Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Hypothetical HCwDB of the Week: Hate Assberry

While we didn’t do a Weekly vote this week, I think it’s a safe bet that Hate Assberry and his variety of PTP bar hotts would’ve had a solid shot at winning.

Note the sleeveless white dress shirt Hate’s bustin’ out while Kanye sings on the teevee.

They also found the actor cast to play “Young Ponch” in the J.J. Abrams directed “CHiPs” reboot.

Blondie is trampy sexy in all the right ways. She probably speaks in an annoying nasal voice, but I would suffer through her vague plans to go back to technical school just for the opportunity to stare at her boobs while she fiddled with her Long Island Iced Tea straw.

The Point

There’s a point to this picture, I just can’t figure out what it is.

Haha, because point means… ah nevermind.

I’m getting a coffee.

Tonguey McCooties

Okay, we need a chaser after that five part shower mugging. So here’s Tonguey McCooties.

Yeah, I know. Not the cleverest name. But I just had three PBRs and half a box of Lil’ Debbie Snack Cakes. So bear with.

I loved that hair the first time around. When it was killing hot chicks in Creepshow II.

Oh sweet Mamacita.

Beware the Tongue Cooties.

Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 5

Properly inebriated, the Alpha Doucheclown maneuvers Green Bikini Hott into an underpass, where boob nuzzling can occur.

And a nation weeps.

Another HCwDB coupling has found union.

And yet, we can find redress for our grievance.

By mocking.

Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 4

Alone at last, Alpha Doucheclown moves in for the bite. Notice the mandana still perfectly in place.

GBH seems drunk and confused. Her resistance is down…

Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 3

Post-showered yet pre-bodysprayed, the Doucheclowns prance about, circling their prey.

Note Beta Doucheclown makes his kissy move, while Green Bikini Hott displays her perfectly formed humpty hump.

Alpha Doucheclown watches nervously, warily holding onto GBH’s wrist to prevent too much bumper display in front of Beta ‘Bag.

What will happen in Part 4?…

Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 2

Part 2 reveals the scrum growing tighter. Baseball cap is now in the shower, as the hats tilt back, the hand gestures grow more faux-gangsta, and one clown moves in for the ass-bite.

Ass-bite Doucheclown is the Alpha ‘Bag.

In Part 3, while the Beta ‘Bags become distracted, Alpha Doucheclown will move in for the kill…

Doucheclowns in the Shower, Pt. 1

Part 1 of a five part series examining the primitive natural habitats of doucheclowns on the hunt of a green bikini hott.

Notice the key givaways as the douchescrum gathers:

1. Shaved pits on ‘bags
2. Giant mandanas in the shower
3. Drunk hotts in state of confusion

Up next: How the scrotewanks position themselves groin-first towards Green Bikini Hott…

Xenu Laughs at You

Alien taint warlord from the planet Alpha Scroturion Five, HCwDB legend, Xenu, laughs at mere mortals who attempt to douche it up in the presence of a hot.

Only Xenu can pollute the boobie hottie suckle thigh with transcendental clarity tests and weird auditing classes, and while wearing a silk dickie.

Heidi and the Orange Popsicle

Note the Popsicle’s tentative “hang loose” gesture.” There is an awkwardness to his gait. As if he is trying on the California Douche, yet hasn’t learned to evoke the higher portents of scrotal taint.

Meanwhile, Heidi has transitioned into her late 20s early young MILF stage with firm thighs and sunny disposition.

She would discipline me with a fly swatter and a large vat of warm Crisco, and then whip up some french toast for breakfast the next morning.