Monday, August 1, 2011

Hickbags Play Beer Pong, Celebrate the HCwDB of the Week


Poor Farmgirl Betty.

She daydreams by the tractor of being plucked like a dusky jewel from the closed-ended fate of her happenstance and deposited in better surroundings, with potential and future and apple cosmos like she saw on Sex and the City.

But reality intercedes. Jethro pounding shots. Summer pig carnivals. And eighteen kids milking the cows are all that awaits on the other side of that silo in the tractor race of time marching ever onward, inexplicably towards her fate.

Man, that’s depressing. Lets move on.

# posted by douchebag1
9:39 am August, 1 Hurl Scheibe said...

Soon, gravity will take its toll. And she will be the one getting milked with young 4Hers and FFAers pulling at her teats at county and state fairs.

Farmers.

9:54 am August, 1 Choad The Douche Sprocket said...

Doesn’t Nebraska look like fun!
.
.I think so.
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Let’s all move there…and picnic for the rest of our lives beside a gravel road and grain silos!
.
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Whoopee!
..
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‘Huskers

9:57 am August, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Very ominous looking sausage fest. I hope for Betty’s sake she’s wearing her track shoes, or if not, one of those red cups is filled with lube. She doesn’t look fast, but she only has to be faster than the nearest cow.

10:00 am August, 1 Claude Douchenbagger said...

I am from such an area, however in my area the douches would be sporting cowboy hats.

10:00 am August, 1 Banana Hammock said...

Nebraska …
Where the Men are Douche
and the sheep are their Hot Chicks

10:02 am August, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Looks like Ubiquitous Red Cup is still going strong in the heartland, way to go URC!!!

10:06 am August, 1 Medusa Oblongata said...

I was compelled to go to the link that the fella is advertising in the center, there. This is what comes up. The logo itself is the epitome of douche, all it needs is some orange. They could go back into MS Paint and get that done, I imagine.
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Either way, I’m thinking this looks like Thomasboro, IL.

10:08 am August, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

According to to the website, this location is likely to be Rochester, NY. I’m lowering that metropolis from #685 to #1491 of places to visit. Somewhere between Mogadishu and Murmansk.

10:10 am August, 1 Ultra Bagnus said...

Fatbag with the Heat jersey looks like he’s enjoying his close proximity with orangebag a little too much. The gay shenanigans that undoubtedly followed were most likely all his idea.

10:19 am August, 1 Dude McCrudeshoes said...

Sjord (right of center), the Norse god of spastic colons, is wondering how close the nearest porta-potty is.

10:21 am August, 1 Anonymous Tipster said...

IHadAGoodNight.com eh? That douche musta got his toes sucked by Quentin Tarantino, then. Imma go peep that website, lol.

10:43 am August, 1 Et Tu Douche? said...

Rochester NY sucks donkey balls, what a horribly depressing city.

10:58 am August, 1 Devil's Advocate said...

I’m from a place like this. In high school I never got invited to parties, and I thought I was really missing out on the local scene. When I finally started breaking out of my shell and being sociable, I found out this is about as wild as things ever got. That and at least four of these people will show up on the local mugshot website for DUIs, petty larceny, and maybe if they’re super motivated 2nd degree burglary. Possibly uttering a forged instrument, which sounds like something they pay hookers good money to do in Germany. The girl will be one of them.

11:07 am August, 1 Wedgie said...

Wow. SoCal seems a little less ass-holey now that I’ve seen this.

11:17 am August, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Poor Betty’s been passed around more times than a loaded glass pipe at a Phish concert.
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Betty spends more time spread eagle than a gynaecological training dummy.
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She probably squats on the toilet more times to purge a sticky deposit than she does to push a poop out, and she eats at Taco Bell at least twice a day.
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She’s been unloaded on by so much dick you’d need a grain thresher to remove the cum from her hair.

11:20 am August, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Man, you better of had a good night if you wound up happy to be there the next morning. Alive. With those human colostomy bags.

11:22 am August, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

She’s swallowed so much jism she shits in spurts now.

11:23 am August, 1 Jacques Doucheteau said...

A janitor once mistook her chest for the floor of an adult arcade and tried to kick her tits under the next stall over.

11:24 am August, 1 schlicht bindenburger said...

all i have to say is…..when will it all end, the horror1

11:26 am August, 1 schlicht bindenburger said...

i mean THE HORROR!

11:41 am August, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

Horatio Sanz has fallen off the face of the earth. Fallon won’t even return his calls.

11:46 am August, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Sweet old Rochester NY. Just a hop over the river and 1.5 hours to Six Flags Darien Lake. That is where the dude with no legs missiled out of the top at 235 ft. and fell to the last Taps he will never hear. I’m not allowed in Rochester or any other of your fair cities currently.
The last fucking place I would ever go is Rochester. Once a quaint middle sized city full of Eastman-Kodak workers, they were pile driven by the new technology they were the beginning of and in a matter of a few years as bleak as the part of Detroit that used to make the Packard. Shit Hole, USA. And twin city to the hometown I returned to Shit Hole, CAN. The great thing about Rochester is its crime about 5-6 times higher per capita, it’s high proportion of openly gay people 60% higher than average, and the commendable open door policy regarding race. Rochester is approxomately 50% White, 40% Black and 10% Hispanic.Good times. A rainbow city of equality, poverty and crime with a bunch of faggots thrown in, not that there is anything wrong with that.
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The only thing that could be worse than living in up, up, upstate NY is living rural like these douche apples. The chick is ready for it cause they are pretty loose across the river. But if there is not a fucking pool around there is no need for the majority of dudes in a picture to be shirtless. Am I right Dude. And we should thank the human roller coastal missile for his service in the jungle of sand.
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Rangers

11:53 am August, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Do you Amerkins have the day off today? I don’t know the reason for the long weekend but I’m fucking drunk and stoned and I have to take care of my soon to be divorce retarded brother’s kids for a week so I will likely be drunk till HAiku.

12:00 pm August, 1 DarkSock said...

This is where Plinky’s Mom goes to have sex. I don’t want to even mention what she uses the two adjacent grain silos for.

12:05 pm August, 1 IT MUST EAT GRAIN said...

IT MUST EAT GRAIN.

12:27 pm August, 1 tall guy said...

Wherever it is it’s not the end of the Earth, but you can see it from there.
(the end of the Earth that is).
Rude’n’rural.

12:52 pm August, 1 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Our State Fair Is a Great State Fair

1:00 pm August, 1 Hermit said...

I’ve been sending dispatches from RedState Amërïcä to warn ye of the depravity and hog wollerin’ that occurs here on the reg. It’s where backward half-wits are herded into trucks and whisked away in the dead of night to concentration camps then transformed into neat little styrofoam and shrink-wrapped packages for the direct consumption by a gullible, voracious public.
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I’ve lain awake many a moonless night in my lonely hovel of solitude, drenched in a nervous sweat, and nursing weasel bites, listening to the distressed moaning of the unfortunates, as they’re poked, stabbed and prodded electronically into stinking death carriages. To be later ground up with feral dogs and road kill, and made into nutritious, flavorful meals, certified by the FDA and Michelle Obama’s obesity-training regiment.
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Even the URC’s are lined up at the edge of the table, preparing to leap to their deaths in shame.
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After the sun goes down and enough shitty, domestic swill has been consumed, Betty will be forcefully dragged behind the silos and brutally gang-raped by the band of sweaty cretins who will stifle laughter as she lay helpless and violated in the tall horse weeds with bruised ribs and a battered vagina.

1:14 pm August, 1 Anonymous Tipster said...

@Hermit, I’m sure its not that bad. Except for maybe the weasel problem you speak of.

1:37 pm August, 1 DarkSock said...

I saw Stinking Death Carriages in New Orleans; they opened for GoatWhore.

1:49 pm August, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This photo was taken at Rochester’s Mini-3-Mile Island attraction that draws loser dochebags in like flies to shat.
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Idea for t-shirt; Anyone Who Makes Fun of New Jersey Has Never Been to Rochester, NY”

1:50 pm August, 1 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Trekkies call this group a bunch of losers.

5:45 pm August, 1 DarkSock said...

The Casey Anthony prosecution team calls this group a bunch of losers.
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Toddler Murderers.

6:55 pm August, 1 Guid is Good said...

Never live in a town with silos.

7:29 pm August, 1 Stephanie said...

I think these guys like to sit on silos.

9:27 pm August, 1 Bethany said...

I think you’re right about that Stephanie. I think they might be gay too.

10:40 am August, 2 DarkSock said...

The Silos were a pretty decent band.

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