Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Joey Porsche is Ready for The 2008 Douchies

2007 winner of the coveted HCwDB of the Year, the one and only Joey Porsche, wanted to drop by and say “yo” as we gear up for the 2008 Douchies.

As with the Green Jacket at the Masters, JP and his Long Island hotts are ready to hand off their mantle to a new winning couple in a few weeks.

Since winning the coveted HCwDBotY, JP has been busy making appearances at trailer parties, enjoying tasty salads with champagne while shirtless and scratching his armpit, hangin’with his boyz and a 40 in near someone else’s Bentley, macking on a local runaway teen with his best friend “Lips”, and, of course, romancing the Jerz Hotts in his new Gabanna.

Because that’s how Joey Porsche rolls.

God is Dead

So let me get this straight, Herpie. You tattoo “God’s Creation, 9-5-85” on your shaved pec, presumably your birth date. Then you get a drunk, confused, possibly feral hott to pull down your D-Neck to reveal it for the camera, while you gaze creepily at her chin.

This is uber-douche on so many intersecting levels of reality, I may just start drinking before noon.

No More Ears McDonald

Roxanna Hott writes in:

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Yes i am in the picture ! I am the girl in the Ears McDonald! Someone told me about your site and i freaked out! He is not my boyfriend and i do not appreciate people who do not know anything about me making rude, incorrect comments about my intelligence. Every single one of them should get a life.

Take it down please. It said it was posted today. It is on the very first page when you pull the site up.
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Of course, but knowing that Ears was only getting a grope for the picture brings a rainbow of joy to an otherwise dreary Wednesday. And do not listen to one or two postings in the comments thread, for they appreciate the suckle thigh as much as I do.

So instead, here’s a pic of a Hoverbag you want to slap with a dead varmint, getting flipped off by two fans of the site (who sent it in).

Reader Mail: Baudrillard Gets You Ass

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DB1-

Paul, Brooklyn
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Interesting theory, Paul. Perhaps I should reveal that I am just as douchey as those I make fun of. Hmm. Let me think of a moniker to reveal that concept.

This point reminds me of the time Archimedes led off the Greek attack to win the Philosopher’s World Cup.

Yeah, I just made a Monty Python link reference. That doesn’t make me nerdy.

It makes me awesome.

Son of Cro' Bagnon

2007 Douchie winner and Hall of Scrote legend, Cro ‘Bagnon, has produced spawn.

Meet: Son of Cro ‘Bagnon.

Not quite as hilarious as the real thing. But still oh so greasy douchey.

Beware! Cro ‘Bagnon and Son of Cro ‘Bagnon crush hotts between their greasy torsos.

The smell of Tag Bodyshots overwhelms the hott… and the ‘Bagnons… SMASH!!

Trader Poo

So the other day I’m in line at Trader Joes, stocking up on some Joe-Joe’s and some Italian Blood Orange Soda, when it hits me.

“Excuse me,” I said to the cashier. A teenage kid.

“Yes?”

“Maybe Douche Poo attracts hott swarms because it invokes the conquistador myth?”

“What’s that?” he asked, ringing up my Joe-Joe’s.

“The conquering hero/barbarian operting outside of societal norm. Manifest Destiny?”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” he replied, ringing up my chocolate Altoids. I tried again.

“It’s a theory that just occurred to me. Maybe Douche Poo codes itself as warrior/settler rather than simply greased up choad.”

“Yo, is this a question about the Two Buck Chuck? Because we’re all out.”

“No, I’m talking about the Douche Poo.”

“I don’t think we stock any Douche Poo, but I can check with my manager.”

He finished bagging up my supplies. I took the paper bag of my newly replenished cookie supply.

“Never mind.”

I walked out into the hazy Los Angeles smog.

Perhaps the idea hadn’t fully congealed. I would have to go home and contemplate it some more over mullberry mine and vittles.

Tag This 'Bag

Sweaterbag? Captain Furk?

Lets play “Name this ‘Bag” in the comments threads. Come up with your best ‘bag tag, and post it in the thread, and the winner will, uhm, on his death bed achieve total consciousness.

Hmm… Maybe I’ll get dad a sweater for the holidays.

EDIT: Your Winners:

WINNER: “Carpetbagger” — Doctor Douchelittle (and first post too!)
1st RUNNER UP: “Captain and Toenail” — Turdacious/Vin Douchal
2nd RUNNER UP: “Adm. Chesthair Nimitz” — Anonymous
3rd RUNNER UP: “Captain Feral Boobing” — Zen Wizard

Where's Bra!!?: Halloween Edition

Somewhere in this lineup of Halloween collegians, I’ve carefully hidden a Star Tatted Caveman who loves tasty cola beverages and the Supreme Court.

Look closely.

Can you find him?

Greasy Gavin

I have nothing clever to add about watching Greasy Gavin mack on cute girl-next-door Penelope, other than to say it rends my soul like an ornery rhino on goofballs.

Caption This Pic

“If I pose for one more picture with “Rockstar Dave,” will he finally buy me that Lemon Drop?”