Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Grilled Cheese

PIC DELETED
Goes great with a side order of fries, a Mr. Pibb and an electric drill to the scrotae.

Saturday Soc

A little taste of everyone’s favorite oil generating third world douchebag to go with your hangover?

Huey and Douchey

It’s like an inglorious mugfest at the Scrote-K Corral.

Tiny little ambiguously Asian vixen fires up the synapses in all the right blood rushing ways, while Huey and Douchey look ready to go pump each other.

Feel the scrotitude build. Watch the viral douchitude jump. Then scrub your eyes out with bleach.

Yup, it’s Friday, and time for one more gut-punch unholy HCwD combo of wrongness comingling in ways that question God, morality and meaning. This classic ‘bag sandwich is the perfect spew platter to finish off a nice week of scrotitude and prepare for the weekend.

Thanks again for all the email submissions, apologies if I don’t respond to each and every email. And no worries on last night’s cock-block encounter with Skinny McTeeth, good times were still had by all. And by all, I mean Huey and Douchey’s moms.

'Bag Headbutt 101

People ask me: DB1, you keep referring to the ‘Bag Headbutt as a staple of the douche oeuvre but I don’t see it. Could you give us another example?

Of course.

Of course I can.

Friday Haiku: Trash 'Bag

White Trash Trailerdouche,
Kid Rock Progeny, lost girl.
Point at this, douchebag.

won’t the real slim sha-
dy please stand up, please stand up.
you sir? down in front.

— fanny double douche

Pele

I sort of feel for the Lurker ‘Bag, quietly slipping into the background of group hottie pics. Quickly slapping on that “been here before” face of casualness, hoping desperately to hide the gnawing dread of being in such close proximity to award winning poon.

So in that sense, I feel for Pele the Conquerer. He’s triple backflipped his way, unnoticed, behind a gaggle of hot, then got his eyebrows into douche position #4 in time for the pic.

Then again, in another sense, I hope he gets run over with a steamroller. That shoots bees.

The DB1's Thursday Night

The DB1 (that’s me), went out for a night of Hollywood debauchery and lascivious wrongness last night. Things were going good. I’d snuck a bottle of Night Train into the bar, and was feeling the liquid confidence of a true douchebag. I was even hinting at the popped collar and ‘Bag Hand Gestures of uber-scrote. I hadn’t yet gone over the edge. But for my readers? I was willing to take that risk.

I’d even cornered an innocent Sweet Polly Purebread, fresh off the boat from some flyover state I wasn’t even sure was in the union. An actress-model-something-something. She laughed at my jokes. I surreptitiously glanced at her cleavage. We pretended we knew what the other was talking about.

Good times.

Until Grinny McCheese came by. That’s him intercepting Purebread. I decided to take a camera-phone pic of the event as it happened. Like a hurricane of douchitude, my charm, my moment in the sun with model hottie, was pounded like a gang of bikers running a train on a 19 year old on Castro Street. Overwhelmed Midwestern Hottie didn’t know what hit her. This oily scrote’s tallness, chin, and 64 pearly white teeth came down the road to Damascus, and like Saul before her, the Hottie saw the Light. It was like competing with a human barracuda. The next thing I knew, poor innocent hottie was dazed and confused by the stench of douchebaggery and the blinding shine reflecting off his 124 pearly white teeth. And like Keyser Soze before her, she was gone. Home to polish Grinny’s oily digits like a shoeshine boy in rush hour.

But that’s okay. A few more shots, and I barely remembered my name.

Oh, who am I kidding. Curling up in fetal position in the bathroom doesn’t make me a puss. Does it?

DD's Posse

Reader ‘Bagnonymous submits the following photoshop genius, as well as an animated version that can be viewed here.

Oh man. This pic’s going to haunt me tonight.

'Bag / Not a 'Bag

I’m torn. Happy McSlappy here just looks way too thrilled to be in the presence of these ladies.

Aha! But note ‘Bag Hand Gesture #43.

Is this ‘budding scrote enough to cross ‘bag status merely with the casualist flip of a hand gesture? Or should we slap him with the dork label and send him back to his job at the fryer of the local Carl’s Jr.? What say you?

Donkey Douche Lives

HCwD fans across the pond in England have been having some fun photoshopping Donkey Douche in a variety of truly genius pics.

Dig that D.D. Photoshop Action.

Oi, good work, ya tossers!