-
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Cheerleader and the Poo
I remember this Aesop’s Fable from childhood.
It involves a whimsical tale of a Princess Cheerleader, Candice, who loves to take naughty pics with her cell phone and email them, and the lesson she learns after commingling with a giant heaping serving of twatwaffle.
I forget the moral of the story.
Something about lice, I think.
Monday, February 2, 2009Sheena, Leopard Hott of the Jungle
Oh and look! Sheena brought her pet orange, Fruffles!
Yeah, the DB1 is making no sense on this Monday whatsoever. The coffee didn’t kick in. And then I had a mini microwave bowl of Annie’s Mac and Cheese I bought at Trader Joes. And it was tasty.
But then I got kinda dizzy. So I ate some Joe-Joes.
And then half a bottle of Archer Farm’s Blood Orange Soda.
And now everything looks shiny and orange and with stupid yellow fwip-hair.
But at least there’s leopard booty.
Monday, February 2, 2009The Skidmark
The Skidmark says, “Vote in the HCwDB of the Month or I won’t shave the tire tread!”
Better listen to him, Kimmy. He’s serious.
Monday, February 2, 2009HCwDB of the Month
Booya! Bring it. Like an overhyped sporting event designed to sell Dreamworks movies and soda products, here’s your finalists for the HCwDB of the Month:
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #1: Sir Sucks-a-Lot
He sucks. A lot.
And Talor Dayne Chicka is all that’s tasty in Timbuktu.
In a first here at HCwDB, Sir Sucks-a-Lot not only pulled enough residual douche from last November to win the first HCwDB of the Week in 2009, but less than two weeks later, won another HCwDB of the Week disguised as Studs Urkel.
That’s some righteous (wrongteous) game to bring to the Monthly.
With two different quality hotts and two equally rank, yet equally distinct, variations of scrotal fungus, Sucks-a-Lot will be tough to beat.
But he’s no shoo-in either.
The competition is tough this month. And Sir Sucks-a-Lot will need all his game to win the Monthly.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #2: The Ghoulbag
The Ghoulbag is important because the combo Rockerbag + Emobag needs more highlighting on this site.
And by highlighting, I mean mocking for faux-“toughness.”
The three Party Girls are delightfully sweet, if not the traditional hottness we’ve come to know and oogle.
But they are definitely shoulder suckle worthy.
And he is wearing two belts.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #3: ‘Bag Bats Maru
Paid to Pose?
Perhaps.
All sorts of freaky-deaky iconic hottie/douchey wrongness?
No doubt.
Dig the smoking jacket and bling overload on ‘Bag Bats Maru. And Playboy Bunny artificial inflation don’t hide the genetic attributes of Midwestern Bunny Hott.
He may be a jewelry designer of some kind, but that doesn’t excuse bringing some creepy-ass choadyness to the party.
For that, and for Sir Mix-a-Lot’s forfeiture of his 2nd Weekly, ‘Bag Bats made it to the Finals.
HCwDB of the Month Finalist #4: The Sharpie Ringworm
Another pic that is gimmicky, yet still authentically hottie/douchey mock-worthy.
Gimmick pics, like Acey-Douchey, can still carry a scrotewank a decent distance provided the douchitude eminates and the hott is suitably tasty.
This assclown actually drew rings on his face and neck area in a desperate cry for attention. And the chest shave / reveal combo is spew.
Burka Mid-Eastern Cutie has a bizarrro mix of designer sunglasses, some form of unidentifiable head-garb, and absolutely suck-worthy teeth.
Polished, buffed and with a clean shine.
They’re like the Jet-Dry dishwashing liquid of teeth.
And if that makes no sense, it’s only because I’m hungover and smell like socks.
So them’s your four finalists for HCwDB of the Month. I can’t do it without you. I need your vote to select one of these pics as the first pic to make it to the 2009 HCwDB of the Year in December at the Douchie Awards.
Which’ll it be? That’s up to you.
Vote, as always, in the comments thread.
Monday, February 2, 2009Congrats to the Pittsburgh Steelers
You may be Superbowl Champs, but your kicker’s still a douche.
Frolix in the Parking Lot
In parking lots across the far-off lands of the Dirty Jerz, when The Superbowl is over, and there is no party to go to, and no hotts to hit on, the douchebags frolic.
WARNING #1: No Hotts, only sexually confused Jerz Douches dancing and humping.
WARNING #2: See Warning #1. No Hotts to counterbalance the pain. If you can’t take it, do not watch. HCwDB is not responsible for what you do to yourself after witnessing this clip.
WARNING #3: For those with brave constitutions, the Lacrosse Dance at 2:00 and the Deep Throating of a Pickle at 2:20 are both hilarious. Heck this whole thing is like a lost Fellini masterpiece by way of Jackass.
