Pudwack
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Friday, August 14, 2015
Humpster Dumpster
Humpster Dumpster sat on a wall,
Humptster Dumpster had a great fall,
All Stephanie’s besties,
And all Stephanie’s friends,
Agreed that Humpster Dumpster’s ginormous douchelips should be smacked with a rusty kaiser blade by Anthony Michael Hall.
Vegan Karl Buys Melinda a Mai Tai
Vegan Karl’s vitamin deficient stare and pallid skin tone is haunting me like a zombified iPad commercial.
You know, where Robin Williams describes poetry over images of Japanese people iPading sumo wrestlers and Indian people iPading a traditional wedding while Philip Glass-esque music recalls Koyaanisqatsi like some great big unaware and thus ironic exclamation point on the residue of global violence and cultural destruction in the wake of neocolonial Western media ubiquity.
Just another example of the vision of Steve Jobs. How to shit on the authentic by selling technology with overpriced design made by nine year olds in third world countries to alienated first worlders desperate to reclaim the very authentic experience that they’re lost yet appears in the commercials selling that loss back to them.
At a hefty profit, of course.
Steve Jobs can rot and Apple can bite me.
Now, coffee time.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013Mr. Short
Gold chains and Elvis glasses do not elevate, do they, Mr. Short.
Monday, June 10, 2013Rainbolio Drops a Deuce at Coachella
Sweet Pam, who meticulously fulfills the casting role of Hot Younger Sister of Your Best Friend in College, knows that slumming it for a weekend at Coachella won’t get back to her quasi-BF, Bob.
That’s what she thinks.
Turns out, Pam’s bestie, Monica, actually began dating Rainbolio’s bro, Tommy, behind the glowstick selling dude on the dirt road over by second stage.
So Bob’s totally gonna find out by Wednesday.
Sorry, Sweet Pam. This Deuce don’t fly.
Thursday, May 2, 2013Dirk Makes the Pukeface
Remember kids, Puke Face is inversely proportional to likelihood of post-party cubble bobble.
And if you don’t know what cubble bobble is, then you ain’t been to Albuquerque.
HINT: It involves Holy Yellow Triangle.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013And Then There's This Guy…
And lo, the Baby Tebus soiled his diapey.
For the Virginia Slims are tasty choice specimens of warm Southern hospitality.
And by warm Southern hospitality, I mean mostly one and two syllable words followed by Jaeger shots and cries of “Wooo y’all!!” Which, on the whole, is a fair deal by me.
Thursday, January 31, 2013Hammocks For Sale!
Two for a dollar!
Just remember, Ashley. When they claim it’s a dollar, it might just be two dimes and a quarter.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012Morty Largeman Wishes He Didn't Bring Manuel to the Party
Now Manuel is all over his longtime secret crush from accounting, Claire.
Morty can only sigh. And consider shaving his beard.
Claire has the elfin looks and alabaster skin of the lost Henry James novel, “Fondling of the Upper Class.”
Thursday, July 12, 2012The Inartful Dodger
Later, he’s going to show Estella his Fagin.
Yeah, that’s right, I’m making Dickens references. Whaddaya want? I went to Trader Joes yesterday and the Real Housewives of Los Angeles kept knocking me out of the aisles with giant baby strollers and residual pilates sweat. Almost stopped me from buying my Joe-Joes. And nobody puts Joe-Joes in the corner.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012Marty Seyz…
“I like to look at champagne more than boobs!”
Marty is very literal in expressing his effusiveness.
