Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Vegan Karl Buys Melinda a Mai Tai

unnamed (13)

Vegan Karl’s vitamin deficient stare and pallid skin tone is haunting me like a zombified iPad commercial.

You know, where Robin Williams describes poetry over images of Japanese people iPading sumo wrestlers and Indian people iPading a traditional wedding while Philip Glass-esque music recalls Koyaanisqatsi like some great big unaware and thus ironic exclamation point on the residue of global violence and cultural destruction in the wake of neocolonial Western media ubiquity.

Just another example of the vision of Steve Jobs. How to shit on the authentic by selling technology with overpriced design made by nine year olds in third world countries to alienated first worlders desperate to reclaim the very authentic experience that they’re lost yet appears in the commercials selling that loss back to them.

At a hefty profit, of course.

Steve Jobs can rot and Apple can bite me.

Now, coffee time.

# posted by douchebag1
7:28 am January, 21 The Dude said...

I’m not getting the connection between Pallid Karl and Steve Jobs. He looks more like a giant human-sized Bill Gates dump.
.
This Heidi Klum Unit can tie together any room. I’d start her on a diet of protein cock shakes.

7:55 am January, 21 Charles Douchewin said...

Largemen to the left of Him, hotts to the right, there he is stuck in the middle with – Melinda.
.
Of the Mellifluous Melindas.
.
I heave a hearty notta and goinpeace to winning-at-life Vegan Karl. Because Karl’s is a Dickensian tale of baggery and redemption.
A tale probably told by and idiot, full of sound, fury, and earlier-life bad-choice tats. But nonetheless, they’re tats reclaimed with his casual air, and hippy hair.
.
30something Melinda knows this. 30something Melinda know’s she’s less WOO!, than 20something Melinda. Melinda knows change when she sees it. And by it, I mean Karl. And by Karl, I mean relationship growth that may not be the doctor, or Congressional aspirant her Waspy parents want, but what SHE wants. Damn it!
.
And so Karma’s been kind to Karl by putting him in the right place, at the right time.

8:01 am January, 21 douchebag1 said...

@The Dude, there is no connection. I just need a coffee.

8:12 am January, 21 san lous kid said...

If you were wearing a hemp bracelet and shoved your arm elbow deep into a endangered white rhinos birth canal to assist birthing, the stuff that would soak into and dry on the hemp bracelet is vegan Karl.
What did Melindas father do that she hates him so much?

8:20 am January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Hipsterman has one nemesis. …Bath.
.
Son

8:45 am January, 21 Anthony LaBaglia said...

smells like bigfoot’s dick, to coin a phrase

9:01 am January, 21 Vin Douchal said...

Sounds like sour grapes from someone that missed the boat on Apple stock when it was languishing around $7/share in 2003.
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If we’re reading that watermark correctly it says “Canibal Royal” but you have to think the natives would pass on this pasty battle with indigestion and eat a wild boar instead

9:05 am January, 21 DarkSock said...

Vegan Karl called in response; he said:
a

9:16 am January, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Vegan Karl looks like a meaningful life (and gainful employment) pass him by a long time ago. But he’s probably happy working part time as a barista and his band has a couple good gigs coming up, so he’s got that going for him. And Melinda.

9:27 am January, 21 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Only the best bars and taverns have a small boat wheel displayed prominently.

9:36 am January, 21 Douchble Helix said...

They’re on a cruise. Must be doing something right. Goinpeace.

10:01 am January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Vegan Karl has a collection of Robert Zimmerman’s foreskins.

10:19 am January, 21 FredN. said...

Melinda is very hot.
I think this point has not been appropriately noted.

10:21 am January, 21 FredN. said...

That bar looks better without him in it:
http://musicis4lovers.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/canibal-royal-foto1.jpg

10:29 am January, 21 Charles Douchewin said...

Vegan Karl has a collection of Imelda Marcos’s shoes (just the boots). Melinda knows this.

11:05 am January, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Vegan Karl doesn’t know that he’s not a roadie for the Allman Brothers anymore.

11:06 am January, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Vegan Karl thinks he’s a vegan because he likes tomatoes.

11:10 am January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Vegan Karl bought Apple stock in 2003.

11:12 am January, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Vegan Karl has an extensive collection of hair products at home. That he never uses.

11:14 am January, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Vegan Karl’s other job is working as a genius at his local Apple store.

11:19 am January, 21 Choad the Douche Sprocket said...

Like DB1, I too am disturbed by the ubiquity of media inundation pseudo-experiences over real ones as a means to selling overpriced gadgets that slowly sap our humanity.
.
.
.
That, and Melinda needs a spanking.
.
.
.
.by me.

11:33 am January, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I am an Apple user by coincidence. All four devices. I think they’re fine since I didn’t pay for the fucking shit but I feel funny in my pants when I whip out my iPad. Speaking of Apples, don’t dare look at this, Son.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xljA6zJn4I
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Burp

1:55 pm January, 21 bigphatnotadouche said...

Could be video of the year. Thanks Rev.



dying pornstars

5:40 pm January, 21 Guid is Good said...

Vegan Karl needs to lay off the colonic irrigation and get his shit together.

12:38 am January, 22 Douchble Helix said...

My bad, not a cruise, but Playa Del Carmen, MX.
.
Still, must be doing something right.

12:44 am January, 22 Douchble Helix said...

Say, fellas…
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=0jvnglc7SNQ#t=35

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