Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Günther Says “Hola Hola”

For all of you freezing your ass off tonight, here’s some Günther to keep you warm.

This guy cracks me the hell up. Here’s where irono-baggery crosses over into genius.

Günther Says "Hola Hola"

For all of you freezing your ass off tonight, here’s some Günther to keep you warm.

This guy cracks me the hell up. Here’s where irono-baggery crosses over into genius.

Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Mandana

Not since the evil Morlock pursued the innocent Eloi through late 1950s Eisenhower era futurism have the hotts been so savaged by orange scrote-monsters.

And twin scrote-monsters no less.

With matching jumpsuits.

And drawstrings.

And poo-face.

Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Mandana

Not since the evil Morlock pursued the innocent Eloi through late 1950s Eisenhower era futurism have the hotts been so savaged by orange scrote-monsters.

And twin scrote-monsters no less.

With matching jumpsuits.

And drawstrings.

And poo-face.

Wednesday Limerick

“Hey yo, you girls wanna feel my pecs?”
Asked Tony to two Au Pair Czechs,
“Uhm, no.” Said the Brunette.
“For you smell like Crepes Suzette.
But we’ll flirt with you if you buy us a Becks.”

Hall of Hott: Nomination Day

Today is the day we induct our 2009 “Class of Ten” into our Hall of Hott.

Each of the following voters gets one, and only one, selection to submit to the HoH:

Ashfish, Mr. White, Douche Vader, bcs, creature, Troy Tempest, Crucial Head, d. baggins v2.0, Don’t wheeze the douche! and Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer.

If you are one of these ‘Bag Hunters or Huntresses who has performed heroically searching the archives for hott, make your selection in the comments thread by picking one, and only one, Boobie Hottie Suckle Thigh, to gain entry. If you already made your choice in a past thread, put it again here. Because I’se hung over.

And… boobies.

Start now.

Frankie’s Thumb

It’s one thing to have a muscled up uber-squat dressed only in four leaf clover boxers doing the Scrote Dance in your kitchen next to your zero degree freezer.

It’s another to have Pam, the tiny hott who works part time at Baja Fresh while finishing her mail-order nursing degree, getting in on the action after too many margaritas.

But to get your thumb in front of the camera when taking the pic?

Come on now, Frankie. At least use the middle finger.

Frankie's Thumb

It’s one thing to have a muscled up uber-squat dressed only in four leaf clover boxers doing the Scrote Dance in your kitchen next to your zero degree freezer.

It’s another to have Pam, the tiny hott who works part time at Baja Fresh while finishing her mail-order nursing degree, getting in on the action after too many margaritas.

But to get your thumb in front of the camera when taking the pic?

Come on now, Frankie. At least use the middle finger.

HCwDB of the Week: The Ghoulbag

With double-belt and stupid-ass hand gestures, Ghoulbag triumphed over Clockwork Orange Al Jolson European Minstrel Show in a solid smackdown that proves that the “rage” factor always trumps the “laugh” factor when judging hott/scrote.

plinky: “Down Quasimodo, down!” Where’s my electric whip? I must beat back this ghoulish little hunchback once and for all!! Ghoulbaggery FTW.

TheShadowHost: ghoulbag definitely. just for the sneer.

doucheintheheartofTexas: as hard as it was, I have to go with Ghoulbag. There are so many things wrong with him, one just wishes his sperm donor had rubbed one out to the june 1982 issue of Swank.

Anonymous: My vote is for the Ghoulbag. Aside from the three cuties, he has somehow managed to infect the wall with his baggerism.

FredericChoadpin: Ghoulbag is a melting pot of all that is smelly and poop in pop culture today. Not to mention I would do things to his hotts that not even the Germans could forgive.

Well said, Hunters and Huntresses. But what of the Orange? The voters made their case for the burnt umber tan disaster:

boatbutter: I have to go with Clockwork Jolson. He has achieved a color that even Crayola can’t name.

stitchgroover: My vote is for A Clockwork Orange, and his Jamielynn Spears/Candice Cameron companion.

Dennis Bagger: Gotta chime in for CLOCKWORK. This is modern art worthy, the extreme orangeness played against the pasty white princess. The “mark of the bag” penetrates through all that thick orange, while pasty stares on, with a slight grin.

Choadie Jenner: Gun Swinger just makes me laugh. Ghoulbag looks like one of the special ed kids I work with and clockwork is just orange. People are not supposed to be orange. With that haircut, he reminds me of a #2 pencil. Number two reminds me of poo. Therefore Clockwork Poo FTW.

Orangest Orange at the 2009 Douchies? Perhaps. But with Clockwork coming in a tight second, and The Gun Swinger a distant third, dbBen explains why Ghoulbag deserves the win:

Ghoulbag. Up until now, those types of dudes might have thought they got a pass. They don’t. Because they’re douchebags.

Correct, sir. Just because they do not have hat tilt and collar pop does not mean they don’t register on the scrotsmograph. Props to all who voted, chalk up the win for Ghoulbag and Kimmy, Kelly and Katherine, and we’ll see them in the Monthly.

Where’s Waldouche?: Lickable, Munchable, Fondleable Hott-Legs Edition

I haven’t seen this many lickable, munchable, fondleable hott-legs since I took a wrong turn at Albequerque and ended up in a giant leg factory. A factory that made giant lickeable, munchable, fondleable hott-legs.

And I asked the proprietor of the leg factory, “To whom do you sell these giant lickable, munchable, fondleable hott-legs, exactly?”

And he said, “No one, really. That’s why I’m going out of business.”

And that explains how I ended up the proud owner of 436 giant lickeable, munchable, fondleable hott-legs.