Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

It's Hard Out Here for a Chimp

(featured in the movie “Hustle & Poo”)

You know it’s hard out here for a chimp (you ain’t knowin)
When he tryin to get his facial pubes to crimp(you ain’t knowin)
For the tilted hat and bling money spent (you ain’t knowin)
Because he’s giving up douchebaggery for Lent (you ain’t knowin)
Yes he’s giving up douchebaggery for Lent (you ain’t knowin)

The Scandadouchian

This creepy ass EuroBag kind of scares me. He’s like douche mutant or something. Normally I wouldn’t subject my readers to a weird-ass Scandadouchian like this turd if it weren’t for the absolutely fantastic raven he’s posing with.

She makes me want to move to Prague and sell newspapers for coin while feasting on bread and cheese and living in that one room studio above the butcher just so I can follow her home from Mass on Sundays.

Yup. I just stepped into a Kundera novel.

European novelist allusions aside, I’d like to pepper-spray Gunter until he begs me in a combination of broken German and English to spare his Abba loving ass. I would then curl up in Raven’s dark hair and dream of the Old World while eating a bar of toblerone.

Classic Poo

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Like a fine vintage wine, occasionally a HCwD pic comes along that reminds us what it’s all about. The skeezy facial hair, the doughy chest, the bling and giant sunglasses. The douchey hair hilights.

And of course, a hottie or two in the grip of grease.

Give it up to Harley ‘Bag, he sure has good taste in arm candy. And he gets minimal props for not performing the classic ‘Bag Headbutt. But otherwise I’d like to dump his Soul-Glo in the pacific ocean.

PooBag of the Week: Disco Pilgrim

I had a hard time coming up with a name for this pic, so props go to i bling for coming up with the name “Disco Pilgrim” in the comments section. We’ll rechristen this poobag by that name for our subsequent HCwD of the Month contest in a few weeks.

It was a solid win for D.P. here (ahem…), who’s attempts at showing Male Cleavite swung a lot of votes his way, even as many felt that T-Rex and Bubble Couch Boy had hotter hotties on the HC side of the equation (although you can’t argue with those legs).

Or as Scrote M. Walsh puts it:

Part of being a douche is having a contrived image. Generally it’s over-compensation for a lack of personality, advancing age, low IQ or sub-4″ penis. Whatever #2’s reasoning (surely all 4) he is just trying too hard, with the man-cleaving shirt, hideous white collar and spooge-stained jeans. It helps his chicka (sans man chin) has a killer body.

Hard to argue with that astute analysis. Pinkus also breaks it down:

#2. because i choked on my vomit and i gotta get something out of it.

Well put, Pinkus. Well put.

jem offers a female point of view, and casts her vote for the T-Rex:

#1 – he scares the @#$@ out of me

Iowa Douche Cannon throw’s some “love” (and by “love” I mean spew) Bubble Couch’s way:

Had to think about this one for a while. At 1st I was going to go with #2 as his douche credentials are obvious and appauling.

HE STUFFS HIS POCKETS!
HA AH HA AH HAH AH AH HA HA!!!!!

Solid round everyone. Next week is going to be a doozy, as we’ve had some fantastic pics this week. Props to all the ‘bag hunters out there sending me pics, apologies if I don’t always write back. Being broke, unemployed, and hooked on the Night Train and Kelloggs Frosted Mini-Wheats takes it’s toll on a douchebag.

Spanky

Spanky’s grease actually extends to the leg area, a new first here at HCwD. Note to self: If I ever find myself dressed like this, drink a gallon of strychnine, stat.

As far as blond Nordic perfection goes, I’m ready to sing the Swedish National Anthem while gargling windex if it means I can get a bette glimpse of that fantastic, supernatural cleavite. She is just plain luxurious. Why she’s serving up that delightfully creampuff derriere for racket practice with this utter douchalicious douche is beyond my comprehension. Then again that could also be due to too many bowls of Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Mmm… mini-wheats.

Wrong

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wrong

–adjective

1. not in accordance with what is morally right or good: a wrong deed.
2. deviating from truth or fact; erroneous: a wrong answer.
3. not correct in action, judgment, opinion, method, etc., as a
person; in error: You are wrong to blame him.
4. not proper or usual; not in accordance with requirements or recommended practice: the wrong way to hold a golf club.
5. out of order; awry; amiss: Something is wrong with the machine.
6. not suitable or appropriate: He always says the wrong thing.
7. (of clothing) that should be worn or kept inward or under: You’re wearing the sweater wrong side out.

–noun

8. that which is wrong, or not in accordance with morality, goodness, or truth; evil: I committed many wrongs.
9. an injustice: The wrongs they suffered aged them.
10. Law.
a. an invasion of another’s right, to his damage.
b. a tort.

–adverb

11. in a wrong manner; not rightly; awry; amiss: You did it wrong again.
–verb (used with object)
12. to do wrong to; treat unfairly or unjustly; harm.
13. to impute evil to (someone) unjustly; malign.

—Idioms

14. get in wrong, Slang. to cause to come into disfavor: We are forever getting in wrong with the people next door.
15. in the wrong, to blame; in error: He knew he was in the wrong but refused to concede the point.
16. go wrong,
a. to go amiss; fail: Everything is going wrong today.
b. to pursue an immoral course; become depraved: Bad friends caused him to go wrong.

Gummi Lips

Gummi Lips likes you.

He just wants to kiss you.

Is that so wrong?

I’m keeping the PooBag voting open a bit longer, so get any last votes in. Remember the hottie is also part of the equation, which is why I included T-Rex.

Now I’m off to have like my fifth bowl of Kelloggs Frosted Mini-Wheats in like two days. That can’t be good.

Pacified

There comes a point in every man’s life when he finds himself being embraced by a cutie while sucking on a pacifier. With greased hair rounding out the scrotiness, those moments, when captured on camera, are moments to be savored.

Pacifier boy enjoys his time with his paid compatriot. And we enjoy his douchiness.

SuperBag

Faster than a speeding bodyshot… Able to leap
tall guidos in a single bound… it’s SuperBag!!

Fighting for sleaze, hair gel and the Jersey way, SuperBag is there!!

But what would Freud say about the hostility to his ambiguously Asian cutie?

Then again, cutie is performing Inverted ‘Bag Boobie Grab #03, so perhaps the Bleeth-4 stage Grieco virus is too strong for any redemption.

P. Douchey

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I try to stay away from tooling on the youthbags too harshly because they’re still ripening into mature douche form and it’s not fair to pick on a douche-bud as it grows. But I’ll make an exception for this two-layered wank. The guido jersey plus pimp-ass coat combo has to explode the Wigga scale. Toss in the hand gesture and sunglasses and you have supernova scrote. And I’m not talking the band with Tommy Lee.

This young chicklets don’t know what they have in store if they keep hanging around Youth ‘Bags like P. Douchey here. But I can warn ’em now. Girls, it ain’t gonna turn out good.