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Monday, February 9, 2009
HCwDB of the Week
While The Blowfish goes Germanic in Mädchen mit Vollpfosten, this should be a strange and fascinating HCwDB of the Week.
I want you to use this as a Zen exercise.
Clear your mind. Then regard each pic in its totality. Each in its smelly poosity. Each in its offering of suckle thigh. Which rises to the top to call itself HCwDB of the Week? Here’s your finalists:
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: Kettlehead
Consistency.
Some call it the hobgoblin of little minds.
I call it eyebrow stare.
Let us not forget Kettlehead’s sparkling run of eyebrow and open, tight t-shirt chest shave while macking a K-Mart Fun Pak of hottness, here, here, here, here and here.
Kettlehead’s understated douchescrotery in presence of a bevy of A-List boobnanny makes him a formidable foe in the Weekly.
But enough to pull off the win?
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: 2009 An Orange Odyssey
Orange.
Far and away the most disturbing of new douchal developments in 2009 is the orange pigmentation plague striking suburban wiggas across the country.
Even more disturbing, there’s Derek Jeter Head.
Making the rare “cocked gun middle finger” ‘bag hand gesture, with low cut Gator shirt displaying even more orange.
Heck, I’m talking myself out of Kettlehead just writing this. Lookit this wank. How badly does he need an ass kicking?
And then there’s Cynthia. My sweet, suburban princess, Cynthia. All sorts of sparking smile and hint of perky, perfect boobage. Tiny, huggable waist and taut, suckable thigh.
She is boobalicious.
For back-to-basics douchescrotery and delightful Pixie Stick Hott, this combo deserves its chance in the Weekly.
HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: Douchie Pop
There’s something to be said for the punchable douche-face while getting licked by slender hott.
Douchie Pop is the perfect example of classic West Coast Mandana Mark McGrath Sugar Ray ‘Bag douchosity. And don’t forget Pic #2.
West Coast Douche deserves to be mocked on a consistent basis around here. Just as we mock Jerz Guid on the East Coast.
For tight black wifebeater and lower lip piercing, Douchie Pop is all that is rank in Long Beach.
Honorable mention to Crazy Eyes Killah, Scarfly, Toronto Poo Jay, Rusty The Frill Necked Lizard and the ridiculously hot hott in White Out (hall of hott candidate?).
Damn, that was a fine run of HCwDB pics over the past two weeks. Props to all ‘bag hunters who submit these pics and prevent me from having to sober up and do any real work around here.
But now it’s up to you.
Is Kettlehead the runaway winner? Or does the hottie/douchey stank of Douchie Pop or 2009: An Orange Odyssey piss you off even more?
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Sunday, February 8, 2009Coke Zero: Thailand
Coke Zero.
Transforming Thai douchewanks into douchescrotes since 2006 through the dropping of neo-colonial hegemony product bombs.
EDIT: Changed “Korean” to “Thai.”
Sunday, February 8, 2009Your Sunday Porsche
The thrill I experience every time I get to mock a previously unseen Joey Porsche and Co. pic is definitely unhealthy.
But Porschenheit and crew, and their bevy of Lawn Giland trash-hotts, are just too spectacular not to celebrate.
And by celebrate, I mean a Mr. Pibb backwash burp in their general direction.
Saturday, February 7, 2009Ask DB1: Veronica on G4
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Hello,
I’ve been a casual peruser of your website for a little while now, and am happy to finally have a reason to write in.
I was just watching an episode of g4tv’s show “Attack of the Show”, and was looking forward to a segment called ‘Internet Bad Girls’ which would feature hot women who keep blogs/webcams, but had a very obvious naughty streak. The first two definitely great looking hotts, but imagine my surprise when the last one featured – you know how usually segments of that nature on TV save the “best for last” – was none other than Veronica, featured on your website in January of 2008.
And needless to say, she is still the same kinda hott you would allow to coat you in hot wax and make a candle out of your wiener.
Just thought this was a funny coincidence that needed to be shared. Keep ’em coming please sir.
– Adam B.
San Jose, CA
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Just as the Oompa Prompas became internet legends after their orange oompa visages appeared on this site, my hope is to see our hotts reach equal heights. By which I mean lots of people staring at their boobs.
EDIT: The G4 Clip
Saturday, February 7, 2009The Surgeon General of Love
Before taking over as Surgeon General, Dr. Sanjay Gupta had one final night out on the town.
As The Surgeon General of Love.
Friday Thoughts and Links
My Friday thoughts congeal like agar in a 10th grade science experiment.
I like the boobie hottie. Even the Bleethed Boobie Hottie holds merit. For boobie hottie suckle thighs are as clear as an unmuddied lake, sir. As clear as an azure sky on deepest summer. Boobie hottie suckle thighs make blue birds sing zip-a-dee-doo-dah out of their ass. And suckle thighs make the humpty dance do the dance do the hump.
Here’s your Friday links:
Dear Abby: My Grandson is a Douche.
Why bother to spray on the orange when you can orangify in pill form?
When he’s alone in the bathroom, Kettlehead perfects his eyebrow look.
Down in Florida, HCwDB legend The Ab Lobster is going into business.
Refractions in the Douche Simulacrum.
I’m definitely excited by this just-released still from the recently greenlit Sex and the City sequel.
Chris Dane Owens definitively proves there is no God.
And finally, HCwDB’s own Hall of Hott legend, Veronica, will be interviewed about her tatts on the G4 Network today, check it out. (Veronica pic courtesy of the DB1 Private Collection)
Go forth. Go forth and turn poo into anti-poo. Be a voice of douchecycling transformation. For you need no product to find the self. Only thought.
Friday, February 6, 2009Slots McGee
If the Slots glasses, Hitler Chin and mega-faux didn’t suggest scrote, the hooking of bikini jeans sure did.
Slots McGee is douchin’ for the weekend.
And while Pinky Kim may have the trampy douchebaguette status of a stage-4 Bleeth infection, there can be no denying the aesthetic quality of what Ralph Waldo Emerson once described as “tasty ass pear.”
Friday, February 6, 2009Douchie Pop II
When I posted the first pic of the Douchie Pop on Wednesday, I had this certain gut feeling that he was wearing paisley jammy pant-shorts.
Even as another healthy bodied female with a fantastic suckle-worthy cleavite trail refrains from licking the Douchie Pop, the 1/3 head sneer remains.
That cinches it.
Douchie Pop is 5 cents of pure candy-choad.
Friday, February 6, 2009Ask DB1: The Chin Strap
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Hello DB1.
I learned something interesting about the “chin strap” style of beard that so many douchebags seem to be wearing these days.
Yesterday I went to get my haircut. I have a normal beard, but I haven’t trimmed it in awhile so the haircutter (what do you call a female barber?) asked if I wanted it trimmed and suggested trimming down to a chin strap. I said “no” very quickly and possibly a little too forcefully.
Here’s the interesting part. She was relieved. She said that so many of the guys that come in that have chin straps do it because they cannot fully/properly grow facial hair.
Interesting, huh? Chin strappers are basically genetically underdeveloped boys who are trying to show that they have some level of manhood by growing some/any facial hair, even if it looks stupid.
Derek
Los Angeles, California
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HCwDB legend Johnny Blaze dares you to question his fully formed pubertic manliness. Which is another way of saying excellent point, Derek.
Speaking of which, I really need to put Johnny Blaze and his bevy of bar hotts in the Hall of Scrote. It’s long overdue. Any objections? Speak now, or forever hold your gel.
Friday, February 6, 2009Friday Haiku
Kettlehead’s got game,
“Say Hello to my lil’ friend!”
Jen didn’t get it.
jackson and brooke shields
had a fake tot together
where’s lil webster now?
— Douchacadabra
Mamita Linda
stuck in the Miami vice
cracks under pressure
— the ‘bag apple
The sunglasses are
Surgically implanted on
His gigantic face
— Vin Douchal
Clown to the left of
her, douchebag to the right here
I am, stuck in rage.
— Captain Bringdown
In Aladin’s lamp
Kettlehead’s first 2 wishes
About to come true
— plinky
Height *sort ascending*
Penis Length *sort descending*
K-Head 4 Weekly!
— End the Haberdouchery
