Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Million Dollar Douchebag

Hey Shiney Boxer, word to the wise: Putting on boxing gloves won’t make these two hotties think you’re a wild and crazy guy who’s wacky and funny and therefore worth hooking up with. They can still smell scrote a mile away. So laugh it up, Saggy McBag. It’s pretty clear these two hotties know where the party is, and it don’t involve you.

Alternative titles for this pic:

The Great White Scrote
Raging ‘Bag
Requiem for a HeavySack

And the runnerup alt-title: Girlfight.

Morning Spew

Remember those puzzles when you were a kid where you had to circle all the errors in the picture?

Try it here. But circle all the examples of scrote, douche, puke and stench. Then count them up. Include examples provided by douche-infected hotties.

I count 13. If you count the douche-poodle, that is.

First Love

Ah, first love.

Sophomore year. Business classes going well. Almost 20, only one more year until you can drink.

Time to bust the popped collar polo and embrace the douche.

And I agree with the comments section. Popped Collar = automatic stage 1 Douche Status.

Boobies

I’m not sure how ‘baggy this decaying middle aged putz is.

But there’s one thing I do know.

Boobies.

More from Barbs and her 'Bag

I just can’t get over these two. They don’t just deserve their own entry in the Hall of Scrote, they should get a whole damn floor. The colliding impossibilies of this hot little candy corn and this taco o’ douche is just unbearable.

It would drive me to chug a bottle of Irish Rose ($2.99 at your neighborhood Korean deli), except I already chugged a bottle of Irish Rose to down my Lucky Charms this morning.

Pink Satin? I’d gnaw through my elbow to smell the lint in her dryer.

Potzie 'Bag

There’s a special category of douche that encompasses the D-List actor who uses whatever fleeting fame they have to score the hottie. While this only tangentially relates to such source douche examples like The Grieco (Richard), The Baio (Scott) and The BluntBag (Sphincter), it does encompass the same basic territory.

The D-listers who spend their unemployed years banging hotties deserve their own special category of scrote. What I like to call the Potzie ‘Bag.

No offense to Potzie from Happy Days, but these ‘bags more often than not occupy that “Potzie” niche on their assorted sitcoms. Think about it. David Faustino from “Married With Children.” Creepy Ian Ziering from “90210.” Jared Leto-Bag. And of course, the rank taint pictured here, Fez.

They are all Potzie ‘Bags. Satellite Douches in orbit to Source Grieco.

DB1's Mad Photoshop Skills

I think I found a rather nice solution for the “Leave it to Cleavite” pic (see below).

Simo Tri-Douche

I think it’s safe to say the only question surrounding this week old kangaroo booger’s status is whether he’s merely douchebag or is, in fact, uber-douchebag.

I’m leaning towards uber.

In fact we have an example of the rare and highly complex tri-douche move involving simultaneous scrote-tongue, retarded shocker, AND ‘bag head butt.

In a sense, it’s actually quite impressive.

Blondie has that Fleur de Lis “whatever you desire” L.A. Confidential look. She may not be cut to look like Lana Turner but she’d still make me go Russell Crowe on this douchebag.

'Bag / Not a 'Bag

This grinning nut-rollup will test whether a popped collar alone is enough to qualify for true ‘bag status or not. Not to mention that hottie in the middle is just too good for words. I’m whipping up an egg white omlette in her honor as we speak. I would shower with ants just to smell her perfumed hair through a garden hose.

So what say you, people? ‘Bag? Not a ‘Bag? Wannabe ‘Bag? Or just a pile of elephant poo?

No more Leave it to Cleavite

Sadly, as happens from time to time, one of the rank scrotes whom we mocked here at HCwD writes in and asks to have their pic taken down. In this case, Mr. Cleavite was actually pretty cool about it:

DB1,

As a douchebag I am a real fan of the site. However, some of my overzealous douchebag buddies apparantky thought it woul dbe fun to submit to you a pic of me in all my douchebagginess. The douche picture which you entitled “Leave It to Cleave it” is in fact me. While I love the publicity, I have done a good job of disguising my douchebaggary at work. If this picture is seen by my employer I fear then I may be fired for being a douchebag, and also because the girl on the left is the XXXX’s daughter. So DB1 I respectfully request that you remove the picture entitled “Leave it to cleavite” (or at least black out my face). Thanks. Douche on!

Admitting to being a ‘bag is the first step towards recovery, Mr. Cleavite. And he did offer to let me black out his face. To keep those fantastic mammaries on the site, perhaps I’ll fire up my crappy photoshop skills and do just that…