Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Happy Halloween!

Boo!!

That Kettlehead costume is spot on. Down to the single arched eyebrow and everything.

The 2009 Douchies

Coming in December.

Friday Thoughts and Links

To whomever first designed the flimsy, clingy, barely-there body dress that shows panties upon leg cross, may Hashem bless you and your firstborn male with many years of fertile crops and healthy goats.

Here’s your Friday Links:

Attention Ladies: Tone up that arm fat by jerking off a metallic cylinder.

The start of a new NBA season means one thing: Time to start mocking the Denver Nugget uberdouche Chris Anderson.

And some dude who plays on the Utah Jazz as well.

Searching for a douchey Halloween costume? Here’s one approach.

Suburban wigga gangsta poseur asshats? Learn to dance the ‘dub step.’ There is no hope for the future of civilization.

Ironically, this Ed Hardy hoodie was the final straw that actually did kill punks dead.

Southwest Airlines targets the greater Scottsdale, AZ market with its new campaign: ‘Bags fly free!

The future of claymation: Angry Kid

Douchiest Father of the Year.

Okay. You’ve earned it. Mmmm…. balcony pear.

Go forth, hunters and huntresses, and procreate. And if you can’t procreate, fornicate. And if you can’t fornicate, masturbate. And if you can’t masturbate, imitate Bob Goldthwait.

Reader Mail: In Defense of Yankee Cap

—-
Greetings DB1,

– Mattingly’s ‘Stache
—-

Fair enough M’S, provided you don’t stray into adouchetribution upon adorning your Yankee cap. However, there is no denying that the masses of hip-hop suburban wigga wearing ass-scrotes tend to choose the 10 Degree Hat Tilt Yankee Cap as their adouchrement of choice.

And as a ‘bag hunter dedicated to the slaying of all things douchescrote, you cannot let personal team allegiences prevent you from mocking what must be mocked.

He’s Got Mad Skullz!

Yeah, whaddaya want. Clever skull puns?

Alls I can think about is aqua blue sparkle dress shimmying in the moonlight whilst I feed her grapes and grope her buns like a homeless baker kneading street dough.

He's Got Mad Skullz!

Yeah, whaddaya want. Clever skull puns?

Alls I can think about is aqua blue sparkle dress shimmying in the moonlight whilst I feed her grapes and grope her buns like a homeless baker kneading street dough.

Friday Haiku (reset)

Money on shirt, yo!
Too bad none in bank, Suzy.
But boobs are like dough.

Filipino ‘bag?
America good to me.
Proud chest muffins rule!

— Bag A

And yet once again
Tina is overdressed
For Thanksgiving

— jonezy

Juan shows credit score.
Bank won’t recover losses.
Taxpayers foot bill.

-Amerigo Vesdouchey

Douchebag points to stars
But I keep staring at moons
Meanwhile, heaven weeps

— Franklyn Dealorno Doucheifelt

Straight from Viet Nam
To the streets of Bakersfield
American Dream

— scrotum pole

Christmas party for
Enrique’s Lawn Mowing Co.
Has stripper this year

— Vin Douchal

Lower left toddler.
Inez sets fine example.
Aspiring stripper.

— AV

Her ribcage milkbursts
Compete for attention with
Her deprived toddler

— DarkSock

baby looks for elmo,
douche’s forehead shines like the sun
bolt-on boobs distract me

— Anonymous

Carlos’s Redundant Point

I speak not of the pointilism of Georges-Pierre Seurat.

Nor, the point at the end of the chin of Mrs. Witherspoon.

Not even do I speak of the Clovis point found in the Paleoindian period of 11,500 B.C.

I speak only of Carlos’s redundant point.

Because without your redundant point, Carlos, I might’ve stared at the wrong rack.

Carlos's Redundant Point

I speak not of the pointilism of Georges-Pierre Seurat.

Nor, the point at the end of the chin of Mrs. Witherspoon.

Not even do I speak of the Clovis point found in the Paleoindian period of 11,500 B.C.

I speak only of Carlos’s redundant point.

Because without your redundant point, Carlos, I might’ve stared at the wrong rack.

Spanky

I get that The CW likes to revive old shows for the teen market like Melrose Place, but this image from Our Gang: The Teen Years is just straight up douchey.