Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

The Classic 'Bag Sandwich

You know how those old chrome diners on the interstate feature classic throwback sandwiches to a more innocent time in American history?

Like the Fried Bologna? Or the The Fluffernutter?

The pic featured here is the douchal equivalent. A back to basics staple of the scrotal/boobal diet.

The classic ‘bag sandwich.

Two thin slices of white shirt whitebreads doing dual point grease gesture. Some bling and stupid belts for flavor. A dash of orange tan. A sprinkle of hair gel.

And a confused, possibly Armenian exchange student filling.

Urp.

Pass the Pepto.

Friday Haiku

Group of Circle Jerks,
Orbit hott like ass planets,
Poo Solar System.

Mount St. Douchebag blew
Grease and axe spread far and wide
Much dignity lost.

— crucial head

The Black Hole of Scrote
Douchebaggery is so dense
No hott can escape

— father guido sardouchey

Mr. Snow Miser?
or Rutger Hauer Jr.?
you can make the call…

— johnny scrotten

Kim goes down da shore
Parties with new hardcore band:
System of a Douche

– mr. white

Good Choadlette rocks hard
Then parties with waitresses
Rock music is dead.

— alan hull

Insane Jersey cult
Worships boobs with party hats
Carpet bomb Bayonne

– charles nelson douchely

Reader Mail: Tagging the 'Stalks

Vegasgrrl tags the legendary Wheatstalks:

—-
Hello DB1!

Love,
Vegasgrrl
—-

I sort of like Wheatstalks.

He seems to have a good sense of humor, and although we tend to argue that irono-baggery is still ‘baggery, I’m inclined to give the ‘Stalks a nottadouche and congratulate him on some hilarious hair.

Go in peace, ‘Stalks.

Ted the Bouncer's Day Off

I can’t call ‘bag for the angular features. Nor for the leather jacket in and of itself. Not even for the retro Rocky Balboa porkpie hat.

But Ted the Bouncer, you tweeze your eyebrows. And you’re making the Shocker, whereas true uberscrotes now make the Dirty South Fish Hook.

For that, you fail even at scrotewankery.

I can only imagine the Miami Beach twang on Tracy, but I would still chase a sherpa through the underbrush during monsoon season just for the chance to meditate at the base of the railing where she once rested her tatines after a long and sweaty workout.

Squidward II

Did Janice buff off that “New Scrote” sheen from Squidward since the last pic?

2-Live Carl

Because nothing says “pimp” like cocktails in your uncle’s faux-wood paneled basement in Charlotte, North Carolina, busting the bro-ist Volcom hat since since the last UNC pep rally.

Give it up, Carl. The ladiez really don’t want to see your “gatt.”

Scrote Quiz

This creepy tool in the presence of bottom powdering Waspy Hott can best be described as:

A. An eye makeup applying playdoh golum of uberscrotery

B. A local DJ named “Scooter” whose daily wacky banter on the morning drive compliments the droll sensibilities of the host, “Dr. Dave”

C. The drummer of an early 1990s thrash band who once charted at #72 between the rising Ace of Bace hit, All That She Wants, and the rapidly falling Whoot, There It Is.

D. Robert England’s unemployed younger brother, Douchey England.

E. All of the Above now Put On a Shirt

Squidward

Natural Resources expert Janice finds an innovative solution to the oil crisis.

EDIT: Changed the name to the far more accurate “Squidward” as suggested by Douchey Smirf in the comments thread.

Wednesday Limerick

At the kegger, young Sarah felt a bump,
It came from behind like a lump,
A crimson oldbag,
Who smelled like wet shag,
And thought “how do you do?” meant a groin pump.

Yeah, got nothin’ for the limerick today.

Flush This

Is that a heart pattern shaved into your greased up hair, or are you just glad to see her?

I got nothin’.

Someone flush this away.