Saturday, January 15, 2005
"What's All This, Then?" Wednesday
DarkSock here, proudly introducing our Newest Offering, “What’s All This, Then?”™ Wednesday (now offered a day early!).
As you can see in this archival footage from the late 60’s, the seeds of gauche low-brow club-baggery were planted decades ago in the era of Lizard King Jim Morrison, back when GAHHHH WTF IS THAT IN THE CORNER?!? KILL IT WITH A RUGBY BOOT!!!**
**If you have ANY idea what’s going on here, then by all means hold court, as always, in the comments section.
This must be a scene from a Disney cartoon, because that guy has only three fingers.
And now we turn to Bayonne, NJ., where…
And since time don’t matter here anymore, it don’t matter that I’m behind the times with the Cullman commercial.
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Because Hot Damn – I’m buying’ WHATEVER she’s sellin’.
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Lip Herp.
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Get some!
As Carrie began to go into another telekinetic rage, Pete consumed fat Sissy’s face.
That thing in the corner is Lee Snyder, the older, retarded brother of Dee Snyder.
Pete’s trying to pull another rabbit out of her Monkey Hole.
Ha! It’s the ole “Tickle The Grundle Whilst Swallowing Fat Drunk Broad’s Tonsils Trick”. In the “Free Love 70’s” this move was a go-to for pre-disco clubbers all across the greater Bay State Area
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Just look how jealous that wildebeest has become from not being the center of attraction
Isn’t this how Joe Simpson introduced his daughters to how all Hollywood auditions would go? That’s Ashley (I think that’s her name) on the left.
So,.. there’s this chick, Jessica Reyes, on a small Orange County morning show. I’m crushing. Hard
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Red
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More Red
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Bikini Shot
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Watch this weather report with the sound off
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Chee chees
looks more like a regularly featured Smelma Fenga pic
Nurse Martha swaddled the newborn fish in her sweater and calmly slapped home its first gulps of oxygen. Meanwhile, Marlene’s uterine contractions cause her cervix to open up and dilate. Her contractions become less regular and even less productive. Doctor Thaddeus continued to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation in order to restore the faculties lost when she passed out upon seeing her baby fish.
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Despite her lost conscious, and verily, her conscience, Marlene continued her involuntary pushing. This lasted for hours and the dilation continued. Doctor Thaddeus never gave up… going so far as to use his tongue to defibrillate her heart from the inside.
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At long last, Doctor Thaddeus’ left hand grew warm and moist. The moment they all awaited was finally here… the delivery of the placenta.
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Gorgon Succubus Lamai’s eyes glowered in anticipation of the harvest to come.
“Paranormal Activities 14: New Jersey Nightclubs”
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But in all seriousness, what the fucc is the girl in the middle doing? She can’t be that engrossed in her copy of Jane Eyre whilst seated next to whatever is going on to either side of her. Creature to her right has to be Lady GahGah without makeup and the steer wrestling to her left would make most veterinarians blush.
@Dr. Bunsen
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I have been studying the mechanisms of free radicals in the restoration of my liver. Glutathione ultimately adds electrons and/or causes a quantum leap or some shit to atoms that then bond to free radicals and shit so my mitochondria can restore themselves to a homeostatic condition. I have been following a course strict caveman eating, and of subatomic vitamin targeting intravenous therapy, having already stopped and reversed my aging process. Mrs. Kroeger says my cock looks younger and my tongue quicker. And I be driving again soon. Fuck you Ministry of Transportation doctors ya fucking cocksuckers! Son. Peace and Naturopathy be with you my retarded brethers.
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June 14th, 1966 – The first successful implant of a gyroscope inside of a female monkey-hole.
The mid-wife is about to eat the afterbirth as the ghost of previous abortions looks on…
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coat hangers
Seconds later, all that would remain of the room were ribbons of warm flash piled neatly next to the lounge and the flickering, solemn reflection of…
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Lämp
Luna gazes out into the crowded club, looking for all the world like a headlight-caught ‘possum in its last horrifying moment on a dark, Texas highway, her scattered, drug-addled thoughts are of marmalade and flush toilets. Beside her Brittney, she of the perpetually cold forearms, hangs her head in shame while strains of Three Dog Night’s “Mama told me not to come” course through her guilt-ridden conscious.
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Meanwhile, Henry attempts to eject four to six quarts of viscous, heavy menstrual fluid from Bloody Mary’s generous uterus with a practiced hand and a mighty blast of air.
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Coincidently, Mary’s thoughts are likewise, “Mama told me not to come.”
@Hermit
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How’s shakes?
Doing OK Rev. Other than six hours of sleep in seventy-two at one point.
I started dabbling with that shit about a year and ago, this chick gave me some so I could sleep. I only started using about 1 mg a day regularly about six months ago, and when I found out about that evil shit slowed down to about half that for a while. I quit completely about three weeks ago, and other than the insomnia, I think I’m ok.
Chugged enough Nyquil, Sominex (respect) and beer to kill a mule and got some sleep Tue. night.
Bitch never told me about seizures and twitching and shit.
Bitch.
If I get through this I’m sticking to Nyquil and Jim Beam.
Hanging in there Rev. Other than a stretch of six hours sleep in seventy-two.
I finally chugged enough Nyquil, Sominex (respect) and Jim Beam to kill a mule and copped about four hours Tuesday night, and been working most of this week.
Fucked around with the evil benzos for about a year, but only up to only 1mg a night for about six months. Cut down to half that, and haven’t had any for three weeks. Other than the sleep shit, I think I’m going to be ok. Might get worse though.
Some fat chick kept giving me that shit and didn’t tell me about the evil.
Bitch.
Still have some periodontal issues and irregular bowel movements.
On a related note, whenever you get to the point where you start bangin’ old gals, beware of a loose upper dental plate. That son a bitch can let go during drunken tongue action and deflate an already reluctant boner. Really sucks when she starts panting and breathing heavy, and you’re thinking she’s overcome with passion, only to find out later that she’s weak from chemotherapy.
Also, carry some Vaseline or KY.
Least that’s what I’ve heard.
In a bad club gross and dimly lit
This dude macks and diddles a clit
The girls wore their boots
‘Cause menstual juices’ll shoot
From that fat broad’s enormous slit
Girls will be Girls, and Boys be Boys;
They tinker and frottage with each other’s toys.
The one who sits bitter
As Todd rubs that shitter
Is defeated young master Draco Malfoy.
In black and white? Oh, it’s The Fifties
With terms like gosh, swell and nifty
Searching pussy’s the same
This Jake’s got game
With a girl who’s , politely, let’s say hefty
Dark Sock went out one night truckin’
With his game, there was gonna be fuckin’.
Then he saw creepy eyes,
And dolls telling lies.
And winding up fisting turduckin’!
Damn you!..14 year old RevChad and your middle of night piss boners for trashy 80’s Ukrainian chicks. Damn you!
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This is a rare sighting of getting Third Base with the reciprocative Outside the Pants Hand Job that I invented back in 1957. Reciprocative, I says.
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The Night Vision photography makes it look more erotic, especially with the blonde broad diddling herselves,
@ Dark Sock
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You still checkin’ the site’s hopper or do we need to send pics directly to you? I got a shit ton of pics crammin’ up my hard drive. Wait, that didn’t sound right, but you know what I mean.
@Rev & Hermit,
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Do not play around with Benzo’s. I came within a fast acting nurse & the emergency room from meeting Pumpy in the clouds above… or roasting my chestnuts with BCS below.
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I was up to 3MG a day or more, mixed in with heavy doses of absinthe or single malts and the occasional Ambien or NyQuil night cap. I decided one day to quit the pills cold turkey. Never asked a doctor or anyone about it.
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Worse decision I can haz made.
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Three straight days of no sleep, skin crawling, sweating, violent shaking, nausea, and seeing all manner of horrors every time I turned my head. A friend, who is a nurse, found me and rushed me into the ER.
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I ended up in the hospital for two months last year. Switching from Valium and anti-psychotics for a month and then rehab for another.
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Good luck, brother.
@Crucial Head
Glad to hear you got through that shit. The Rev went through a similar hell.
I was completely ignorant when I started taking that shit, but when I heard some other people’s story I figured I better quit. I think I’m alright, only started using every day about six months ago. Can’t sleep worth a fuck, nasty headache and have to drag myself through a day of work, but hope I can get through without rehab and shit.
Three chicks and a feller’
Whose finger work was stellar
Stuck in a pinky
Got a little stinky
While cavorting in Rubber Johnny’s cellar
Fifteen years of clonazepam
Made my brain go bam-a-lam.
Went cold turkey on doctors orders
Brain felt like it was full of hoarders.
O Black Betty?
Stupid doctor. I’m on a maintenance allowance of .25 mg clonazepam a day. Don’t always take it. But if I didn’t have it around I might kill a dog walker. The 15 year 6mg dose to prevent headaches, cause the doctors were afraid to give me painkillers cause they’re addictive, was quite a kick when I was taken off. At the end of a month I couldn’t sort papers in order cause of the terrors and shakes. Had to taper off with a Psychiatrist. Then he fucked me up with anti-depressants I didn’t need either.
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O’ Naturopaths Where Art Thou.
Either I’m having a bad reaction from the Thai Stick and Window Pane I got from questionable sources, combined with the Willet Borboun, or this is fucked up.
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http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2014/04/10/in-medical-first-scientists-implant-lab-grown-vaginas-in-human-patients
I’m a callous jerkoff who doesn’t care much for my fellow human, but this makes me feel really fuckin bad for these dames.
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Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser (MRKH) syndrome, which is what can be called in the vernacular, “Dwarf Cunt,” where chicks lack or have an underdeveloped vagina and uterus.
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I would have a telethon for these broads so we could raise money for them to get these proper twats. Proper Twats, I says.
Mrs. Kroeger has a short vagina. It is told that the starvation during the war caused the vaginas of the second next generation to relapse. Short Ashkenazi twats. I got a wife with a short Jewfunnel for fucks sakes. Jewfunnel I says. Weekend is leading to Passach. My Jews(respect) are getting rid of all the chametz and shining up the seder plates
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The guest of honour is my dead cousin. I loved fucking her. Man I loved that cool young tattooed and pierced piece of poontwat. O Isaiah, can you bring her back to me! She wasn’t a Jew. Good weed-smoking temptress and seducer of men. Sex bon vivante noodle-loving preistess. What? I’m stoned Son. Her dad was a half-Jew. She looked like this back in the day. And by the day I mean young.
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Addicts
She used to dress like this.
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I took a Viagra tonight. Boy, is my neck sore. Son.
I thought most every Jew dame had short twat, which accounts for why Jew guys have small Cocks. The Chinamen also are a little short in the cock department, too.