The Crush
Remember that crush you had when you were 15? The kind when he or she walked into the room, you’d break out in hot sweats, then cold sweats, then feel like vomiting, passing out, and shoving lit matches into your eyelids? Yup, the 10th grade crush sickness. Like a violent cold flu mixed with arousal. Good times.
Brunette Angel here reminds me of Julie, the girl in my 10th grade math class who inspired sensations of jackhammers in my skull and conga line dancing Hawaiians in my upper intestines every time she walked into the room. I’m still not quite sure if I had a crush on Julie or if she transmitted short-term Ebola Virus. I was either hot for her, or allergic to her. Never did quite figure that out.
So you’ll understand when I see a picture of a hottie who evokes my 10th grade crush getting gang tackled by The Croatian Olympic Swim Team, I might be justified in my early morning alcohol binge.
At least, that’s what I told my shrink.
