Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Fan Mail

A fan writes in:

I’m not on this site but I must admit you have to be one huge fagget to waste your time with this… Your probly just one of those little pinners that is like 5’1 105 pounds that gets pounded at the bars for openin his yap.. Therefore I give yo uthe title of biggest duesch in the world.. why
dont you stop wasting your time with this you @#$@in schmelt and get a life.

That’s all well and good, but what’s a “schmelt”? And does it go well with gefilte fish?

C’mon people, lets get some more votes going in the HCwDotM thread. And don’t you worry, Pat will get his moment to shine soon enough…

BeefyBoy

I feel like this tattooed, sweaty hunk of clam has made past appearances on the site but I can’t be sure. But I know I’ve tasted bile in my throat like this before, so I must have seen him.

Is that lower tattoo supposed to be a dead turkey hanging from an electric fence?

Swedish Hottie has cheekbones I would dip in tartar sause and enjoy with a cocktail weenie. And by cocktail weenie, I don’t mean the male skankfest to her right.

Don’t forget the HCwDotM. Polls are open all day. Keep them votes rolling in.

BuddhaBag

I just switched us over to a “pop-up” comments format for the site. Let me know if this makes things easier (so we can look at the pics while typing) or if it’s a huge pain in the ‘bag. I can always switch it back. I’m not sure if pop-up blockers will block the window or not so I’ve resisted adding it before now.

But we have four fantastic HCwDotM candidates, so lets celebrate like BuddhaBag here. With Key Bling around our necks and a tiny red tongued hottie by our side.

Keep them votes coming in for the HCwD of the month. And I’ll keep drinking and staring at the crumbs on my ripped up Lollapalooza ’99 shirt.

HCwD of the Month

Well, it’s that time of month, and unlike that other time of month that involves you getting yelled at and ice-cream runs, this one is the douche-off of douche-offs. The ultimate ‘bag race. The whole Griecorama.

Yes, it’s the HCwD of the Month contest, where you, the reader, get to determine which pic of douchitude and hotness is truly unique in its combination of utter wrongness. Which pic makes you pick up a golf club and run screaming down the P.C.H. smashing in windows.

Yes, I know. All of them do.

But you have to pick one and only one and cast your vote in the comments section to this thread. Now if you’re too darn lazy to create a profile, you can vote anonymously, but be sure to add your reasons for voting and what tipped the scrote balance in the direction you chose.

HCwD of the Month #1: Disco Pilgrim

It’s definitely rare to find a ‘bag who actually emulates the cleavage on his date. That’s probably what put D.P. over the edge here. Not to mention two of the best legs I’ve seen since seafood night at the Sizzler.

Oh, and those stains on the jeans. What the hell is up with those jeans? I’ve known homeless mutant crack babies on crack who smoke a lot of crack who wear cleaner jeans.

HCwD of the Month #2: Spanky

A lot of confusion sprung up over Spanky’s apparent Arthur Ashe costume in what does not, on any level, appear to be a costume party. The Hendrix bandana doesn’t help his case, nor does his apparently greased up and shaved legs.

Blondie, one of the hottest ever to grace our digital pages, may have put Spanky over the top with her utter hotness. That cleavite is gold medal winning Betty Crocker Bakeoff hot.

HCwD of the Month #3: The Dung Beetle

Wow, I almost forgot about The Dung Beetle here. Now I’m slightly mad at myself that he’s reentered my consciousness on any level. This is one of those “I’d like to jab ice-picks into my face” pics, which if I ever followed through on that threat I’d… well… have jabbed a lot of ice-picks into my face.

Those sunglasses. That snarl. That G.I. Joe Kung-Fu Douche Grip.

And that blond ball of perfection.

It hurts, Johnny. It hurts.

HCwD of the Month #4: Labor Day ‘Bag

This pic is like the Bud Lite of HCwD pics. Or Coca Cola. It almost defines the brand. it’s so hottie/douchey on so many head exploding levels that it’s like the template for all things HC and DB.

The pink hat. The fungle on the face.

And abs I would hunt down and kill a Chilean Sea Bass for.

Megods that’s some hotness and scroteness just way to close for comfort.

This pic just makes me weep for humanity.

So there you have it people. Four shining examples of the best and worst of the HCwD combo. All four deserve our respect and future enshrinement in the Hall of Scrote, but for now they’re facing off against each other in a doucho-a-doucho smackdown event that should be on Pay Per View. So what say you? Which one gets to wear the hallowed crown, the “HCwD of the Month”?

No more Ween'Bag

Boo!!

Sorry folks, Ween’Bag wrote in and complained so I had to take that pic down. Not to mention the girls were apparently in high school, even though the alcohol fooled me into thinking it was a college pic. Damn, they sure didn’t look highschool.

So instead, I give you this Shocked out scrote to end your Halloween festivities. No hotties in this one. But a glass of ice cold Pepsi-Cola.

And who doesn’t love a glass of ice cold Pepsi-Cola?