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Saturday, January 22, 2005
Friday Haiku
Grampa is so sad;
He needs Viagra for sex.
She needs PolyGrip…
Please Explain This Spectacle…
Ladies, Gentlement and Canadian: Boss had emerged drunkenly from the Llama Pen to show me how to fix das bugs.
So…we have this photo.
Words – I have none.
Please explain. As ever, in the “comments” link.
Seriously, WTF is ongoing here…?
Thursday, January 20, 2005Monday Belated Friday Thoughts and Links
DarkSock here with a PSA…Some of the HCwDB alert readers may recently have noticed a slight upheaval as HCwDB switched servers (for example, my inability to figure out how to revert to my trademark blue text…) so the attached photo is my way of thanking you for sticking with The Fight through thick and thin. (I’m not sure, but this front page photo may actually be a rare prom photo of Plinky’s Mom.) We are a talented and diverse lot with many facets, much like NBC anchorman and noted rap artist Brian Williams. And we remain dedicated to using this vast array of talents for fighting douche/bleethe scourge wherever it rears its ugly heads.
So as a thank you for hanging in there I present you a Pearapalooza theme which is an oldy but a woodie: The genius of Queen and Freddie Mercury’s 1978 nude bicycle race. Without so much nudity, but still…here ya go:
Pink Uplift MoFo Party Plan Pear
Is That A Banana Or Am I Happy To See You
Nice Rack On The Back Bicycle Pear
There…are we now over the site glitch? Thought so.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005Friday thoughts & Links
Here you see unsung hero Yusef Mustafa. Yusef was, of course, designated to fly the 5th plane on Sept. 11 into the Statue of Liberty. So, like the other douchebag terrorists that night he went out clubbin’ with ho’s. Unlike them he decided to err on the side of boobies and pear; unlike his comrades he didn’t wake up in Hell. He walked away from that Jihad and is now a telemarketer for The Ketone Diet Plan™ by day, douchebag club-goer by night.
Hey, I never said this story had a happy ending. So now Yusef is our problem instead of the NSA’s. Let us continue The Mockk. Let us Get Their Goat. < –Totes M'Goats.
Today is the 83th Anniversary of Homer J. Simpson’s Famous Manifesto.
Speaking of Manifestos – Douchebait Manifesto.
It is also the 114th Anniversary of Stephen Hawking’s discovery of String Theory; most folks don’t know he had this epiphany at Fat Larry’s on Lady’s Night.
Bro-Bump for the Decline o’ Western Civilization.
East German girls need love too.
So, um…you need a banana for that split?
Alright you slavering wretches; that’s enough for this episode of “Dumb Whiteys Misbehaving In Club Land”. I’ll slap some gratuitous gratuity below then get back to my vacay, Son. I am OUTA HERE!!! Fetus don’t fail me now!!!
To The Fap-Cave, Robin!!!
Monday, January 17, 2005
Your weekend movies – numa numa nuts
DB1 has over the years cruelly inflicted us with numb-nuts frolicking in Jersey parking lots. This poses the question – does Euro-Douche electronica induce the douche virus? The answer, of course, is nearly always YES. However, as this large-boned kid illustrates, some wield a fierce and tragic resistance via auto-immune Nerd Virus.
And some are immune because they’re FUCCEN BAT-SHIT DOO-DAH KRAZY. Yeah…watch this one all the way through…I’m fairly certain that what you see at the 3:42 mark is the last sort of thing several now-deceased individuals ever saw on this Earth.
Sunday, January 16, 2005Friday Thoughts and Links: "Blinded by the lies, gelled up like a douche and now he's humpin' on my wife" edition
By now you’ve heard the saga of the “Kissing Congressman”, who is Louisiana state Republican Congressman Vance McAllister. This guy got caught on camera swapping saliva, shirt untucked, with married mother and silly name bearer Melissa Hixon Peacock. Both are married, with spouses and children. Okay, no biggie I guess; we’re all adults here. Shit happens; t’ain’t right but hey…
Then I saw the photo this dill-hole, sporting those be-greased Jersey locks, glistening like a dewy field of unpicked Jheri curls.
And THEN I read about how he thundered on the campaign trail about upholding the “sanctity of marriage”. O yes, uphold that shining torch for us lesser ones, ye shining beacon. Just don’t get it too close to your greasy-ass knot of a head. Look to your left; it’s the happy couple (wreckers). Is adultery douchery? Nah. Is cynical smug hypocrisy douchery? Bro, do you even vote?
Adds cuckolded Mr. Peacock of his former family friend, “While (he) ran as a religious man who cherished family values, he wasn’t actually religious. I know his beliefs. When he ran one of his commercials, he said ‘I need your prayers,’ and I asked, ‘When did you get religious?’ He said, ‘When I needed votes,'” Heath Peacock, 34, told CNN Tuesday. “He broke out the religious card and he’s about the most non-religious person I know.”
Case closed on Douche McCallister.
However, in the spirit of fair and balanced journalism, let us not leave out liberal icon and fervent gun-control advocate California State Democratic Senator Leland Yee. Who, as it turns out, also ran a lucrative gun-running biz after hours. He will soon get the chance to bid on Donkey Douche’s old cell. And cell-mate. Yee’s a virtual mullet – he’s (Democratic) Party in the front, Gun Show in the rear (room).
So we can all agree: New anti-leniency rule: sleazy politicians = Autodouche? Share your thoughts.
Like any serious and thorough scholar of the body politic I offer the supporting documentation for my thesis:
That Bikini’s takin’ Atoll on me Pear
No Thank You I’ve Had Enough Pear
Hot Tub Sexy Time Machine Pear
You gonna bust your ass in those Pear
double camel-toe backpack Pear
Okay…I gotta make it up to youse all for that last one. Cleanse your palettes with Flotation Pear.
Sons.
Saturday, January 15, 2005"What's All This, Then?" Wednesday
DarkSock here, proudly introducing our Newest Offering, “What’s All This, Then?”™ Wednesday (now offered a day early!).
As you can see in this archival footage from the late 60’s, the seeds of gauche low-brow club-baggery were planted decades ago in the era of Lizard King Jim Morrison, back when GAHHHH WTF IS THAT IN THE CORNER?!? KILL IT WITH A RUGBY BOOT!!!**
**If you have ANY idea what’s going on here, then by all means hold court, as always, in the comments section.
Friday, January 14, 2005And now a word from our sponsor…
Cullman Liquidation – Come see our selection of used mobile homes.
Or don’t.
Thursday, January 13, 2005Friday Thoughts and Links
DarkSock here for an abbreviated Thoughts n’ Links; no time for horsing around today. Just Llama do mah thang.
Okay, enough of that. This is what you came for:
Wednesday, January 12, 2005Haiku – Dennis Rodman / Carmen Electra Version
Rodman spreads virus;
North Korean helmets soon
Tilt 18 degrees.
***
Watch that thumb, Dennis.
1 degree separation
From Ms. Yasmine Bleethe.
