Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Where's Waldhott?

Somewhere in this gaggle of the worst bar choads this side of Red’s Tube Bar in Hoboken, I’ve carefully hidden an absolutely tasty pre-Bleethed Tara Reid Viva Las Vegas Waldhott.

Look closely.

Can you find her?

Swedouche Meatballs

Inspired by the Swedish ‘bag tag done earlier this week by reader Froggy, Mintz sends us more evidence of scrotebaggery going on in Sweden, this time at an outdoor beer fest.

When the European beer fests are sporting greased up Miami/Jersey clones macking on the automaton hotts, it’s time to raze Dresden again.

And yes, I know Dresden’s not in Sweden. But I read too much Vonnegut in high school. So lets all poteweet their asses. Maybe drop some Ice-9 in Lake Vanern while we’re at it.

PrompaShop Contest

In Monday’s photoshop call for Prompa date submissions, the pics submitted were alternately hilarious, disturbing, and, well, very orange.

But I had to cull down the best ones, and by best I mean greasy and orange. So here they is.

The natural choice was, of course, to set up our little orange friends with Guidette (or “Gudio”), Brianna Frost. Never have I seen a better match.

Then there’s Willy Wonka Prompas. In dresses.

This surreal Prom nightmare comes from legendary ‘bag hunter and comments thread samurai, Baron Von Goolo.

Next up, reader Blue Douche Dongle submits a pic of two strange creatures his girlfriend found on his boat. Throw ’em back, BDD.

Legendary Photoshop Wizard and comments thread regular Pfah, goes the orange road for prom dates. And by orange, he means orange.

Another reader finds out that the The Prompas are Orangemen (literally).

Another example shows that The Prompas found a Bleethberry. Love the Yasmine/Violet concept.

And last but not least, Mother of Squirrel Killer creates a dark, genius and disturbing venture into Kafka Prompa. Otherwise known as “Prompamorphosis.”

Great work and major props to everyone who submitted. We’ll be doing more photoshop contests in the future.

But if you’re sick of the Prompas, reader Douche Boyardee’s Cheese and Bagaroni sends us this clip of Douchepranks Gone Wrong.

The Fig

There’s any number of wrongs in this pic, from the classic hand gesture to the 175 degree hat pulled down tilt (any guess what logo’s on the front of that cap?), the douche face and the confused corn-fed Iowa girl embracing this scrote.

But what’s with the figs on the arm?

Is Tony a fan of Mediterranean fruits?

Crackodile Dundee

PIC DELETED

My Australian readers are becoming experts at ‘bag tagging, and this one comes all the way from Perth.

Meet Mack Dundee. G’day, mate! Pass the ole’ teeth grillz, why dontcha.

Here we have further evidence of the Douche Virus gone global. The Yankee cap at proper 10 Degree Hat Tilt. The mysterious cloth-under-Yankee-Cap. Grillz, bling and stupid buckle. Douche face.

And the slutty Aussie party girl digging the grease.

We’re sorry, world.

Ancient Chinese Proverb

There’s a famous 3rd Century Ming Dynasty Chinese proverb. It says, She who drink too many Smirnoff Ice can not wash away night with douchescrote.

At least I think that’s how it goes. But I feel like something may have been lost in translation.

Wednesday Limerick

There once was a douche named “Coyote,”
He hit the Vegas strip looking scrotey,
He got inked by a pro,
To prove he had dough,
But ended up looking like Truman Capote.

HCwDB of the Week: Zippy

One of the closest three-way votes in a long time.

And by three-way I mean I would rub Upper West Side Lacy Underalls Hott’s calves with melted tuscan butter cremes and a light dusting of cinnamon.

In the end the megahott wattage propelled Bennington Ultimate Frisbee Douche Champion Zippy to the win. As Boobla Kahn explains it:

I’m giving it to Zippy. Is that the S and B on his forehead? Even if not, he’s got all the other markings.

Mostly, though, I’m in this one for the hott. I’d raise marsupials and smuggle counterfit Chips vhs’s from Wellingham to Kookaburra in their pouches for a chance to peel the gum of the bottom of her second grade desk.

Excellent job noting the “Mark of the ‘Bag” on Zippy’s head, Boobla. For those newbies to the site, the Mark of the ‘Bag is when the sheen on a douche’s forehead distinctly resembles a dude’s Shlong-n-Balls.

scare-a-douche agrees:

It was a tough decision, for Scrote Times has a mighty Bleeth, but my conscious demands that I vote for ninja Zippy and his fine, aged in oaken barrels for eight years Higher Scrote.

It was a wise vote, SaD, for they are deserving. But El-douche-orado disagrees, casting in with Scrote Times at Ridgemont’s own Damone:

The guidics just look like normal, stupid, swedish teenagers. Sure, they are the color of Oompa Loompas, but other than that their doucheyness is low. And their hot is the least hot of the bunch. As a comparison, Scrote Times’ hot is slutty hot. Sure, you might be taking penicillin for weeks after being with her, but those 60 seconds of glory in the back stall of the club’s mensroom will be worth it.

60 Seconds of Glory with a bar hott like that is worth many a price, as we all know from experience. But Uncle Wally reminds us all of the scare factor in casting in for our junior ‘baglings, The Guidics:

the guidics. only because the picture scares me. i mean, really scares me.

Scary doesn’t begin to explain the merging of Nordic and Guido in a teenage culture clash of wrong.

And Weisenheimer Brainstorm asks:

Can I write-in Jean-Claude Van Douche, on general principles? Life time achievement award? Senior Tour champion? Anything, Anything, Bueller?

Sure you can, WB. That’s one vote for JCVD for a year end 2008 Douchie Award. Last year we gave one to Alba and her Spermfriend, so I could see Van Douche picking one up this year.

But Zippy and Madison Ave Hott take the prize. As Don explains:

My vote is for Zippy. First, that chick is smoking hot. Whew. I’m not saying she’s the hottest hott that has ever been on this site, but I would not be afraid to put her toe-to-toe with any other hott for the title.

Fourth, that hottie is fantastic! Did you notice that?

Yes. Yes I did, Don.

Zippy and Madison take this week’s crown. Book them a frisbee playing herb smoking ticket in the Monthly. And then mock those stupid sunglasses.

Breaking: Oompa Tribe Discovered in Brazil

Because we’re nothing if not news breakers here at HCwDB, here’s the first photographic evidence of that previously undiscovered tribe they found yesterday in Brazil.

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Uncontacted Tribes Discovered In Brazil

The National Indian Foundation, a government agency in Brazil, took these photos and published them Thursday. According to CNN, “it tracks “uncontacted tribes” — indigenous groups that are thought to have had no contact with outsiders — and seeks to protect them from encroachment.
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Read the rest here.

However what hasn’t been reported is what the Tribe really looks like. Click on the picture above for more details, or click here.

Trainwreckin' in Rehab

Ah yes, The Trainwreck move.

Sometimes known as the Doggie ‘Bag Position.

First coined to symbolize any scrote’s ability to multitask a butt grind while concentrating on other things (a nearby camera, food, Grey Goose bottle as substitute phallus, etc), The Trainwreck was a go-to douchal innovation in late 2007, and won a Douchie Award for its originality.

As with every Trainwreck, there is far too much going on in this pic for mortal minds to comprehend. But I would direct your attention to the Hott Lick. For her tongue is mighty cute.

Nice to see the Rehab Party at the Vegas Hard Rock (aka “Douche Mecca”) is bringing back all the classics in 2008.