Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Uncensored: Full Frontal 'Baggitude

This pic sterilizes puppies.

Creepy ChestTat busts the macho fist pose, making him even tougher looking than is humanly possible. I’m awed by his greased, hairless chest with a bizarre pirate cartoon cat(?) tattoo. He’s tough. Did I mention he’s tough?

Hottie in the middle looks like Maya Rudolph, which is all good by me. I’ve always had a thing for Rudolph. SNL’s run of hot, sexy, funny chicks has been a good one lately. Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon have to be four of the cutest female cast members in the show’s history.

Where's Waldouche?: Feces Stick Edition

Somewhere in this picture, behind these three lovely (if Bleethed out) cuties, I’ve carefully hidden a large Feces Stick named Waldouche.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Friday Haiku

Furry roach man, halt!
Abs of cotton bliss, not yours.
Back away, toad face.

Bushy arches douche,
Is McDonald’s on your head?
I’ll have fries with that.

Hotties stuck in them
She escaped the furry brow
RUN smooth tummy poon

The Chud

Awww… what a cute couple. And he’s pregnant, too.

This side of beef could break me in half, so let me salute that chiseled chin and compliment him on the gorgeous ball of blonde to his stomach’s left.

Since we’ve been discussing the Holy Cleavite, there is a prime example. Gaze at it not long, for thine eyes can only behold such purity for short moments.

A Whiff of Trenton

Its two extra thick slices of heaping Jersey Douche with a coupla Bleethed out piece of lettuce to complete the double-decker-douche sandwich (ask for it at the Carnegie). I can almost smell the Axe oil-slicks drifting on the tides.

Sprechen Zie Douche?

I’m pleased as a punch drunk Pat to see HCwD go international. First with England, now with the strangest discussion going on over at this German website (NSFW):

http://www.brainblog.de

Scroll down, it’s about the fourth or fifth link. Anyone care to translate the discussion going on? Is the HCwD phenomenon truly worldwide?

I couldn’t think of an appropriate HCwD pic to go with this post, but these two Nordic Aryan looking types appear to qualify. She looks like she would hefeweizen my goldschlager in all the right ways. He’s your typical chainmail wearing shiny shirted dummkopf. Sie ist most definitely not sehr gut.

Anus Pucker II: Barbie Stylin'

PIC DELETED

Barbie is just too good for words. I’m 90% sure that’s Anus Pucker from last week. I can tell because his face makes me want to shave my eyebrows and throw a T.V. out a window to Roger Waters music.

Either way, he looks vaguely like “Jim” from “The Office.” Which makes me think of Pam. Which makes me think of Pam making out with Barbie here. Which almost makes me forget about Donkey Douche, even as he continues to haunt me in spectral manifestations.

Cleavage Overload

It’s important to differentiate between “cleavage,” which is amply on display here, and “cleavite,” which is the line of Holy Revelation that is less tan and/or paler than the outer part of the boobage. The revelation of the Holy Cleavite is a rare and hallowed experience and must be worshipped accordingly.

These midwestern cuties appear to suffer from extended FratBag exposure. Doing the whole “sophomore year public lesbian” thing. Not that I’m complaining.

Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, there’s a lurkerbag in the background. This is HCwD after all.

The Pud Cactus

By now, many of you know my taste in the ladies. If you guessed “this girl,” you’d be correct. Painfully correct.

The fact she’s growing a Pud Cactus out of her back shreds my soul like a Benihana chef hopped up on goofballs. This fungal faced douche has performed one of the rarest of ‘bag movements — the ‘bag headbutt into the back.

For that we applaud his greasy forehead.

And by applaud I mean we send him down a slip-n-slide covered in poo.

Howdy Turdy

Howdy Turdy here may be hugging his mom, I’m not sure, but man oh man I love that hair. He’s like an animatronic 50s puppet come to life. Douchebag? Just a touch of ‘baggery, but enough to post.

And if that is his mom, I’d be at every PTA meeting. Wearing cologne. And my least dirty pair of jeans.