Todd the VII
A little known legend about the great King of England, Henry the V, remains in English lore. The story goes that Henry the V had a much less famous and lazy younger brother, Todd the VII. Todd the VII would continually embarrass and shame the great warrior king during his rise to the throne.
When Henry the V finally ascended to the Crown in 1413, much of his court was deeply concerned. How would the new King of England handle the douchebaggy antics of his clownish and slothful younger brother, Todd the VII?
Henry tried to endure, but Todd’s continuing need to grease up and “Mack on the Harem” proved too much for Henry to tolerate.
Finally, by 1419, Henry had had enough of Todd’s greasy antics and sent him to the far East as a token of good will. When Todd reached Beijing, Todd was quickly taken in by Chinese guards and put on trial for being a “Barbarian Invader ‘Bag.” Emperor Ming the Choadalicious quickly took a liking to young Todd and allowed him one bar wench of his choosing before confining him to the Forbidden City. And so Todd the VII chose Katharine the Hott, pictured here.
Back in England, word of Todd’s bravery quickly spread, and by bravery, the jesters meant douchey. Todd the VII was quickly renamed “Todd the Douche,” and he lived out the rest of his life in the Forbidden City with Catherine the Hott, feasting on mutton, mead and Applebees chicken and ribs takeout.
