Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Douchebaguette

You can almost see the transformation from hottie to Bleethed out Douchebaguette in front of your very eyes. Oily TongueScrote borders on that Twilight Zone edge between GayBag and NerdBag, a gray area of douchitude best left to the imagination.

Hottie’s pouty lips are two pillows of soft candy goodness. I would bounce up and down on them in miniaturized form until Rick Moranis accidentally vacuums me up in a straight to video DVD release.

Yup, it’s Thanksgiving Weekend. And the DB1 is stuffed.

Happy Bagsgiving!

Happy Bagsgiving, from all of us here at HCwD!!

Well it’s just me, actually.

But I’m hittin’ the Cranberry flavored Irish Rose, so it’s all good.

Enjoy a turkey leg with a nice serving of gravy to honor all the hotties in the world who’ve escaped the clutches of douchebaggery.

And meditate over your stuffing and peas that there’s still so much scrote to mock and hotties to save. Thanks to all the hilarious comments in the threads from the regulars, you guys keep me going. And our work has just begun…

Sippy McAss

To paraphrase Bill Maher, New Rule: If your cutie has to hold up your girly drink for you to drunkenly take a sip, you are a mini-douche even if you exhibit no outward signs of douchosity.

Then again, four day weekend. And the color of that drink is remarkably similar to the train. So maybe I’ll just stare with lust at this slightly cross eyed doe.

Turkey Doucherole

1. Preheat oven to 325°F. Check the wrapper to see how much the turkey weighs and determine approximate cooking time. Remove the giblet bag and the neck from the turkey cavity. Wash the turkey inside and out and pat skin dry with paper towels. Be sure to clean off any excess hair grease or bling.

2. Remove sunglasses and douchebaggey shirt. Remove the hottie. She will be part of dessert.

3. Place turkey breast side up on a rack in a shallow (about 2 inches deep) roasting pan. Insert meat thermometer in thigh. Don’t worry, turkey douche is used to this. Add 1/2 cup water to the bottom of pan, if desired.

3. Cover turkey loosely with a tent of heavy-duty aluminum foil. Roast the turkey until temperature in the innermost part of the thigh reaches 165°F as measured with a food thermometer. Check the tongue and the thickest part of the breast. You may choose to cook the turkey to higher temperatures. Cooking time will vary. For example, a 180 pound turkey will take 4 1/4 to 5 hours to cook, check the temperature on the thermometer after 4 1/4 hours.

4. Meanwhile, mix the stuffing or dressing. Place in a casserole and pop it into the oven during the last hour or so of roasting time.

5. Remove the foil tent after 1 to 1 1/2 hours of cooking time to brown the skin. Brush with vegetable oil to enhance browning, if desired.

7. Allow the turkey to set 20 to 30 minutes before carving to allow juices to saturate the meat evenly.

Note: Cooking times do vary. Why? There are many reasons – oven temperature may not be completely accurate, the turkey douchebag may be very cold or partially frozen, and/or the roasting pan may be too small which inhibits the flow of hair grease. The USDA highly recommends use of a meat thermometer in the turkey douche’s thigh or ass to determine just what a total scrotebag he is.

HCwD of the Week: Bloom'Bag and The Striped Raven

It was a tight one but Elizabethtown ‘Bag and this sultry ball of hot take the prize mainly on the strength of the uber-douche nipple display. Lets hope this scrote’s Eurodouche. If he’s American I’m defecting to Canada.

And what’s up with that semi-collar? It’s like some mutant offspring of the no-collar period in the mid 1990s and the big collar early 00s retro look. Yet it’s neither. It’s pure puke.

I love her.

I know I’ve said that before, but this time I mean it.

I’m surprised as I thought the strength of Librarian Hottie’s absurd sexiness would’ve put Barbarino ‘Bag over the top but nipple exposure apparently is overpowering in its douchitude. And I can see why. This skinny chested ball of wax deserves, if not physical abuse, than at least an angry ferret chewing on his nads.

Gonna be tough to see Bloom’Bag get much love (and by “love” I mean “puke) going against the other HCwDotW in next week’s Douche-Off, but with that nip I wouldn’t put it past him.

EDIT: Wow, Bloom’Bag is RichBag below. I didn’t recognize him with his nipple covered.

Vampiros Douchebagos

Run Hottie!! He’s sucking your brains out with his zombie douche powers!!!

Mmm… pokey boobie.

Oh lordy

Oh lordy lordy lordy lordy lordy….

looking again at the pic

Oh lordy lordy lordy lordy lordy….

RichBags

Perhaps the worst kind of douchebag is the RichBag. Some oiled up Eurotrash trustafarian who adopts the douche persona as his means of “dressing down.” Of being “one of the scrote.”

Eurotrash wank here is probably named Venicio or Pietro and rented out the suite at the Wynn for the weekend so he can charm Mary Sue Ellen with his accented, cologned up douche charm.

That’s it. To protest, I’m giving up Mediterranean food for at least a week. No more grape leaves and rice.

Fan Mail

Man, this is really starting to bug me:

Hey the second picture down from rehab is a picture of me and XXXX from
NapkinNights, I would like it removed

Thank you
XXXX

Geez, you’d think getting ragged on for looking like a douchebag on an internet site wouldn’t be such a problem for some people. Sheesh.

Uncle Rico

Still got it, Uncle Rico… still got it.