Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

One More Journey

I’m positive this is the same HCwD couple we featured in the “Journey of a Thousand Boobies” pic from last week, but I had to run them one more time. If not because ambiguous Asian hottie’s mammaries make me break out in cold sweats, then because this scrote’s face is like the Mount Rushmore of Douche faces.

Look at that thing. It’s not even human. The hair and stubble look painted on. In fact I have to look away. I think I just burned my retinas.

The Lip

Please tell me that little black dot on this scrote’s lower lip is a lip-ring. Please. I don’t want to imagine what genetic mutations are beginning to sprout on the lips of ‘bag.

Regardless, bandana + 10 Degree Hat = whiff of dead marmit roadkill. As evidenced by the expression on Blue Man ‘Bag in the back.

As to Cheryl Crow Hottie… don’t do it! don’t make the obvious joke!… I’d like to soak up her sun!… dagnabbit.

Count the Fungus

Okay kids, while we’re waiting to get all the votes in and see who’s our HCwDotW, here’s a pic with so many variants of the ‘bag virus, so many permutations of scrote, one hardly knows where to begin.

Do I start off by:

a) Mocking the enormous foreheaded skinny ‘bag in the front making one of the most ridiculous poses since season 2 of 90210?

b) Watching lime-green turd try to fondle himself with ‘bag hand gesture #48?

c) Discuss my deeprooted desire to smack the two tools in the back with a large seabass?

d) Write love sonnets and sing acapella John Denver hits to the two blond bottles of perfection?

Yep, it’s a Douche hoedown in this pic. A veritable cornucopia of rank knobbery. Although my favorite thing of all is that Lead Scrote in the front actually cuffs his jeans. Sweet style, my ‘baggyliscious friend.

HCwD of the Week: EuroDouche Edition

It’s been a few weeks since we last had one of these Douche-Offs so we’re long overdue for another round of some ‘bago a ‘bago action. Since “The Toad” would likely run away with the crown against any recent competition, I’ve decided to focus on the greasy stylings of Eurodouches and American Wanks in this week’s contest. That creepy mixture of German techno-style, Italian non-bathing and French pout that has worked its away across the pond to settle into the deepest recesses of the American club-going experience.

When making your pick, key in on the utter rankitude of the scrote’s choices of clothing but also his attitude. How high does he rank on the punchface-o-meter? And of course, the quality of his hottie must be factored into the HCwD equation, otherwise it’s simply a bunch of tools lined up against the wall.

So, without further ado, here are the nominees of scrote:

HCwD #1: The Bas

Skinny, greased up smooth chest, bizarre hairstyle, Prussian eyebrows and a wizened sidekick make The Bas a worthy contender. His hottie has that offbeat sweetness, a bright eyed innocence that hardly explains how she found herself in the presence of Euro-Scrote.

Oh, and the bar-code shirt. I mean, come on. A bar-code shirt?

HCwD #2: Labor Day ‘Bag

Okay, not the purest example of Euro-Douche but the glasses and stubble alone suggest Parisian skeeze. Looking like Douche Bono, shirtlessness and 10 degree pink hat enhance the douchey tilt-o-whirl experience.

And of course holding one of the sexiest hotties to appear on the site makes this pic a worthy contender for HCwDotW honors.

HCwD #3: Million Dollar Douchebag

Laugh it up, Saggy McGut. Trying to get in on one of the sexier HCwHC combos we’ve had on the site makes this wanker a big-time contender. The boxing gloves pushes him into uber-creep territory.

A few weeks later and this pic still makes me want to do shots of Jaeger and fall asleep on my floor.

So have at it fellow ‘bag hunters. What say you? Use your powers of deduction and vote for your favorite in the comments section.

The 40 Year Old 'Baggin

Creepy old douchebags tend to gain a sort of anti-hero popularity on this site. Like when you’re young, utter scrote and snagging the hotties you’re a rank piece of ‘baggedness, but once you pass forty and you’re still pulling down the hotties, you’re like a douchebag Billy the Kid. Folk hero rebel ‘bag status has been attained merely for keeping your saggy nuts in the game.

I can appreciate that sentiment.

So it is in the spirit of the oldie McBag hero that I present this cheesy potato featured here. This ‘bag anti-hero has managed to snag two very tasty little popsicles. Not only that, but aside from the facial pubes, he’s sporting what appears to be CD Bling around his neck.

So bust ‘Bag Hand Gesture #72 in this turd’s saggy honor. He may look like the roadie for Metallica, but he’s got two handfuls of goodness. Which is two more than I have. Unless a can of PBR counts as “goodness.” And maybe it does. Maybe it does.

Fat Bass

It’s gotta suck going through life looking like a puffed up version of a former teen-idol boy band member who then came out of the closet.

The solution?

Grow some fungle on your chin and frost your hair like Jennifer Aniston circa 1998.

Then again maybe this is that singer himself, I can’t even tell anymore. Nor can I tell how hot the chicka is.

All I know is I spilled mustard on my shirt. Stupid mustard.

Wuddup

Hip Hop here needs to be tossed off a cliff before his chinny chin chin can do any more damage to this sweet little sweetpea.

I love her. I know I’ve said I love other hotties on this site. But I love her more. In many ways. And shapes. And sizes. She makes me forget I’m sitting on my nasty-ass rug in my livingroom, sipping the ‘Train, eating a bowl of Lucky Charms, and firing up the XBox for another productive day in the life of DB1.

The King of Scrote

Long live the King!

Okay, die in a fire, King Scrote. Your rubberband lips make me want to string you up on the front of a boat and ram a giant styrofoam shark like Michael Caine did in “Jaws IV.”

These two slinky bananas look somewhat disturbed by their presence with the King here. You can see why. The Yasminization Force is strong among them.

Furry Furbags

These furry furbags demonstrate the power of the stage-4 Bleeth infection. This hottie will never recover. From Grieco to the Toad, the spread of the douche virus is vast and its destruction is overwhelming.

I can’t tell which fur coat is more douchey. They’re busting 1970s Superfly style, only Curtis Mayfield isn’t around to salvage their incoherent story with a fantastic driving bass riff.

Man I miss Curtis Mayfield. That guy was true musical genius.

This Guy

And then there’s This Guy.

This Guy is a ‘bag.

This guy is a tool.

This guy is a rank, fungle covered ‘Bag Hand Gesture #28 making uber-knob.

In fact I can’t think of anything worse than This Guy.

Oh wait, yes I can. The two donkey poo tonguebags in the back.