Tuesday, October 23, 2012

THE BALLAD OF THUNDERSMIRK MCGEE

Duckface Molly Sims tries to fit in, but her hair betrays her. She pines for a simpler time when featherbacks reigned supreme, and she longs to have a relevant conversation about the dubious merits of replacing Kate Jackson with Shelley Hack.

ThunderSmirk McGee spikes his hair high in an attempt to draw attention away from his freakishly large nostrils. It is not working. There is also no reason to wear suspenders when you’ve already got a white belt with a DG buckle the size of a personal pan pizza.

We don’t need to see it to know it’s there.

Like the very air we breathe.

Or this.

# posted by Steve L.
7:34 am October, 23 DouchYouWannaDance said...

Eyeglass frames with no lenses has become auto-Douch/Bleeth.

7:48 am October, 23 Capt. James T. Douche said...

BVG is right, look at those blowholes you could store 2,16 lb bowling balls and a toddler riding a tricycle in there! I’m no fashion expert but anyone under the age of about 60 or not morbidly obese and is not wearing some sort of formal attire should avoid suspenders at all costs! This lensless eyeglass shit has gotta go the way of the dodo! The only thing it conveys as a fashion statement is “look at me I’m a twat!”

7:52 am October, 23 Los Douches said...

Molly’s a man, baby!

7:58 am October, 23 Los Douches said...

Knew it would come to me: Molly is Owen Wilson with a wig. Gross.

8:20 am October, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Ann Coulter bleeth macking on that My Name is Earl guy. OK, I got nothin’.

8:27 am October, 23 DoucheyWallnuts said...

A couple for 2012 and beyond. He sells copiers at Staples and she works the make-up counter at Macy’s at the mall out on the Interstate across from the CinemaCineplex by the Olive Garden. They’ve been married for for 8 months, are $12k in debt already thanks to the purchase of the dinette set and sectional couch from Raymore and Flannigan, other various and sundry purchases, and the 65-inch flatscreen. Their bedroom set comes from Rent-a-Center and they drive his 2008 BMW 325i that he is still making payments on.

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Never letting lifestyle get in the way of salary, they have a trip planned out to Vegas in December and are going to Cabo for Spring Break, and will only double their debt by next spring if they are both lucky enough to hang on to their dead end jobs by then.

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They aren’t interested in the upcoming election because “all politicians are the same, and it doesn’t matter who wins,” think inflation is something they do to their air mattress when their friends crash for the weekend and foreign policy has something to do with insurance. But they don’t miss Honey Boo-Boo and can quote dialog from reruns of the Jersey Shore. These types will be at the front of the line complaining about the rich and the government when they are in bankruptcy proceedings and moving back in with their parents.

8:32 am October, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I’d like to declare this a Honey Boo-Boo-less zone, Walnuts. No amount of mock can offset the gag reflex and the stream of hot bile squirting up the back of my throat whenever I think of that show. I’m having to swallow hard to keep from puking just to make this post.

8:35 am October, 23 Mitt Douchey said...

Although I don’t know her personally, I’m pretty sure she’s all woman. The problem is she’s a 1980s-style statuesque model type, which just isn’t considered hot these days.

8:46 am October, 23 Vin Douchal said...

Her lips are pursed and ready for a Peter North squall protein tornado. Prior to that she said ,”Okay , I’ll take a photo with the fluffer,… jeez I always thought Peter North was straight….”

9:14 am October, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

I didn’t have much of an opinion on Kate Jackson. I only ever had eyes from Jaclyn/Kelly. For me, it was Kelly and two other chicks who I could care less about. I cried big salty tears in that episode where she got shot.

9:16 am October, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

That’s right. I’m blogging now. You can read more at my new site: Licky Pinkass

9:24 am October, 23 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sign up for my newsletter, and get free access to my affiliates: Sucky Monkass and Fucky Skunkass… we here at Adjective Compound Ass-Word suggest you only use the links provided and not google these terms. K?THNX

9:53 am October, 23 DarkSock said...

Sally Jesse Rafe-n-Fail

9:58 am October, 23 Tits McGee said...

This wank besmirches the good name of my people.

10:57 am October, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^What DW said Except for his attack on Honey Boo-Boo. That show is totally righteous if your wasted and your kids are a little slow.

12:23 pm October, 23 Baron Von Goolo said...

Hold on…hold on…the punchline isn’t working…fuccen wordpress…

1:08 pm October, 23 DarkSock said...

^That’s what she said

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It ain’t no picnic keeping this rusty old whore of a garbage scow afloat. I reckon if each reg spent a week in DB1’s shoes, like meself and now The Baron has done, then….ah hell we’d still all bitch about stuff.

2:49 pm October, 23 Baron Von Goolo said...

It’s all better now.

5:10 pm October, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Who gives a shit how difficult it is?

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No one wants to hear about the labor pains, they just want to see the baby.

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Oh, and phoning it in, Baron? Isn’t that the HCwDB way?

10:41 pm October, 23 Stephanie said...

Just let me have a frying pan and we have a great old fashioned cartoon thud and a ringing pan sound. That’s what these two need.

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