents back in April. Entrepreneurial alcoholics and meth heads began planning back when the increase was first announced in mid-2016. They began hoarding cans and bottles by the hundreds of thousands. Traffic to local bottle return centers dropped noticeably. Detached garages next to manufactured homes across the state filled with black garbage bags, packed full of mostly empty – and gradually molding – old beer cans and soda bottles.
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When April 1st hit, the rush was on. Bicycle trailers, shopping carts, the trunks of mid-90s Chystler Sebrings, and trailers made out of the beds of old pickup trucks towed behind another pickup overflowed with the bounty that had been collected for the past 9 months. As gold miners in the 1850s scrambled to stake their claim across the rural parts of Oregon in their feverish desire to strike it rich, so too did the lower third income bracket in the state clamor to the return machines to stake their claim. Fights bordering on small riots broke out at outlet grocery stores in urban centers across the state. At the very few state-run bottle return centers it was pandemonium.

Oregon is unique in many regards. No sales tax, pumping your own gas is illegal, weed was legalized before California did and our governor is a liberal progressive lesbian but our gun laws are less restrictive than Texas’. Also our liquor stores and bottle return centers are all state-owned (yet you can’t return liquor bottles). So weird.

2017 in Oregon will be an epoch known for two defining events: the eclipse on Monday which will be drawing in an expected 1 million visitors into the state, clogging our highways and roads in a 70 mile path across the entire state; and the great can and bottle return on April 1st.

Starblazer looks like one of the folks who saved up cans of Natty Ice and Arizona ice tea for months on end in order to double his return, hauling his cache behind him in a bike child trailer that hasn’t had a kid in it since before it was donated to Goodwill 5 years ago. On the way back he’ll be riding his bike, steering another bike alongside him. You just know that situation is NOT on the up-and-up.

11:14 am August, 17 Charles Douchewin said...

^ The world seems near normal, whenever Vin Douchal drops links to Oh-So-Fair Weather Women, and Jacques waxes prose on local events.
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Meanwhile, here’s a tune for the national mood, with accordions:
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow-nuHCTA5E

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