Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Leave it to Cleavite

And on the third day, God created the Holy Cleavite. And God saw the Holy Cleavite. And it was Good.

— Doucheronomy 13:11.

It takes a bigger man than I not to want to set this tonguebag’s face on fire with lighter fluid for allowing his scrotey presence to be so close to such perfect cleavite. The fact he’s achieved a dual hottie inverted ‘bag combo makes the whole thing ache worse than a raisin up the nose.

Oh, like you’ve never put a raisin up your nose.

Hoveringus Douchus

Whenever a triumverate of hotness spontaneously forms there’s a bizarre natural apparition that appears around them. Science is baffled by this effect, it defies all rational explanation. Unofficially known to scholars of The Douche Sciences as Hoveringus Douchus, this variant of the Northern Douchey Lights has defied rational explanation and amazed mankind for decades.

The artifact consists of layers of hovering douche that manifest out of thin air behind the hotness. They only appear in the presence of spontaneous combo hottie groupings like the one seen here. The Ghost-Scrotes appear in a transluscent douche state, hover briefly, and then disappear just as quickly.

Amazingly we’ve obtained a pic of this rare phenomenon here at HCwD. Can you spot the Hoveringus Douchus in this pic?

Barbie and The Prince of Doucheness

Happy Labor Day, fellow ‘bag hunters! Enjoy this hottie-douchey little cherry with your day’s festivities, and remember to toast your red cups to this blonde Long Island iced tea and the rank ‘bag who loves her.

We’ve featured these two on the site before, in fact they’re rapidly ascending into a special section of the HCwD Hall of Scrote. So lets toast a cup of the ‘Train to Barbie and her Prince of Doucheness on this uniquely American holiday. If there’s anything that sums up the land of opportunity, it’s the fact that this utter douchebag can find himself in the presence of something this glitteringly hot.

From sea to douchey sea.

I, Douchebag

Here’s a classic college FratBag/TongueBag hybrid polluting two sexy little pellegrinos with his taint. You can just sense his douche presence oozing across campus like that less famous 50s horror film “The Scrote Blob.” Eventually the other students’ll have to lock him in the rec room and pour sugar free red bulls on him until his Tag bodyspray powers fade for good.

Figured it would be a nice ‘bag chaser to the Sunday hangover you’re battling. Or is that just me?

Dammit. Stupid douchebaggy vodka.

Wish I had my camera last night. It was like a HCwD plantation out on the streets of Los Angeles and I was Sharecropper Vic. I wanted to write up the Emancipation Douchemation and free the hotties forever…

Reader Pic

This cute little tamale on the left is a longtime fan of the site and sent in this pic of herself and her latest beau.

Yet even as a long-time reader of HCwD, clearly she’s learned nothing. Here she is being attacked by a scrotey tonguebag complete with a bizarre “Shocker” that may only work on mutants. His popped collar and fungus stubble clinch the deal.

Speaking of, I’m inventing a new word based on fungus stubble as sported by this sleazy ‘bag. “Fungle.” Kinds of sums up the scrote, does it not?

Classic HCwD: Polo Boy

Well it’s the Friday heading into Labor Day, which means one thing for the DB1. I’m off to study Proust at the library, hit up the homeless shelter to run the soup line, then hit the gym and do a thousand crunches to perfect my six-pack abs.

Heh. You almost believed that.

It’s hard to beat that last pic for its utter scrote, but here’s a classic from the site that ran a few months ago. I just love Polo Boy and his hottie if for no other reason then that yellow polo with pink sweater, combined with the hottest woman in creation, makes my head explode from the unholy wrongness.

May you all toast your red cups of the ‘Train tonight in Polo Boy’s honor…

Labor Day 'Bag

Holy crap.

The pink 10 degree hat tilt with sunglasses combo may score a perfect “10” from the judges in this year’s Douchebag Olympics. Megods what scrote is on display in this pic.

Biker slut scores extra points on the hottie scale for busting the mid 1980s “Lea Thompson in Howard-the-Duck” hair crimp look. She may be a terminal Bleeth infected hottie, but she still makes me want to warm up a burrito in the microwave.

This pic ought to remind us as we enter the holiday weekend just how much utterly rank douche is out there infecting hotties as we speak. So ask yourself as you pop open your can of Miller Lite this weekend and pour it into a red cup, are there any hotties at the party you can save from the Army of Scrote? If so, save ’em. Save ’em for the DB1.

DB1's 'Baggy Lunch

So I’m out and about at lunch yesterday when I walk by this absolutely perfect little hottie and this enormous afroed white-boy freak ‘bag. Wish the pic was better so you could see just how juicy this plum was (click on the pic to see it better), but even here you can get a sense of the perfection, and the smelly pooey douchitude, on display.

I nearly lost my lunch.

8 dollars worth of Taco Bell could’ve ended up on a West Hollywood sidewalk.

Zona'Bag

This tall glass o’ douche isn’t really the point of posting this pic, although unless he actually plays college ball wearing a jersey over a t-shirt is an automatic 2-point doucher. The point of this pic is that I suddenly love the Yankees. In strange and inappropriate ways. I’m not much of a baseball fan but I just became one. Go Yankees. Both of them.

Smiley Perfection

That girl smiling on the right is just superb. She makes me think that all is good in the world. The girl on the left is also fantastic. The douche sandwiches in the middle? Not so much.

Signs of douchitude in these two douche-padawans are subtle, but they are there. Note how the drink is held. Douche. The face. Uber-douche. And of course the coral necklace.

Speaking of mini-scrotes, little Timmy himself made an appearance in the comments section of his pic, showing that 11 year old mini-douches have a sense of humor. Which definitely scores him points. And that’s good, because it means he scored something that night.