Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Caption This Pic

Shuffling through the well over a hundred Halloween HCwDB pics submitted and eatin’ my Apple Jacks. In the meantime, here’s a Caption This Pic:

Kendra couldn’t tell what was making her more uncomfortable, Tony’s cassette belt-buckle, or the dog that kept sniffing her bumper.

Donkey Douche Forever

Let us not forget those hallowed Hottie/Douchey couples whose template, nay, archetype, establishes all that comes after it. Donkey Douche and his Persian Minx were one of the first breakout doucherstar couplings on this site in 2007.

Is the D.D. beginning to look like Sam Rockwell mated with a tangerine? Perhaps.

But while the Donkster’s body may sag with age, his Cheetos Glow will never stop. Ever.

Not for a thousand years.

Chupacabro

Someone call the National Enquirer!

We’ve tagged ourselves the legendary Chupacabro.

Known for sneaking around small South American villages and giving the goats fauxhawks, the Chupacabro is the stuff of legend.

Douche legend.

3:10 To Pooma

Oh pouty Mamacita. Life has been hard in the dusty plains of the old west.

I know your mule has been giving you trouble, and the Sheriff runs roughshod over the townsfolk.

But must you ride into town and take up with two oily chest displaying douchewanks?

Surely there are better options.

Superdana

How does a Mandana go up that high? Is it even physically possible? Or is this a Criss Angel Mindfreak?

Does a sagging 42 year old clinging to faded memories about his “slammin'” youth back in the late 80s really hide the corporeal decay through use of a giant swath of head cloth? Uhm, no. No he doesn’t.

But even more importantly, boobies.

Large, firm, round, tatines that sing gospel hymns of tabernacle choir and shake like jello after you add too much water and didn’t freeze it long enough.

Yup.

The DB1 is in a post-election haze. All is right with the world. And the Apple Jacks are sugary.

HCwDB of the Week: Brian Earlicker

So who won the election?

What? Geez, you’d think there was another election that happened somewhere. Lets stick to priorities people. Mocking ‘bags and staring at boobs.

gold5: Brian Earlicker FTW. Dragon Fist isn’t so bad (he’s just a short guy tryin to make it in the world) and the other two are wanna-bes who haven’t flowered into full douche-dom yet. It’s no contest really.

chris in ‘baghdad: they’re all swine, every one of them. but as an old Denver Broncos fan from the ’70s, I gotta go with Lila’s (artificial) Alzadoes

jonathan: Look, up in the sky. It’s a snake-style kiss attack. It’s a playboy bunny mocking a tiny package. It’s EARLICKER FTW!!!

douchey mcdouche: I struggled with this one, but in the end it’s Earlicker based on a gut reaction. And by “gut reaction” I mean nausea.

tristan: Gotta be ear licker, the ear lick move while wearing a rosary is complete douche.

monty: LILA ALZADOES!

marita: i’ve decided that because of the rosary, brian gonna have to get my vote. this means that leagues of zealous catholics want him tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered, and burned at the stake. im the most cynical catholic I know and it even makes me want to uppercut a woodland creature.

Ol’ Bag: Earlicker is pure douche. Lila looks as if she is choking back down a little vomit…would that she would have spewed it on him just as the pic was taken. If she is the mom to the chick in the Haiku pic….I’ll stick with the mom.

But Fist of Power also felt the wrath of voters confused by the shirt-tatt and Fist of, well, power.

Charles Nelson Douchely: Fist of power. Mainly due to the fact he likely purchased that shirt to tide him over until he get get the actual tattoo that looks just like that.

And the nicker brings smart voting strategy into play:

Earlicker’s going to win, so I’m voting for 2nd place, and I’m taking the homies. That picture angers me like nothing in the past few weeks . . .

And rumpelscroteskin agrees:

I like the Earlicker and Lila, but I’ve seen the tongue move before. Not very new. She looks great.

I give my vote to the HOMIES, but only because of that sensational brunette hottie, who has to be the best looking gal of the bunch. And what is that fellow doing with shaved armpits? Hasn’t he ever heard of a shower and Old Spice?

Well said, and props to every voter who did their patriotic duty this election season and stepped up to vote with the Yin/Yang polarities of lust and rage for a hott/douche.

I’ll turn it over to Darksock for the final vote on this, the day after election day:

Earlicker/Boobies. If only the Republicans had run on that ticket there would be 50 red states tomorrow.

And by red I mean brown.

And really, does it matter who won the President or Senate races? Well, yes. It does. But the 2008 Douchies are next month.

There is douche-mocking to be done.

Halloween Contest

I’ve been absolutely flooded with some of the most hilarious Hot Chick with Douchebag Halloween combos, and I’m just trying to go through them all right now, so stay tuned for the winner of the contest on Thursday.

I’ll also post a top 10 (20?) Finalists, so everyone can enjoy the absolutely genius creativity at work in these costumes. Just hilarious.

Great work, people. I’m honored and humbled that the spewey/boobies combos of so many HCwDB pics could inspire so many great Halloween getups.

Pooistas

Sadly, this pic is not from Halloween. It is real.

In fact, The remaining members of The Who just got together to cut a new song, The Kids Are All Poo.

Hanna-Barbera is re-releasing their classic kid’s cartoon, Scooby Poo.

Disney is prepping a new summer kids film, Winnie the Poo.

Their favorite Hollywood actress is Lucy Piu.

Every time The Bodyguard plays on HBO, they cry when Whitney Houston sings I Will Always Love Poo.

When they go to the bathroom, they crap.

Watch Closely

You almost got a nottadouche pass in spite of the goofy shirt with Jesus bling shoulder pads and hair fwip, Brad.

Yes you’re mugging sweet, innocent, shoulder suckle worthy Michella. But you don’t seem so bad.

But then you had to go and get a watch the size of Kentucky. And top it off with a thumb-ring chaser.

Sorry bub. Yerradouche.

Licky Douchiano

Ah! I see you are signing your ability to perform acts with a female of fertile disposition, Licky. How clever.

Now let me articulate my response: (hands making the shape of poo)

Blonde’s hypostare just got me to quit smoking. She has the erotic plumage of a tigress on the hunt. I would take her chihuahuas for a walk in Beverly Hills every morning at 5am just for the chance to be cut out of the will by her angry oil baron father, “Shooter.”