Douche Gossage
In hunting hottie/doucheys in the wild, it is rare that we find a red carpet scrote busting three of the prime signifiers of uber douchebaggery.
1. Designer Yankees cap at proper 10 degree tilt that screams club choad.
2. Facial pubes in alternate tri-vag formation.
3. And, of course, the Jesus Bling. Which in this case is Moses Bling.
Chicka looks a little too “pro” which always takes away from my fantasies of innocent librarian hotties violating me in lurid and inappropriate ways somewhere between my Dewey and Decimal.
I haven’t been this shaken since the Nicole Eggert/Corey Haim sex scene in Blown Away.
Yes, I’ve seen Blown Away.
And yes, I may have paused my worn VHS dub on Nicole Eggert’s low-rent Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct moves.
Because, hey. Nicole Eggert.
