Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Petty 'Bag

Tom Petty’s fallen on rough times since The Traveling Wilburys broke up. Then again, maybe not. Anchor Earring Hotness makes me hit Roy Orbison level falsettos.

As to the Petty ‘Bag, there’s many things an inverted middle-finger gesture communicates. But at the top of that list has to be “class.”

You’re nothing but class, Petty ‘Bag. Nothing but class.

The Bud Queen

PIC DELETED
And here to honor this week’s HCwD of the Week winners, Douche Vortex and Blue Triangle, are a hottie and choad who have made previous appearances on this site somewhere, but I’m not exactly sure where (a bottle of the ‘Train to anyone who can identify them).

I kind of enjoy the fact that the everpresent weird Budweiser crown has annointed this cutie as the “Bud Queen.” Not just for her taste in beer, but for her love of a Bud ‘Bag, those emerging scrotes in the farm system of douchitude.

Although from the looks of it, Hair Assplosion Bud ‘Bag here looks ready for the Majors.

HCwD of the Week: Douche Vortex

Wow, one of the tightest votes in awhile, and by “tightest” I mean “blue panties boobies.” Douche Vortex here barely edged out Baguette for the crown and right to compete in next week’s “HCwD of the Month” contest. Mega Man came in a solid third with decent support as well. I admit I’m surprised, I thought Baguette’s facial pubes and cutie would put him over the top, but the power of the hottie in this case seemed to overwhelm the somewhat pedestrian but still rank douche qualities of The Vortex’s stage-2 Grieco.

Many of the voters were simply overwhelmed by the sexy panty flashing qualities of the tanned cutie enough to overlook the fact that Baguette was wearing two, yep two, hats as Indiana Douche and the Last Douchebag observed. There’s gotta be a special greased up circle in Dante’s cantos for a scrote like that. As bmt puts it:

Vortex’s piece makes we want to walk down the street with my pants down, sucking my thumb. She’s amazing but he’s a pedestrian, run-of-the-mill turd who doesn’t deserve any more recognition than he’s already got. God, that blue triangle down there turns my mind into mush.

As Doc puts it:

Well I think since this has an extra “hotness factor” of the HC, Vortex wins hands down. Both the other two are way bigger DB’s, but the Sally-Mae is WAy Hotter than those other two corn dogs.

But as Mickey O’Douche was quick to counter with:

oh, my douchebrothers, what have we come to? It seems that this week’s criterion for voting simply is that of “does the hottie make me wank”? My brothers, there’s so, so much more that zenmasters such as Douche Lee have taught us, well beyond “wax on, wax off” manuever that is so useful for you wanksters.

Mickey’s case for the choadness of Baguette came up just short. Douchestar runner explains the logic:

The Vortex isn’t off the charts in douchosity, but he has enough classic signs to qualify as a bona-fide ‘bag; the ugly black patterned club shirt, a little bling (earring especially), some hair grease and a headlock. Throw in a chick that’s actually kinda hot and it’s this week’s best combo.

There was some discussion about previous award winners making second appearances. This is a gray area I haven’t quite figured out, I was thinking once a scrote won a contest, they were enshrined on their own and outside future appearances. But then again, subsequent Donkey Douche pics have cemented his legend, so maybe we need to consider having a “Secondary ‘Bag-Off” at some point.

And as to last night’s radio appearance of The DB1 on The Ugly Phil Breakfast Show”, I think it went pretty damn well. Ugly Phil is apparently a douchebag who can acquire many hot chicks, and if I can find a good pic proving this, I will honor him for his interview with a post on this site.

I’ll see if I can get a copy and post the audio if anyone’s interested. As it is, good voting all around! Great comments as always.

Where's Waldouche: Lurking scrotebag Edition

Somewhere in this pic of a boozy, sexed up hottie, I’ve hidden a lurking scrotebag.

Can you find him?

Pin Diesel

Pin Diesel here reminds you that HCwD of the Week voting closes tonight, so get your votes in in the thread down below. Gotta prep for next week’s hallowed Douchebag of the Month douche-off.

Revelatory pink bra + striped hair means a consumable hottie for a lazy afternoon.

But what’s with the dude in the background? I’m vaguely frightened.

Glover Bag

There’s been an increasing amount of hottie/scrote fusion going on in which the Grieco/Bleeth infection chain reaches a terminal state of douchebaggery. A closed circuit feedback loop of douche. This ArtBag greaseball looks like some mutant Crispin Glover Marty McFly ‘Bag processed through an early 70s Warholian lense. Should we make fun of his feminine wiles or silk screen him onto a canvas?

Sexy Natalie Wood cutie may be Bleethed out beyond all hopes of saving, but I’d still rub up and down on her leg like a cracked up doberman. I know what you’re thinking. Is there any Bleethed out hottie I wouldn’t lecherously fondle? A few. Not many, but a few. Because a ‘bag hunter’s gotta have some standards.

And what’s with Glover Bag’s sailor jacket? I don’t know where to insult his douchebaggery or order a drink out on the veranda.

The Turd Burglar

I’m not sure why the term “Turd Burglar” came to me when staring at this oversized scrote attacking this cutie. I think it’s because “Turd Burglar” was a term I used in third grade. And this wank’s look is what I would’ve pictured in third grade as a good “night on the town” look.

So from third grade to this inflated putz, I knight thee, “Sir Turd Burglar.” Next time find a shirt that isn’t six sizes too large, T.B.

Mmm… those are some healthy mammaries.

The Anus Pucker

You know, I was feeling good this morning. Had a bowl of Lucky Charms. Topped it off with a can of PBR. I even found a pair of matching socks in the closet. It was gonna be a good day.

I took a look at this lovely smile, and giant rays of sunshine promised me idyllic tomorrows.

And then I observed the giant greasy ball of douche growing out of her right shoulder, and I felt the classic anus-pucker of a true HCwD pic. It was wrong. So very, very wrong.

It’s not just the Jesus Bling, nor the chin pubes, nor even the Flowbee haircut. It’s the low cut v-neck t-shirt + sportscoat look. No, it’s the ‘bag headbutt. No, it’s the douche-face.

No, it’s all of the above. This lost circus clown needs Mr. T to pity his fool. I’d blender his nads then play pachinko with this swan until our boba ran out.

Also, your humble narrator, The DB1 (that’s me!), is scheduled to be interviewed by phone on all things hottie/douchey Wednesday morning (tomorrow), on the British talkshow Kerrang!. So if you’re in England tomorrow morning, around 6-7am, give us a listen, guvnah. It’ll actually be airing tonight around 11pm P.S.T. live, due to the time difference.

Website is http://www.kerrangradio.co.uk/

Hank

Likely some dorm dressup party, but I can’t tell which is more disturbing. Wigga punk ‘bag, or two college girls dressing up like 12 year olds.

That rank dorm room features some quality movie posterage in the Fantastic 4, and the pile of dirty laundry on the bed says, “Hello, my name is Hank and I love my time here at Witchita State. Watch me bust ‘bag hand gestures and wear pink because I can get wild and crazy sometimes, too!”

Hank, even in dressing up as scrote, you is scrote.

The Pointer

Point away, pucca shell putz’bag. Point to your dying soul, infecting Grieco douchebaggery and utter stank.

Like an Irish Setter in a field of douche, you point to your prey. And Lassie weeps.