Friday, January 2, 2009

    Honorary Hott of the Month: Rebecca Hall


    My new stalking obsession for 2009: actress Rebecca Hall.

    Having first lusted over her freckled brunette luscious ball of boobie wax in Vicky Christina Barcelona and again yesterday in Frost/Nixon, Hall is the latest librarian glasses wearing buttercup of sunset rainbow melted Skittles in a Frying Pan delight to enter my subconscious and make me want to build a castle out of straw, then set it afire to protest a mortal universe.

    While she had little more to do than stand there and look pretty in Hollywood Hack Ron Howard’s first decent film since the genius that was Gung Ho, she still fired up my loins like a flamethrowing midget who torched my pajamas while slipping on a banana peel.

    How he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know.

    Heh. I said pajamas.

    You better not start dating a Hollywood douchemonkey, Ms. Hall. For I am watching. Should you end up with a Seacrest or a Mayer, I will mock. From a safe distance. And then shake my fist in outrage. Before sighing. And drinking a Mr. Pibb.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, January 2, 2009

    The Douche Bomb


    This pic is like a delayed assplosion of Douche/Hott.

    At first you gravitate to the sexy back-arch on brunette, brilliantly revealed by the flimsiest of cloth. You almost don’t notice the choad asswater floating to her right.

    And then you do. And it smelly like dirty diaper poopie.

    But then you notice the sweet smile on Sheen Hott, and hope is restored in images of tiny cupid angels dancing on the tops of tropical rainforests, and of sucking on her toes like a famished desert Saharan Iguana after the dry season.

    But then you notice the facial chin pubes on Shrunken Baby Vin Diesel Douche on the left.

    And all hope is lost once again.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Friday, January 2, 2009

    Friday Haiku


    Sperm Nipple haunts soul…
    Distracts from big clam boobies.
    Blonde Peeks Pants. Grateful.

    Douche pays tribute to
    Wardrobe malfunction. Someone
    File class action suit.

    — massengill

    Dow Corning is proud
    to sponsor bikini top
    how much did they cost?

    — Frodouche Baggins

    This smug turd-burglar
    gives a douchey reframe to
    the phrase: “Tit for Tat”

    — Doucheous Scrotimus

    Pink bikini blonde
    Was your top inspired by
    chin of the Blowfish?

    — IdahoHottPotato

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, January 1, 2009

    The Albino Pimp

    Miss Manners says it’s not nice to make fun of ‘tards with skin conditions.

    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, January 1, 2009

    He’ll Be Loving You All His Life

    It’s 2009!  Time to dance!

    I know, I shouldn’t violate the guiding dictum of my site (as with 2008 Douchie non-winner DJ Bello, there are no hotts in this video), but this dictum is just too funny not to post.
    # posted by douchebag1
    Thursday, January 1, 2009

    He'll Be Loving You All His Life

    It’s 2009!  Time to dance!

    I know, I shouldn’t violate the guiding dictum of my site (as with 2008 Douchie non-winner DJ Bello, there are no hotts in this video), but this dictum is just too funny not to post.
    # posted by douchebag1