Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Where's Waldouche? Nub Edition

Somewhere in this lineup of sultry, tasty Pink Sorority Champagne Hotts, I’ve carefully hidden a Nub.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Friday Haiku

Ed Hardy’s Turd Squat,
Grabs lime green Hoochie Hotma,
Who just quit Denny’s.

After school lets out
Shop teacher dresses up “cool”
Tries to lathe some skanks

— Mr. White

takes short bus to club,
not a pro like donkey douche,
nice toeless kneesocks.

– ‘bag lanta

Now that it’s harvest
Let’s turn this ‘bag upside down
And use for a plow.

— Crucial Head

his neck has vanished
replaced by excessive chin
she is soylent green

— paper or plastic?

It took him all day
To blow up his new sex doll
He still got turned down

– plinky

Snickers McFlurry

—-
Hi DB1,

Ciao,
Bad Kitty
Newport Beach
—-

Here you go. One HCwDB Snickers McFlurry.

To go.

The Douchestral Cycle II

From D.C.’s MySpace page:

—-
“Well…well..well… the pictures on this page.. just about sum it up for my intrests…………..there is a reason that my ancestors wrote the kama sutra…….ha ha ha…for those of you that are did not get it….going out..having fun…the pursuit of life….liberty and fun…….thats my intrests.”
—-

As Homi Bhabha observes, Western frameworks of colonialism fractured notions of the self among the occupied, yet maintained a complexity of interplay outside of reductive binaries. This cultural hierarchy utilized narratives to impose erasure, but also opened space for subaltern ideological challenge.

Or, to put it another way, his douchitude is the active response of reclaimation of the self utilizing the douchal tropes of the “other.”

That being said, even Gandhi knows this guy is a huge water sack of poo.

The Blob II: Jerz Ooze

I always had a huge thing for actress Shawnee Smith since I saw her in the genius that was The Blob remake when I was a kid back in 1988.

This is not Shawnee. But she brings back fond memories, and with a dash of Andie McDowell. Nice.

And he is classic Jerz Ooze. Creepy. Bubbly. With a vague scent of Aqua Velva mixing with week old sweatsock.

Breaking: Marissa Miller Turning into Douchebaguette

We’ve been tracking the celeb HCwDB pairing of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model Marissa Miller and her husband, Ass Pimple, on the site for awhile now, as seen here, here and here.

This is a tragic warning as to what happens when hott commingles near faux-scrote for any extended length of time.

That being said, I’d brave the talons of a pen of hungry chickens in outer Montana just for the chance to briefly fondle the used kleenex left behind by her temperamental rural cousin, Gertrude.

The 2008 Douchies: The Nominees Are…

The 2008 Douchies are coming. December 8th.

Still a couple of weeks away. But here’s where I need your help.

The Douchies work over a two week period. Each day a different category is voted on, while the Monthly finalists are broken up into sub-finals groups of three each. The three sub-group winners go on to the final vote, HCwDB of the Year.

But the other categories still need nominees. That’s where you come in.

Help me narrow down the field and sort out the hott-wheat from the douche-chaff. Here’s the current list of categories in which nominees are still open:

Hottest Hott
Best Golden Globes
Smells Like Poo
Most Expensive First Date Hott
Douchiest Hair
Douchiest Facial Expression
Most Annoying ‘Bagling
The Ricky (aka “Douchiest Everybag”)
Greatest Crisis of Modernity
Hottest Girl-Next-Door Hott
Most Innovative New ‘Bag Maneuver
Most Likely to be Part of the Permanent Collection of the Guggenheim in 2023
Clearest Proof of Natural Selection
Best ‘Bag Hunter of the Year (Comments Threads)
Best ‘Bag Huntress of the Year (Comments Threads)
Douchiest TV Show of the Year
Douchiest HCwDB Celebrity Couple of the Year

Help me out. Which pics deserve recognition? And by recognition, I mean spew.

List your nominees in the comments threads. Or if you need more time, return to this thread when you have time to sort through.

I’ll be taking suggestions right up until we start. And what a glorious, half-drunk Awards Show this will be.

Sir Sucks-a-Lot

There so much wrong in this pic of Sir Sucks-a-Lot mugging a Taylor Dayne cutie, one hardly knows where to begin.

But lets start with that tie.

Ask DB1: Dating a Bleeth

—-
Dear DB1,

LL E-Dogg
—
Whether or not to attempt to pull a hott back from the dark descent into douchescrotewankpooery must be determined on a case by case basis, LLED.

Certain permutations offer hope. For instance, if she flashes gang signs but has not yet started to make sneery facial gestures, there is potential redemption. But if she wears giant D&G sunglasses, snaps gum, and screams “Wooo!” whenever she hears a Katy Perry song, there is no hope and you must move on.

Caption This Pic

Dad, would you mind if we skipped Parents Day on campus this semester?