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Friday, September 19, 2008
The Ass and I
If Richard Feynman’s theory is correct, that all of matter is created by one electron traveling backwards and forwards through time, then it would stand to follow that I am that ass.
However, the anitmatter on the left is so rank, it couldn’t break down even if it oscillated for a barium half life.
Yup. Incomprehensible physics comments.
It’s all I can make in the presence of a butt moon that sings poetic songs of heroic inspiration.
Friday, September 19, 2008Friday Haiku
What to post, post “Fung?”
MTV Real World Hottness,
And big hair old choad.
guns and roses choad
appetite for douchestruction
gropes sweet child o bleeth
– bcs
Dude, just give it up
“Chinese Democracy” disc
Is never coming.
— mr. white
Lazy-eye douchepimple
Hand way to close to boobies.
Slash would not approve.
– spaz
Buy Hot Topic shirt
Cut holes in shoulder – comb ‘hawk
But he loves Emo.
– crucial head
Rare clear cup appears!
Designer punk hurts my heart.
Faux hawk claim Bewbeez
— holbrooks douchestershire sauce
Friday, September 19, 2008Fung
Too much megadouche overload and not enough clearly visible hott give us a highly unbalanced HCwDB pic.
And by unbalanced, I mean AIYYYEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 18, 2008Ask DB1: 'Bag Hunting Pride
Fish Slap’s Anal Beads writes in:
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Dear DB1,
I’m in a great relationship, my woman is perfect, the farthest thing from a baggette you could imagine. She’s kind, creative and holds a top tier job in a male dominated profession. Not only that, but one of my favorite aspects of my relationship is that we both hate the same things. Call it odd, but I love that my woman loathes ‘mandals!’ And naturally she’s revolted by douche bags, of course she works with more than a few.
With that said she is aware of your site and enjoys it. But I have a quandary…should I come out as a ‘Bag Hunter?’ I’m freaked out at what she’ll think when she realizes that I frequent the myspace pages of these tacky hotts. It’s not like I’m always doing it, but being on myspace makes it sort of hard to avoid. And yes it’s fun in twisted way.
Enough, should I come out to my girlfriend? Should I share the pride I feel when you publish one of my submissions?
-Fish Slap’s Anal Beads
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A true ‘bag hunter admits with pride that he hunts ‘bags for a living, F.S.A.B.
Until you embrace your mission quest, Grasshopper, you have not conquered The ‘Bag Within. Tell her. If she laughs, she is worth keeping. If she complains, she is Bleeth.
Thursday, September 18, 2008Crusty?
Is this… could it be?!
Hall of Scrote legend, The Crustacean?
Still as douchey as ever?
Thursday, September 18, 2008Standard Issue Scrote
I think you get one of these free at the bottom of each box of Doucheios.
But Melissa on the left is on the Volleyball team. And so I would crawl through six inches of Madacascar leech refuse just for the chance to fondle her bobby socks.
On an unrelated note, a Baltimore Weekly jumps on the Douchebag Mocking, with some rather “uncanny” homages to the site.
Thursday, September 18, 2008Sideburn Harry's Night Off
You can take Sideburn Harry out of the clubs, but you can’t take the clubs out of Sideburn Harry.
As to Vanessa, I admire her introspection, groundedness, self awareness, humility and intellectual acumen.
And her boobie grapefruits.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008Ask DB1: The "Jimmy Question"
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DB1-
Last weeks Jimmy Question raises a topic that I’ve been letting swirl around in my brain bowl for quite some time. Are there different language dialects of douche?
I have no idea what the standard douche gesture is communicating to us, but there is some comfort in the familiar and easily genused and speciesed.
On the other hand, I do get excited when I read about some new species of whatever that they find in Madagascar every year or so. Here we have a Double Jimmy with full thumb extension accompanied by a third, even more rare signal.
It’s too much for me to decipher on my own. Thoughts?
– Madame Curie
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Deciphering douchal communication is an ongoing and highly nebulous process, M.C. That being said, sometimes the primitive language can indeed be deciphered quite clearly. Translating the image you’ve provided gives us the following exchange:
Jimmy: I find your style of dress and generally attractive demeanor pleasing to my eye. Would you like to engage in coitus?
Jimmy’s Hott: Yes, I would desire to do so, perferably twice. Thank you for asking.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008Anatomy of a 'Bag Tag
army of doucheness recruits a new ‘bag tagger to the community:
(5:02:51 PM) *help j:-Oe: dude there’s so many douches in my class that its funny
(5:02:58 PM) *help j:-Oe: they should all be on that site
(5:03:31 PM) MG: hahaha
(5:03:41 PM) MG: snap photos of them with hotts and send em in
(5:03:51 PM) *help j:-Oe: oh i will
(5:04:33 PM) *help j:-Oe: tomorrow theres a “law school gala” and the douches will be out, so they’re gonna post all there photos on facebook and i’m gonna take them and post them
(5:04:55 PM) MG: you gotta send em to DB1
(5:05:11 PM) *help j:-Oe: DB1?
(5:05:52 PM) MG: look at the site again
(5:06:02 PM) MG: dont be some lurker, give it the credit it deserves
(5:06:22 PM) MG: it’s not just funny pictures of douchebags man, it’s philosophy
(5:06:55 PM) *help j:-Oe: i’m gonna do it when i get to my apt.
(5:07:02 PM) MG: cool.
(5:07:05 PM) *help j:-Oe: cause peoples dont understand the dbags
(5:08:05 PM) MG: yeah. well you should read the site more thoroughly if you want to be part of the community, I quote Stacey Keech in American History X, “this isn’t some country club you can just waltz in and out of”
And a Tigger Tag no less, nice work, MG.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008Mencken
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
— H.L. Mencken
My country is pooey.
– DB1
