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Friday, February 2, 2007
His Name is Hurl
This pic’s commentary comes to us from merry old England, courtesy of HCwD’s favorite aristocratic, sexually ambigious British gentlemen, Ian and Shelley:
Ian: I say, old chap! Another picture of a lovely young woman of pleasing disposition posing with a rather troubling young man.
Shelley: Right you are, my old fellow. I dare say, he’s positively Brechtian in how he challenges conventional theatrical norms.
Ian: Quite right, quite right. Pass the sugar.
Shelley: Of course, my dear fellow. Would you like some lemon?
Ian: Ho, no! It brings an untenable digestive condition that I shan’t bore you with the details of.
Shelley: Quite right, quite right.
Ian: But thank you anyway, old chap.
Shelley: Yes, well, getting back to this odd fellow. I would say he’s a douchebag, wouldn’t you?
Ian: I would say the case is quite airtight.
Shelley: In fact, some might argue, his scrotitude warrants a swift kick to the seat of his pants!
Ian: I concur with that assessment. And might I add, setting his nads on fire would not be outside the realm of discourse in this happenstance vis a vis a larger societal obligation.
Shelley: I fear you are correct, kind sir. Shall you set fire to his nads? Or shall I?
Ian: After we finish our tea, my old friend.
Shelley: Quite right. Quite right.
Ian (glancing at the pic again): Pass the lemon.
Shelley: But you said?… Ohhhh. Excellent plan, old chap! Truly lauditory!
Ian: I thank you, my old friend. Scrotebags like this deserve nothing less. My gastrointestinal disposition will finally pay off. For all of us.
Shelley: Indeed, my dear fellow. Indeed.
Andddddd…. scene.
Friday, February 2, 2007Friday Haiku
Scrote One, Dog Tags Three,
Aftershave wafts, smells like douche,
Mia Sara, why?
DoucheSport
Three will enter.
Only one will douche supreme.
This is not a contest for HCwD hottie/douchey comingling. This is a scrote face-off smackdown ‘bag attack of international world shaking consequences. This is a battle of scrote that will shake the very foundations of heaven and earth in its unholy faceoffs. This is it, folks.
DoucheSport.
Each douche fighter has strengths and weaknesses. Each douche fighter will bring his A-Game to this octagon ring smackdown no holds barred douche off supreme. With cheese.
Inspired by the discussion in the comments thread, this is a no holds barred three round Ultimate Douching Championship. Hotties to the side. In this smackdown it is douche-on-douche only.
Enter Donkey Douche.
Greased up and ready to smackdown with the full barrel throwing force of an early 80s videogame icon.
D.D. is ready to rumble. No dog-tags. Only facial grease and the game-face on.
Do not mess with the D.D. He came here to claim the Ultimate Douching Championship, and he will not be denied.
But what’s that?….
Who’s entering the ring next??…
Why…
It’s…
Dracadouche, aka Lurkascrote, aka Bat Boy.
Bat Boy doesn’t have the brute force strength of the frontal assault on the senses that Donkey Douche presents, but his stealth movements and quick strike capabilities make him a formidable foe.
Often known to dart around his prey with the speed of a feral rat and the energy of a cracked up White Chocolate, Bat Boy brings a covert douche-attack that overwhelms anyone caught looking the other way (like this poor doomed hottie here).
Bat Boy enters the Octogon ready to douche-off with dexterity, speed and quickness. He is a dangerous foe. D.D. looks nervous.
But wait!…
Who’s that coming to join the party?
Why, it’s…
Old No. 7 aka Cro ‘Bagnon!
Out of retirement and ready to defend the crown, Cro ‘Bagnon looks filled with the power of the source-douche that is his to summon at will.
Bat Boy and Donkey Douche look nervous, folks. This will be their toughest contest yet.
Cro ‘Bagnon lets off a greasy roar that gets the crowd excited. This will be a test of ‘bag hand gestures, creepy clothing items, and of course the most powerful weapon of all… the douche-face.
Cro ‘Bagnon loooks pumped, folks. He is not to be trifled with.
Referreeing tonight’s DoucheSport Ultimate Douche Championship will be none other than…
Douche Lee!!!
And the crowd goes wild as D.L., decked out in a fantastic sports jersey with multiple ‘bling hanging from his tiny neck, makes his way through the crowd and enters the Octagon.
Douche Lee is reknowned in DoucheSport contests for his zen scrote state, his ability to manifest at will in the presence of hotties, and, famously, for his fantastic ‘bag haircut. Star of the famous film, “Enter the ‘Baggon,” the D.L. knows a thing or two about ‘bag smackdowns and will be the perfect judge for this contest.
Douche Lee will ring the bell and get things started…
AND IT’S ON!!!
Who will win?…
That’s up to you, folks.
Let me know the play-by-play in the comments thread.
Thursday, February 1, 2007Duck Duck Douche
When you were a kid, did you ever play “Duck Duck Douche”? I feel like the ducks grew up and so did the douche. This pic reminds me why the art clubs make my skin crawl with the power of a hundred vibrating frogs.
Not that I’ve ever experienced a vibrating frog. At least as far as you know.
Thursday, February 1, 2007Sippin' on Gin and Juice
I’m convinced I’m going to make fun of an actual gangsta one of these days, so if you are that, Sir, let me be the first to humbly compliment you on your rims and ask you to please not kill me.
Regardless, if I could get a cutie that fantastic, I’d bust a cap in someone’s ass. She has abs I would pour rum to JoBu for.
Thursday, February 1, 2007Donkey Thursday
It’s Donkey Thursday here at HCwD, which means another healthy sampling of the latest Panetheon ‘Bag to enter our hallowed Hall Of Scrote along side Pat, Douche Lee, Big Red and White Chocolate, among many other notables.
Note the dazed and hovering hotties, blinded and confused to be in the presence of such powerful source-douche. Like the Holy Grieco before him, Donkey Douche carries on the torch for all things ‘baggy.
And like moths to flame, the hotties gather.
Thursday, February 1, 2007Don Ho
PIC DELETED
I’m just pleased that this Hawaiian Ray Ramano can score such quality Scandanavian tourist hotness while on coffee break from the Don Ho “Lei Lei” show down at the Honolulu Ha Ha Hut.
This is what we’d call a stage-1 ‘bagger, somewhere on that cusp of latent nerd, sexually frustrated mamma’s boy, and early douchery scrote.
I can’t tell if this lovely yodeler has a slight case of Cowher Chin or if it’s just the angle, but who am I kidding, I’d still knead her thighs with a dash of cinnamon and paprica.
