Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Hottsie Pop

So how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Hottsie Pop?

Meet Preppy Joe Douche

Looks like the June HCwDB of the Week winner Meet Joe Douche is trying out some new looks for this Fall’s douchelympic Event “The 400 Meter Preppy ‘Bag Toss.”

Although no popped collar on the pink I-Zod? You’re losing your fastball, M.J.D.

I would share pizza on Sunset Blvd with sultry Angelina Jolie hottie while licking salt off her lower back when the waitress wasn’t looking.

D.B.-War

I’ve always had a thing for Asian chicks.

Ever since Tia Carrere’s power chords in Wayne’s World, I’ve been hooked on pho-nics.

Get it? Because “Pho” is a type of Vietnamese beef dish. And pho is from “phonics.”

Hah! I’m clever.

As to D.B War, someone seriously needs to Daniel San his ass while Japanese fans chant for “Rocky” and Ivan Drago looks upset. Wait, I think I’m mixing my 1980s “white movie characters triumphing in foreign countries by proving their superiority and turning the locals into proto-Americans” references again.

And, for what it’s worth, D-War looks amazing.

DJ Poopy Head

Play that funky music, choadwipe.

Shaving one’s chin pubes into the “Eye of Providence,” that creepy cult-like pyramid with the eyeball on the back of the $1 bill, gets mad Freemason cult props. Now all we need is to fold Washington’s face and see if it makes a mushroom.

She is delectable. Like a fine wine. Or a sherpa named Moses.

Perfectly ripened, with a delightful smile that makes transcendental harmonics when gonged. That last sentence sounds like a crude double-entendre, but I meant it simply as poetics as to the spiritual resonance of a nice smile. And boobies I’d like to lather with soap and prepare for the ice age.

A Spanish tamale with extra guacamole. She makes me hungry.

Zip-a-dee-douchebag

(With apologies to Disney and “Song of the South”)

Zip-a-dee-douchebag,
Zip-a-dee-scrote,
My, oh, my, what a smelly old choad.
Plenty of chin pubes,
headin’ my way,
Zip-a-dee-doo-douchebag
zip-a-dee-wanker!

Zip-a-dee-douchebag,
zip-a-dee-tool,
My, oh, my, what a choady ass tool.
Plenty of boobies headin’ his way,
Zip-a-dee-douchebag,
Zip-a-dee-total-and-complete-douchebag!

Chiquita Mandana

EDIT: Got an immediate email to take the pic down, so instead I’ll post the luckiest man on earth.

Is he a ‘bag for the display of one hand gesture?

Hott, hott, hott…. hell yes he’s a ‘bag. Because it’s late, they’re hott, and I’m sitting on my floor staring at the coffee stain from my Americano from the Coffee Bean.

Mmm… Americanos.

The 'Bag Sandwich

Let me get this straight.

On the left, a slice of spiky haired olive loaf.

On the right, dribbling chin facial pubes like he drank form the msterious mythological Greco-Roman challace, Pornstarpubus Grail.

In the middle, a wholesome Georgia peach with two ginormous fake Georgia peaches.

This choad/hott sandwich combo disturbs on too many levels. Is it early enough to start drinking? And since my hangover is still around well after lunch, can I name it Pedro and ask it to pay rent?

Six Flags

Ever go with your friends to Six Flags Magic Mountain, and you’re having a good time and the lines aren’t too long and you’re enjoying a tasty pretzel and soda while waiting on line for Batman: The Ride, when you suddenly realize you stepped in some kid’s spilled, melted, sticky-ass ice-cream goo?

That’s this couple.

A full 100% complete closed circuit of douchey/hottie reverberation and feedback into a cacophonous white noise impenetrable wall of scrotal opacity.

Woe are the hotties who cuddle with the Six Flags Magic Mountain Floor ice-cream.

Extended exposure between both hott and douche polarities, and not even perky boobies can salvage the melted ice-cream goo.

Ricky Gets Down

You go with your bad self, Ricky.

Fan Mail

Raven Hottie writes in:

—-
hi, i’m on this website and i don’t want too be. and i have no idea how i got on here.
please take it down. thank you.

its bag/not a bag. thanksss!
—-

Which I read as:

Hi DB1. I want you.

Then again I could be walking around a lingerie frat party using a broom-stick as a giant phallus substitute. With my underwear showing.

So there’s that.