Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

'Tis the Season to be Pooey

Fa la la la la, la la la, bra!

While Homeless Hawk isn’t the worst we’ve seen, Madeline Kahn Elf definitely revs my motor in a motorboatin’ sumabitch sorta way.

It’s a quiet afternoon for the DB1. Most think of their families during this holiday season. But not me. I think of boobies and cheap sugar-wines.

Pimp Santa

Pimp Santa says Merry Christmas!

Because ’tis the season not be fooled by douches undercover. Underneath Pimp Santa’s seasonal holiday irony is genuine scrotal taint.

But I still want to liberate Sarah Elf. With my teeth. Using only a wrench, a plastic Doctor Who “Face of Boe” action figure, and a small jar of gherkins.

Putting the "Orange" in Orange County

Where’s Peter Gallagher and Adam Brody to make ironic MySpace cracks when you need them?

Mugs Over Miami

I’m blowing away that last pic, Ron’s Bag Tag, because the commenters were right. That was a whole lotta notta.

Instead, here’s Mugs and Bugs.

I get that Mugs and Bugs like to dress up and hit the Miami party scene together. But matching glasses and identical frost tipped hair are a giant plate of poo.

Jenna and Suzie smile and laugh uncomfortably. Someone’s going to have to fight off a forceful tongue kiss by the bathroom in about twenty minutes with a pleading, “C’mon!… lets get back to the dance floor! My friend is waiting for me!”

Indeed she is, Jenna.

Indeed she is.

Tiny Annabelle Gets Swamped

When Tiny Annabelle entered the douche scrum, the lesser ‘bags could only hover, making impotent hand gestures.

Only the Stegosaurusbag had the confidence to approach. And make the highly original “Shocker.”

Won’t somebody save Tiny Annabelle on this, the day before Christmas ‘Eve?

And by save, I mean lick her lower calf area like an angry lemur hopped up on cough syrup.

Curiously Wrong

PIC DELETED

Something tells me the new Altoids ad campaign isn’t going to catch on.

Utica has a 'Bag Problem

Yikes.

Because nothing says “Rockin’ Club” like restoring a vintage colonial house.

People of Utica, you have my sympathies. Now pass me the bar wench, with a shot of Petron.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttchin

There is poetic tragedy, and cultural metaphor rendered in subtextual thematics, when your orange tan and frost tips age in reverse.

Where's Waldouche? Lucky Fratpunk Edition

Somewhere in this lineup of delightful top shelf quality Sorority Butt, I’ve carefully hidden not one, but two, generic Fratpunks.

Look closely.

Can you “Bro'” them?

Head Injury Hal

This pic of Head Injury Hal is like one of those “circle the errors” in Highlights Magazine when we were kids.

I can see the hairsplosion, the hint of stomach tatt, the UDT (Unearned Dog Tags), the hipster gas station coat, the confused, long-tongued hotts, and is that an eyebrow shave?

Speaking of the genius that was Highlights Magazine, whatever happened to Goofus and Gallant?

Goofus may have been the obvious future douche, but Gallant had his own set of anal-retentive prepster ‘bag issues. Both those kids were doomed to a life of dysfunction and years of therapy.