Hot Chicks With Douche Bags

Waffle House Willy

Nothing says “masculine domination” like headlocking your girl and flipping off the camera over pancakes at the Waffle House.

The Beastly Boys

Three Tool Tables and a Hottrophone.

The Hypothetical Gun

You know how you know when you’re a badass?

When you’re so badass, you don’t even need use to an actual gun to make you look tough in the presence of a hott.

You just imply the gun. Because you’re that badass.

And by badass, I mean a clown.

And… boobies.

Crack Kills

Just Say No to Douchecrack.

(EDIT: Fixed pics for those who can’t handle direct douchecrack)

The Hall of Hott

As some of you may have noticed, 2009 brings HCwDB it’s long delayed Hall of Hott, which is now located directly below the Hall of Scrote in the left-hand column.

I inducted an initial class of lovely ladies who have left an impression on us these past few years, but the list surely is incomplete.

As such, I’m convening a random panel of regulars from the comments threads to fluff the roster, so to speak.

Each commenter will get one selection to gain entrance to the Hallowed Hall of Hott, to be submitted one week from today. Culled randomly and incoherently from last month’s call for volunteers, and to spread the contributions around a bit, your Hall of Hott Hunters are:

Ashfish, Mr. White, Douche Vader, bcs, creature, Troy Tempest, Crucial Head, d. baggins v2.0, Don’t wheeze the douche! and Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer.

Talk amongst yourselves. Bribe each other. Coordinate. But find me 10 additional candidates. 10 might be too many more to admit all at once, but the top 5 will definitely gain boobie hottie suckle thigh immortality.

Also, my future ex-wife, Purg Hottie, will always have her own section of loveliness.

No More Choose Your Own Adventure GlowBag

Wednesday Limerick

When Rachel met Parking Attendant Fred,
Fred convinced her to come to his stead,
But Fred brought hair mousse,
Which he liked to abuse,
Now Rachel wishes she’d gone home instead.

Meh, not my best. I blame the Absynth.

There’s Something About Harry

Like Dumb and Dumberer, this was a sequel that just really wasn’t necessary.

There's Something About Harry

Like Dumb and Dumberer, this was a sequel that just really wasn’t necessary.

HCwDB of the Week: Sir Sucks-a-Lot

A worthy first Champion in the new year, Sir Sucks-a-Lot brings classic douche ‘tude with a tasty blonde middriff cutie to counter-balance the taint. The voters spoke, and they spoke strongly against hawk+ tie:

Anonymous: As much as I truly want to lick every inch of sweet Anabelle and listen to her purr, the winner is Sir Sucks-a-Lot. It’s such a disgusting combination of ridiculous hair, popped collar, stupid tie, obscene hand gesture, and a look that says, “I am poo.”

Buffy the Scrotebag Slayer: I’m going with Sir Sucks-a-Lot. Anyone who willingly spends that much time grooming themselves, only to end up looking like a bloodied roadkill skunk, deserves the honorary title………..of poo.

Heather: Sir Sucks-a-lot. Hands down. That completely wasted look, sagging bottom lip, and tie that doesn’t even go around the popped collar? Could you get more poo-nosity? Seriously, that tie is in every single ’70s prom picture known to mankind. It isn’t cool, Sucks, it is dook.

jonezy: Sir sucks-a-lot deserves a seat at the Round Table of Douche. He also deserves a dull 6th century Excalibur to the cranium.

Douche Tarlick: It’s a no brainer, Sir Sucks wins. Jabba the Douche in #1 is nothing more then an obesebag which are now a dime a dozen. Heroin douche from #2 is another run of the mill bag which only leaves us #3. His uber-douche nature and upstanding fashion cannot be ignored.

Nicely done, people, and props for bringing the A-Game in hottie/douchey linguistic and semiotic deconstructions so soon after the New Year. Derrida would be proud. Coming in a strong second, Tiny Anabelle Gets Swamped:

grady bagmore: anabelle ftw. god save her

blair: I’d give Anabelle some swamp ass. Um, I don’t know what that means. But I vote for Anabelle and the Swampies.

Archidouchies: I’m gonna go with Tiny Annabelle and He Just Eats Bitches Who Drink. One bag, two baglings, and one definite hott blows the other hotts away this week.

Anabelle was certainly delightful, but Pterodactyl ‘Bag was just too bloated to truly threaten. Coming in a distant third was the PTP grease of Loop de Poop. But Sir Sucks dominated. As anonymous sums it up:

I defy you to look closely at Sir Sucks-a-Lot’s face and then vote for someone else. Sucks FTW.

Sucks FTW indeed. A great debate and discussion in the comments threads, props to all. Give it up to Sir Sucks-a-Lot and Taylor Dayne Cute for the Weekly and the first slot in the first monthly of the first month of yo’ momma.

Yikes. The coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.