Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Friday Thoughts and Links: Halloween Edition

Some random thoughts as I get my Logan Five Sandman costume ready for Halloween and reflect on King Douchuous the IV (pictured here) and his well deserved place in our hallowed Hall of Scrote.

Future 2008 Douchie winner DJ Bello continues to waste time on YouTube. This time in a Clockwork Orange flat on the outskirts of London, apparently. As usual, no hotts anywhere to be seen.

What is douche?

Ben Baller is the King of ‘Bling. And yes, that’s the same guy that was in Monday’s Double Crosser pic.

Dear Annie: Why does Axe Bodyspray make me sick?

Peyton List. Mad Men may have finished for the season, but you and I have not. You are my twinkie sunshine. Marry me, then divorce me, kitten.

High School Douchical 3! It just makes me want to jump up and sing and dance like an elfin muppet whose testes have yet to drop!

Happy Halloween!!

Ah, Halloween. When hot chicks have a socially approved excuse to dress slutty. And douchebags spend one night blending into the crowd.

Don’t forget, if you or your loved one dress up as a scrotewank/hot-chick combo this Halloween, especially as anyone from our hallowed Hall of Scrote, send in a pic.

I’m giving away a signed copy of my book to the best hottie/douchey Halloween coupling.

I was going to offer a large cash prize. But then I realized the high cost of boobies.

The Scarecrow

Happy Hallowe….!!

Oh wait. This is real.

My Candy Corns feel tainted.

EDIT: Props to don’t wheeze the douche! who figured out that The Scarecrow is actually HCwDB of the Month Winner The Metaphysical Hooligan.

Adding fuel to the fire with yet another pic of Carly Hott, TMH is making a strong case for, dare I say it… HCwDB of the Year?

Czech Please

HCwDB reader Mitchell snapped this pic in The Czech Republic last week.

This is not dress-up. This is an authentic hottie/douchey coupling of uber-annoyance. In Prague.

Oh, how we weep for the land of Bohemia, the birth place of Kafka, Kundera and so many really hot porn stars.

The jewel of Europe, the city on the river where Mozart once premiered Don Giovanni, now features scrotewanks and Bleethed hotts.

Woe. ‘Tis lame. Aye.

Friday Haiku

Boris mugs Elayne,
Brothabag Darren just wants wine,
Laughs at dumb honkies.

Brian Earlicker
Moves on to younger brunette
Leaves her mom behind

— don’t wheeze the douche!

Usher gropes tat hott
Tyson sips his chardonnay
he is unimpressed

— douche mcallister

I will cleanse her bod
Gently, with alcohol wipes,
Then go buckwild

— mr. white

Fair Ophelia
Nymph, thy question ’tis clear, to
Douche, or not to Douche

— jean claude van douche

happy halloween
to my fellow ‘bag slayers.
our work’s important.

– pfah

Fan Mail

Jensen writes in with a parable for us to unscramble:

—-
R you the guy who created this site??? If you are then, how can a guy being photoed with a hot chick not be considered a douchebag??? You and all the motherf@#kers commenting on this site R just jealous that you all cant get hot chicks n stuff. I say change the title 2 “bitches with douchbags” keep things level.
—-

Aha! But whither the projection of the psyche, Jensen?

For, in fact, there are no people in these pictures at all. We have denatured “the real” in our simulacrum. We create our own mirror of absence with which to gaze. As psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan once noted:

As is known, it is in the realm of experience inaugurated by psychoanalysis that we may grasp along what imaginary lines the human organism, in the most intimate recesses of its being, manifests its capture in a symbolic dimension.

This is our symbolic dimension stimulated viscerally, Jensen. The douche and the hott do not in fact exist. The images you see are simply ourselves staring back at us.

And boobies.

Are You Ready for Some Douchebag?

Please select the following football euphemism that best summarizes this photo:

A. Is Licking a 5 yard or 15 yard penalty?

B. The padding on the left could stop a coked up 1970s Dallas Cowboy trying to knock over a liquor store at 2am.

C. When did Jim McMahon convert to Catholicism?

D. This brings new meaning to the term, “forward pass.”

E. I haven’t seen two Bret Farves that were that fantastically Bret Farve since my last girlfriend Bret Farved my Bret Farves.

F. The Immaculate Receptions stand the test of time.

G. I took a fend off my guernsey then chucked a spear tackle to avoid the clanger before the ruckman made a grubber kick in the forward pocket, mate.

H. Boobies.

Gnarles Broccoli

Hahaha… bless your soul.

You really think hair fwip’s in control.

Guy Liner

As seen in yesterday’s pic, Natty McGee, guyliner has officially gone from occasional douchetribute to a full-blown trend. And by full-blown trend, I mean this guy.

If he was any more of a nozzle, he’d flood the club.

Yes, we’ve seen him before on the site. But I can’t remember where, and I’m hung over, so I’m going with it.

Now before you go trashing Kimberly and Kelly for having a bit of that Long Island late 20s on the cusp of morphing into “suburban housemom” status, I’d urge you to reconsider.

Yes, they are not urban hotts. But suburban hotts have their own joys. At least, in silent picture form.

Man Junk Writes In

Last Friday’s link to the Man Junk website brings this email:

—-
Hey buddy,

We have received a lot of traffic from your blog and just wanted to thank you for talking about us on there. I wanted to send you out a bottle of our product if you’re interested.

Let me know, hope your week is going well.

Thanks, joe rowett
—-

Should I sample the product in the interests of research?

Or would I be recklessly engaging in drunken teleportation like Seth Brundle in The Fly?

Would I come out of the douchal telepod alive?