Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Suburban White Thugz 4 Eva

You go with your bad self, Brandon. The streets of Westport, Connecticut now know who’s bad. You. You bad.

Poor tiny Susan.

Slightly perplexed. Wondering if cut-off Daisy Dukes are really as gangsta as Brandon keeps telling her they are.

Friday Haiku

Hate Assberry hopes,
Tatts will bring the record deal.
Mom didn’t hug much.

You may stroke my hair
Even fondle my hottness
Just kill that damn smell

— the desert douchehunter

Henna tattoos are
Sometimes cool to look at but
Not when it’s on poo.

— Holbrooks Douchestershire Sauce

hate is a strong word
but in this case, i say that
hate is a big turd

— bcs

Hate is the feeling
I feel for this tattooed douche
Fathers, hide your daughters

— the douche abides

Ian Curtis Lite
Starts a famous cover band
Soy Milk Division

— mr. white

Failed at Pizza Hut,
So off to the tattoo parlor
and bass guitar store.

— darksock

The Presidential Shocker

Two in the Bush, one in the Cheney.

Hate Assberry

You can just see the look in Kimmy’s eyes.

That faint flicker of nausea that says, “It sucks being Paid to Pose with tatted up assclowns, but it still beats working at Hooters.”

I hear ya, Kimmy.

I hear ya.

Sea Swamp

I stepped in a sea swamp of smashpooery. A slimy, slippy surging tidal flood of wankscrotiforousness.

Mandanas and tatts absconding with the last vestiges of my humanity.

Lost Bleethed hotts drifting on the solar winds in search of habitat.

Alas amidst the Woo Hotties lost to the rejects from the casting call for Saved By The Bell: The Unemployed Years, I spy a shoulder.

A shoulder of suckle-worthy suckle-worthiness.

And even Thumbs Up Kissy Mouth couldn’t swamp the sea ever-more.

For shoulder suckle is like boobie hottie suckle thigh.

It provides hope in a sea of anemone pee.

Twinbags Ride On

PIC DELETED

Ah yes. The legendary Twin ‘Bags.

Limo riding crusaders for all that is identically scrote.

We’ve seen many other douchal zygote splits (both literal and figurative) on the site. Last month’s Flame Twins. The Finger Twins. Hall of Scrote legends, The Stereodouchtonic Twins. The Fungus Twins. The Canker Twins and Twin Kravitz.

While we’re at it, lets not forget the classic discobag twins, The BeeGees.

And Jeremy Irons and Jeremy Irons in Dead Ringers. Yeah, I’m going with Cronenberg references again. Because it’s Thursday. I’m out of PBR. I just drank a Capri Sun box drink that’s been in my fridge for over a year. It’s sunny. And my carpet smells like Cheetos.

Caption This Pic

When Antranik told Jenny and Suzie he wanted to “teach them some Armenian hand gestures,” they smiled, and nodded politely.

The Furry Furry Douchewank

Oh Furry Furry clownish, Furry Furry D,
You really should be an ass kickee,
With hand gesture annoying, a wannabe O.G,
And smug punchable douche face, I fart at thee.

Oh Pouty Brunette with pokey pale Cleavite,
And an awkward best friend, with a slight overbite,
I’d buy you a lemon drop, and listen to your plight,
And then rub talcum powder on your kneecaps in a soft, yet awkward, counter-clockwise motion.

Foglizard's "Douchebags"

A band called Foglizard has put together just about the greatest stoner tribute song/video in honor of the site I could hope for.

Well done, boys. I have only one question. Whither the hott chick? Surely she earns a lyric or two for her poor life choices.

Scrotology in America II

The greatness of America lies not in being more enlightened than any other nation, but rather in her ability to mock the hell out of t-shirt tatt wearing self-picture taking choadwanks.

— Alexis de Tocqueville, 1835