Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

HCwDB of the Week: The Last Dragon

There were some that complained that this was a lesser week for the Hott/Douche.

I disagree.

The Dragon’s nose tentacles are a new douchal innovation. Gerta is firm, Norweigan IKEA knuckle wrapping, sexually repressed, dysfunction. Together, they make poo. the often present anonymous explains:

The Last Dragon, whose ominous neck scar indicates a Terminator hides behind that synthetic human skin and bloodied V-neck. A metrosexual Terminator, with course hair like a 10 year old “Real hair!” GI Joe doll discovered while emptying the garage, next to an oil painting of William Howard Taft, who would also disapprove and vote Dragon FTW.

Well put, TOPA. And yes, William Howard Taft did indeed vote Last Dragon. Other thoughts:

massengill: In the Spirit of Halloween, I’ve got to give it to The Last Dragon. He looks like the love child of SisQo and the Bride of Frankenstein.

senor budd: The Last Dragon should be disturbing to all who gaze upon it.

rock-n-rool-douchie-pooooooooo: Gotta be Last Dragon FTW. Grecian Formula’s supposed to make your hair DARKER, isn’t it? You used the wrong stuff, idiot!

vinny scumbaglia: Oh yes, your Snot Fu is strong, although your hott is lacking, this is a photographic singularity that might just be able to go a few rounds in the monthly, and by rounds I mean a few rounds from the chamber of Acey Douchey’s roscoe.

crucial head: The Last Dragon looks like a giant fecal log being squeezed out of a polar bear’s rectum. As if polar bears didn’t have enough to worry about.

badvlad: I have to vote for Scrotegun. His hairhelmet, which appears to be formed from some impervious gray miracle polymer and the flames emitting from his notril make for a truly disturbing sight.

archidouchies: Is he the baddest douche in the club? ‘Sho Nuff! Is he the scummiest platinum-headed laser snotter this side of the Mississippi? ‘Sho Nuff!

mr. biggs: Last Dragon, whose smirk forces all lightheartedness out of the picture as he claims his territory to the world. Meanwhile, hott’s engagement in this photo is undeniable. Their hips are locked together in a hopelessness that rivals Christ’s crucifixion, and hott’s gaze is just screaming “daddy I’ll date who I want and you can’t do anything about it.” I’d like to see that look in a few years.

Well argued, round table. Coming in second was the ragin’ crawfish, Crawdaddy. miss muffin explains:

The last dragon just doesn’t seem pouty of whiny enough. When I first saw his picture, I felt sorry for him, because I thought he was a grey haired survivor of neck surgery, with blood still on his shirt. His girl is the hottest of the three contestants, but even his vicious stare cannot make him douchier than Crawdaddy.

and bluefish makes the case for the stool squeezing Iggy Plop:

I have to give it to Iggy, because if I don’t, he will finish the ancient sigil slowly being inked in on his arm and an ancient unspeakable monstrosity will rise from the depths of the uncharted ocean and eat my brain.

Also, his woman is damn fine, in that crazy post-punk barely-dressed kind of way. And that’s a great way to be fine.

It is true that if that tatt gets finished, The Mist will envelop a supermarket in rural Maine. but anonymous puts it best:

2 and 3 are pretenders…the last dragon has everything we have come to expect from weekly winners: ridiculous hair, stupid shirt, lame wrist accessory, and, of course, unwarranted domination of an innocent hot.

True. So true. The Last Dragon wins the vote. But enough to beat out Samurai Scrote in the Monthly? We shall see.

HCwDB 2.0 on Hold

Well, the long in negotiation investor group that was going to put some serious coin into HCwDB and build this site out fell through last week. We can thank the Belvedere ordering assclowns on Wall Street.

I’d hoped to build out a larger playground for both casual visitors and regulars to play with pics in our sand simulacrum, but no such luck.

So back to me and my sad-ass tech skills holding the site together with spit n’ twine. And boobies. Lots and lots of boobies.

However, now’s a good time to ask, if you could add anything to the site, what would it be? What direction would you like HCwDB to head in? Creative thoughts? Tools? Functionality? A Slap the Grieco Flash game?

Drop a suggestion or advice in the comments thread, or email me and let me know your thoughts.

The Grafitti 'Bag

Here’s the thing.

It’s not 1988. New York urban blight doesn’t justify a form of street poetry expression on subway cars as a statement on corporate greed and city neglect.

Grafitti artists are now displayed in the Guggenheim and the Whitney.

Give it up, Rico. We know you’re just busting the spray cans to get to paint Jenna’s supple thighs. Which is… actually a really good strategy.

But your Yankee cap is still douche.

Straight Up Now Tell Me

At what point in 2008 did ‘Bag Adouchrements cross over to start resembling Paula Abdul circa 1989?

And is bronze doll on the right a sexy Scarlett Johanssen type, or the woman killed in Goldfinger?

Although them boobies are poppin’ fresh, thats a bit too much shine for me.

Oh who’m I kidding. I’d wrap them in tinfoil and sautee with a light garlic butter creme.

Caption This Pic

The San Diego Zoo’s latest themed exhibit, “Ass Munch Hotts and Greasebags,” proved an immediate hit.

Fung for President!

Look who’s entering presidential politics!

HCwDB reader and Fung Party National Chairperson James Scrotville captured this pic on his way to work this morning.

That’s none other than Fung, running on the “Orange First” campaign ticket. Fung also advocates federal funding for eyebrow tweasing, a voucher program for chest shaves, and a Federally mandated, tiered, bling taxation system.

Fung wants your vote.

Fung for Mayor

Where's Waldouche Head?

Somewhere in this pic of Last Call Drunk Hott, I’ve carefully hidden a Waldouche Head.

Can you find it?

The Jonas Effect

You know what would have a certain poetic symmetry? If the Jonas Brothers covered Mmm… Bop.

The Kreep

I haven’t seen a tall, hulking monstrosity weirding me out like this since that creepy wraith went nuts and killed Gabriel Byrne in Michael Mann’s The Keep on late night cable last month.

What? Too obscure?

Tighty Armani is Amped Up and Armpitty

HCwDB of the Month winner Tighty Armani knows who he’s voting for in the Weekly. Have you voted yet?

Yes, T.A. is ready to mack on some hotties at the 2008 Douchies in December.

But the odds are long. Early oddsmakers have Droopy McScrote at 2:1, with Bra!! at 4:1, Deathtongue at 6:1 and T.A. only at 10:1. One dark horse to split the vote is The Metaphysical Hooligan.

But what about Mooby? Can Man Boobs earn a Douchie? Gabehcuod? Acey Douchey?

And will Samurai Scrote snag one of the final spots?

Yes, I’m hyping the Douchies like a new show on Fox. Because I’m out of Cocoa Puffs and had to eat fruit cocktail for breakfast.